HOOVER What is it, why does the Narcissist do it, and what are some of the most common Hoover's

In today's video Jill tackles the topic of The Hoover. What exactly is it, why do Narcissists do it and what are some of the most common Hoover Maneuvers that they use.

Jill Wise, otherwise known as The Enlightened Target, is a life long survivor of narcissistic abuse. She was raised by a malignant narcissist and married to a malignant narcissist, she has endured years of parental alienation, has repeatedly been targeted by narcissists throughout her life. She has an intimate understanding of all aspects of narcissistic abuse and Cptsd. She uses her experience and what she has learned to help educate others and bring awareness to narcissistic abuse. She is also a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coach and works with clients all over the world heal from the trauma of narcissistic abuse, parental alienation and Complex Ptsd.

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[nasimazad]

Narcissists use words for three reasons: to gaslight, to confuse and to manipulate! Hell yes!!

[richardweiss]

The timing of this video is spooky! This morning, my ex wife started sending me texts like "I miss you, I should never have let you go, we were so good together" and all that nonsense. It worked on me the last couple of times. It won't work this time because, thanks to your channel, I know exactly what she's doing and why.

I am curious to see how long she will keep trying before she realises that my "no-contact" is permanent.

[raebutler]

After a year, my hoover came just in time for the holidays! I cycled through every emotion and landed on disgust. Then I saw the relationship as a backed up toilet. Ew, I thought I flushed that!

[Belle_of_the_Bogg]

I didn't give into my ex's hoovering for the first time, earlier last week, and it feels like I can always do it from now on. He wrote a love/apology letter and shoved it under my front door when I refused to answer. He literally wrote a combination of everything I've heard that a hoovering narcissist will say in all the different narcissistic abuse videos I've watched this year. I didn't question it for second...I knew it was total crap. He also had his mother contact me to try to ask what was happening, why I didn't want him in my life anymore. Didn't say anything other but sorry, I can't be involved anymore. Finally was able to break a 2 year cycle and finally can feel a shred of dignity and self respect. I can honestly say, for the first time in 2 years I am proud of myself and truly understand the importance of staying no contact. Trauma bond is FINALLY broken.

If you think you can't get over a narcissist...you can...you so can. I can't say how long it will take you, and it will feel gross and very, very lonely at times...but do yourself the justice you deserve and stop breaking no contract and giving in to an emotional addiction that will NEVER bring anything positive, once you can do that, you will start to feel human again and see a light at the end of the tunnel 💓

[sanjanabhatia]

I didn’t understand this Hoover dynamic until I learned about narcissism. I think I deserve a degree now! 😊

[funlovinbloke]

Narcissists also use the 3 F's: Fake, Faker and Faking!
LoL.

[newbygettingeducated]

Took me a yr after leaving to get back to "normal" but i got hoovered and went back 8 months and I had to start my recovery over...i don't waste time blaming myself and keep feeling guilty of my bad decisions because im not moving forward when i see myself get stuck in it, learned this over the first yr. I keep watching these videos to keep me grounded. I pray I will see them a mile away from this day forward and take the detour. Been no contact Now for 5months. This is like or is a 12 step program. Remember nothing good comes easy. Stay Strong. ❤to you all.

[kristinhanna]

Perfect timing. Phew!!! Thanks for this relevant message! 🧿♥️🧿

[maryannwilliams]

Great video, Jill! 🌸🦋🌺 RUN! RUN FAST & DON’T EVER LOOK BACK!😮

[richardallonzo]

My buddy's ex-narc gf went to a therapist after her dysfunctional behaviour was met with a break up at his initiative. That break up was thanks to his comprehension of what he was actually and specifically dealing with... and many thanks to you and others like you on YT. She was made aware of her narcissistic traits and uncovered some of the root causes through the therapist. A year later, he gets a full introspective apology from her and she takes full ownership of her devaluing and petulant narc ways even confesses to being a narcissist (in recovery lol). A reunion ensues and so do the old ways another 6 mos. afterwards. He was fully cognisant and vigilant of the potential for a relapse but literally enjoyed the ride till things got bumpy. Mom was right, anything that seems too good to be true usually isn't and there's some things that just can't be fixed.

[michaelrobert]

Thanks to Jill, I am aware of a hoover maneuver currently ongoing by my soon-to-be-exwife - malignant narcissist. The cognitive dissonance is hard for me, and it is as if she knows just what to say and do to make me feel guilty. The most recent "I love you", has taken me 2 weeks to shake off.

[janayamak]

Thank you! This was just in time for the holiday hovering! I’m staying no contact 🙄🤦🏿‍♀️ blessings to you Jill I love your channel, helping so many of us out!!!!

[davidsigman]

Happy Thanmsgiving Jill and thank you.
You've given a lot of us so much to be thankful for. We are on the road to freedom.

[lovelightshining]

You're amazing and absolutely saving my life.
Tytytytytytytytyty
Blessings eternally 💫
Namaste 🙏

[JessicaRamirez]

He tried hoovering during my grandpas passing/funeral. Yep. Disgusting. Luckily he has a supply right now, so when hes with her, he leaves us alone. We co parent, so cant go NC
This is the 5th discard. Every other time he keeps me on the back burner. Not this time. I have decided this is the final discard

[t-mac]

How I wish I would have seen your videos so that I knew what I was dealing with before I stuck a chef knife down my neck and almost died. The only gift I possess is being able to read people within minutes but I was taken on a nightmarish rollercoaster for 2 years.

[desertangelfish]

In 6 months I broke up with my narc 12 times! I saw the hoovering for what it was. I returned not out of weakness or stupidity I already pegged him as a covert vulnerable narcissist but I did enjoy certain comfortable aspects of the relationship. I saw through his bullshit and would call him out on it constantly. I stood up for myself and enforced my boundaries with him. His pattern of behavior was predictable and never changed like he was running on a script. He had a low dense vibrational energy and after 2 weeks of being around him constantly I had to break away because my energy would just be zapped. The following day after a breakup/ argument he would invite me over for dinner at his house (we're neighbors) I would decline telling him I'd either already eaten or I was fasting. Then he switched it up by texting me to see if I was okay and would tell me if something was going on in the neighborhood that I might otherwise not have known about. He tried to make me feel that somebody was potentially stalking me, reporting unknown vehicles in the area to me etc. I saw this for what it was and believing wholeheartedly that the universe has my back I never allowed him to instill or evoke fear in me and ruin the happiness I felt living where I'm living. I live in an off-grid community with barely five full-time neighbors. He has befriended all the neighbors and has said things about me to them to alienate them from me, but they're all elderly and non-threatening. So after breaking up and moving out from his place on 12 separate occasions all the neighbors know about it because he will essentially announce to them that we've broken up again to Garner sympathy from them. Over time they've become desensitized to the makeup breakup cycle we were in and actually wish him the best when he would then announce that we're back together. Crazy but true. It came to a point where it actually made him look stupid to keep being with me if something was so inherently wrong with me. so then he just announced to everyone that I am menopausal and going through hormonal changes. LOL which I spanked him down for! Funny thing is that I wholeheartedly as a spiritual being an enlightened soul do not believe that this man knows he's a narcissist! I have shown him videos and address his bad behavior with him ever since from our first week together! I knew within the first week that I had a narc on my hands, I just didn't know to what degree. Having had two significant relationships in my past with narcs that helped me heal and educate myself with what this type human appearing individual is. Because of the work I have done with this last narc I actually was able to enjoy a large majority of my time with him, the biggest wall we hit with him unable to meet my emotional needs and that only mattered to me on my very low energy days where I was feeling sick. And on my sick days when I was in physical discomfort and pain he would cook for me and care for me and be extremely attentive. I know a lot of people are reeling in emotional pain and feeling victimized etc by their narc experiences but the more emotionally strong and independent you are the less their behaviors will affect you. You can come out ahead sometimes at least with the covert vulnerable narcissist with mommy issues. He wasn't overtly abusive dominating or cruel he even shared with me that he wants someone basically that can manage him, and I seem to do just that. When he would do some of his Sly shit with me I would immediately shut him down and call him out on his behavior which he actually asked me to do. Overtime a lot of those behaviors stopped and he didn't replace it with anything new. He literally was just following a script of bare minimal functioning. These people desperately do want to feel love and it is as foreign to them as trying to imagine experiencing anti-gravity and not being an astronaut! So narc abuse survivors work on your emotional development and mental health and Independence. the trend is there are more narcs out there amongst the good guys then there are good guys. Like a drug dealer there's one on every corner! We are also forced into isolation and lockdown and he was a source of entertainment for me until he wasn't!

[ninabambinabambina]

Thank you this happened to me before Christmas & it completely set me back. I hadn't heard from him in well over a year.

[halohat]

I'm a few days past where they have now seen their Hoover stage isn't going to work this time (it has in the not too distant past) Pretty uncomfortable as they aren't moved out of my home yet.i had to file with the courts to remove them and it takes time.

Everything you've said in this and another video of yours I found has been accurate. Thank you for the time and unselfish sharing of your knowledge. It has helped me deal with the biggest disappointment in my life, personal relationship wise.

Subscribed.

[ethanschiltz]

Jill, you are beautiful inside and out. Thanks for all the great videos