Am I Not Good Enough To Be Hoovered? | Does The Narcissist Think I'm Not Good Enough?

Have you left a narcissistic relationship and wondered why the narcissist didn’t hoover you? Do you ask yourself “Am I not good enough to be hoovered?” Hoovering from a narcissist is how the narcissist uses their control and manipulation tactics to bring you back into a relationship. While you may be happy to be finally rid of the narcissist and their narcissistic abuse, you still wonder when the narcissist hoovering will happen so you can prepare yourself. However, it can also be disappointing when the narcissist hoovering doesn’t happen. Why didnt the narcissist hoover me? Does the narcissist think I’m not good enough? You take it personally when the hoovering from the narcissist doesn’t happen. You remember how nothing I do is right with the narcissist or think about why am I never good enough for the narcissist. You try to think what are reasons the narcissist doesnt hoover so you can feel better about this happening. When the narcissist doesn’t hoover, it is just another reminder of how you aren’t good enough for the narcissist and nothing you did in the relationship was good enough. If you ask yourself “what are the reasons the narcissist doesn’t hoover” then you just need to think of the narcissist in the context of what narcissism is. The narcissist hoovers or doesn’t hoover based on what they need in that moment. It isn’t about you now just as it wasn’t about you in the relationship. Do narcissists always hoover? No. Does the narcissist think Im not good enough? No. The narcissist thinks only of themselves and you need to remove yourself from the reason a narcissist does or doesn’t do something. The narcissist does what they think will benefit them the most.

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[vintagebabyseventythree]

It’s an odd thing to want to be hoovered after they’ve discarded you. I’m guessing it’s normal and will eventually fade away. I think a lot of us want the pleasure of rejecting our npd/bpd ex right back, so it’s like please Hoover me so I can laugh right in your face.

[christinawhitfield]

It’s a compliment not to be hoovered. You don’t want that! Trust me. You want them to stay gone!

[sarahb.art.a]

I haven't been hoovered by my ex. It has been almost 5 years since I was discarded. It surprises me that I haven't been hoovered because I was a doormat for a while before I realized that I was being used. Then I silently started pulling away.

[rainerneumeister]

It seems as though the narcissist can’t loose. If they don’t hoover, they have control by not hoovering. If they do hoover they have control by manipulating you. There seems to be no way to beat them.

[johnjohnson]

you forgot the most important one you caused a mortal narcissistic injury

[grantking]

I wasn't hoovered because I blocked everything

[sp]

Darn! Turns out that the narcissist in my life was my therapist. She then decided I should see another therapist and end our relationship by going no contact with the silent treatment. This is very hurtful to me but I am trying not to react but instead be the best version of myself adult self. Painful and difficult not to think I am not good enough.

[elaineclarke]

I had been hoovered twice but was not aware of it the first time, he was so smooth. Then he secured his new supply. I had to heal and it took months the pain of it. Then 4 years later it came back and hoovered me at xmas time to say it is all mines. This time round I am aware of it's antics and spent 1 year and 5 months grey rocking him and save my heart. He found me hard work and did not know what its going to do with me. It started saying things like me having male friends. It was telling on itself I knew there was a discard in the winds for me only this time it was blatant about it with the new supply in both hers and my face and saw nothing wrong in what it was doing. She was in the love bombing stage. I took my que and abruptly discarded him. I was expecting it anyway. I can tell you this much that mask fell off completely when it shouted 'Why, I can't see what is wrong with what i am doing. You will ask, then why did you go back to be hoovered? because I was lonely at the time but pissed off that he was not an empathic man. This demon must have been watching my moves without me realising.

IT can panic now and look for another supply to fill my space. It gets bored real quick and dont do lonely. I will pray for her to see the BS for what it is. These demons really goes to church with bible in their hands, as this one did,
they are werewolves dressed in sheep clothing. That's where I found and met it right in the church.

I did block the demon only for it to ring me. I did not give it the satisfaction to speak as I had the power to shut the phone down. I am alone again but wont be hoovered a 3rd time it will be a waste of time.😂

[bethcollier]

Haven't been hoovered since Dec of '17. I use prepaid dump phones. After my divorce was final with that thing... I did two phone dumps. When I found out who the flying monkeys were.. I dumped my phone again. My number will continuously change every 2 years. I don't register to vote either. That'll reveal my address. Plus.... When I left the state I was living in.... The doors on my past life was slammed on everyone. Moved into a neighborhood that's primarily old folks and I listen to their wisdom and knowledge. Since they're retired there's movement up and down the street.. so if the narc would ever show up.. they'd be seen clear. Plus we have this fabulous law called stand your ground. I would hate to have to use it.. but I will.

[andnowyouknow]

Nearly 8 years of no-contact here with my BPD ex who has strong NPD traits. She hasn't hoovered, because she knows I will reject her on the spot. I did not chase her or ask her a bunch of questions when she initiated the no-contact. I simply accepted. Fast forward to today, life couldn't get any better. I am a completely different but much ore developed person in all aspects of my life. Currently also in a wonderful relationship for 5 years. Just bought a house together too.

[TheDevineFempress]

If you reject a Hoover you win….if you want them to go away …Hoover them ….they will reject you to be in control ….they are nut jobs !

[kimwells]

It's been 4 years and they still haven't hoovered me or contacted me since they discarded me. Thank you for explaining why they don't hoover you back. You're the only one on youtube who explained it. I've been trying to find the answer to this for years. So I appreciate you answering this question and helping me understand it's because it's about however they can feel they have the most control.

[Alice-tsvl]

When you're too strong and educated, they won't hoover you❤

[ginkgo]

Thirty year marriage then discarded. Divorced two years have no idea if he attempted hoovering because I went completely no contact. He initiated the divorce. That was enough of a message to me to know I never wanted to see or hear from him or hear about him. I believe narcissism is a mental disorder with no cure and that it is in no one’s best interest to be in a relationship with a narcissist. It’s a slow death

[jacklimcortez]

Better to let them go and be around people who love you for who you are born to be free

[reebell]

It's been two months and I haven't been hoovered. It is an odd feeling. I hated it when it was happening previously because I knew it was all lies however now that it's not happening it makes it real that it is over. I set the standard in our dissolution of the marriage. I wanted this and I still do. So why does it kind of bother me that he hasn't even tried? It's completely psychological. I am so much more happy and don't want him back. I think he realized I was finally done and that he wasn't going to get to me so easily as before.

[emmadonovanmarshall]

Thank you! This was very helpful and much appreciated.

[Happy-Me.]

I was hoovered once by my BPD ex with a blank message. I told her not to Hoover me again and have heard nothing since.

[dylanstevens]

i just want to be closer to my son, and fear somebody essentially "replacing" my role as my only child's father

[hillerm]

To be honest, I would love to be hoovered at this point, simply so I could ignore her.