The Effect of Emotional Neglect Symptoms on Highly Sensitive People | Dr. Jonice Webb

In this video, I explain the interaction between Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) and the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). What happens when an HSP grows up in a CEN household? I’ll answer that question and also tell you what you can do about it now as an adult.

CEN Breakthrough Video Series:
1. Emotional Neglect: How to Recognize it, Why it’s Invisible, And How it Affects You | Dr. Jonice Webb:
2. Emotional Neglect: 4 Subtle but Painful Things You May Have Missed Growing Up | Dr. Jonice Webb
3. Emotional Neglect: How it Can Make it Hard to Recognize Your Emotions | Dr. Jonice Webb
4. Emotional Neglect: 5 Ways it can Affect Your Emotional Intelligence | Dr. Jonice Webb
5. Emotional Neglect: How to Connect with Yourself and Find Your Voice | Dr. Jonice Webb
6. Emotional Neglect: What Most Therapists Don’t Know and How to Find One Who Does | Dr. Jonice Webb
7. Emotional Neglect: Use These 10 Affirmations to Reparent Yourself | Dr. Jonice Webb
8. Emotional Neglect: Lack of Self-Discipline? It might be Self Neglect Instead | Dr. Jonice Webb
9. Emotional Neglect: How it Impacts Your Love Relationships | Dr. Jonice Webb
10. Emotional Neglect: Jumpstart Your Healing by Doing These 3 Things | Dr. Jonice Webb

00:00 Introduction

[Suelynngrr]

My mother used to say, "Don't be so sensitive!" Being this kind of person makes it difficult to really connect to others. "Normal" people have no idea what a burden it is and it is tough being in the world when one feels invisible most of the time! I'm nearing my seventh decade and it's never become easier.

[christinemccoy]

Others don't want us around because we can feel their lies. Super power

[mcalison]

I heard all the time ‘you are TOO sensitive!’ 😢😢😢😢😢CEN x HSP = cPTSD

[eesounds]

Spent my whole childhood and teens being shamed for my emotions, being told to ‘grow a thicker skin’ and feeling like I was an alien.

[mariecait]

I grew up in an ice cold home that had everything materialistic that humans need but emotionally it was inept. I found papers I wrote as a kid and really big wrote “I feel so lonely.” I was 7. Around 2010 I bought the HSP book and tried to show it to my parents to get them to understand me more. It feels as if my parents aren’t interested in being parents. They divorced when I was 10. I was expelled from high school for missing so much school due to depression from my home life being so bad. I discovered alcohol and drank a lot in my 20s. My mom always was easily disgusted and repulsed by my presence. The more she hated me the more I hated myself. My dad just shut me out. He physically there but mentally long gone from caring. The werid part is after 23 years divorced they just got back together. My dads partner died and my mom still hasn’t remarried so she moved back in with him. I feel sorry for them both and guilty for my mental health being so bad because I know it hurts them even if they don’t show it. Certain friends come along and have saved me from a lot of pain by showing me I’m not alone. I also pray a lot. I tried to take my own life at 26 am on disability because of cognitive impairment. As much I love aspects of life like nature, friendship and cats.. the haunting of my life being so lonely from day one never leaves me. I volunteer with disabled adults and foster cats. Try to always keep active and do what I can to improve the community. I’m positive that content like yours benefits the future of society. What a relief it would be to hear this decades ago! As much as the digital age has its downfalls I’m grateful I can connect with likeminded individuals who went through similar experiences as me. I love being an HSP because it helps me be a better cat mom and friend. Thank you for your support for us lonely souls out here. ❤

[marshabarnes]

I am 45 and am just now embracing my high-sensitivity. Many of the things mentioned accurately describe my childhood experiences. I was also ridiculed by my family for being sensitive, and that hurt so deeply. As a result, I learned to stuff that part of me down and never show it to anyone again. Now I am bringing it out to see the sun. One thing I recently started doing was talking to my inner child by looking at a photo of me as a child. During tough times, I will pull out the photo and tell the child she is safe to experience her emotions, but she does not have to be afraid of them anymore because there is someone here who will protect her now, and that someone is my adult self. I know it sounds weird, but it seems to help 😊

[l.]

I realized in my early 20s that I was far more effected by chaos at work than my coworkers were. They seemed to be able to switch off even when people were displaying bullying and abusive behaviours. Even if the abuse was not directed to me, it effected me as though it was. Forty years later I still struggle in the workplace, absorbing all the bad vibes and toxicity. I'm grateful to get to my peaceful home at the end of the day but I don't want to become a hermit.

[debrap]

This is my childhood and my life!!! My mother could never handle my emotions to the point of embarrassing her when I was just a child. I felt very alone as if my mother hated me. I was the crybaby of the family "We have to walk on eggshells around you" and treated like I was fragile and unstable. Sheesh. I'm very sensitive to light, sounds, and smells, which to this day my sister rolls her eyes at because she doesn't smell things the way I do. I tend to spend a lot of time on my own to avoid "bothering anyone" or being accused of being picky and difficult. Thank God my husband is an amazing human being! I discovered this HSP thing just recently and have been researching, I'm so glad I found this it will help both my husband and me understand it better. Thank you! 🌹

[rubychurch]

I’m HSP. my entire childhood I was either ridiculed or told off for being so sensitive. I didn’t find out really what was “wrong” with me til I think in my 40’s. What a shame. There are so many like me on here.

[MeganC-jmwe]

You learn to distrust everything including your own instincts thinking there is something wrong with you and it becomes too difficult or dangerous to cultivate that beautiful, artistic inner world and bring it forth in the world and our world is lacking and suffering because of this, all because of lack of patience and trust.

[JudithMathis-qbqj]

I would fantasize about a man coming to save me and fill the void of love that I so desperately need

[clairewilson]

Wow! I’m very sensitive to light. I tend to need to be alone. I’m quite in crowds. I have said to my husband, I feel invisible. I often feel obligated to attend a function but dread the thought of feeling so out of place. I grew up with CEN too. I hope I can heal from this. I am also in my 6th decade. I’m thankful to know about this, at least I see a reason I’m this way.

[leonaowen]

OMG I am 70 female (only child)but you have described my childhood PERFECTLY.

[openlybookish]

Being told to smile more as a child growing up.

[karonkightlinger]

I have recently come across your series on CEN and finally after 68 years of wondering what happen to me, all makes since!!
And now another revelation on HSC is completing all this wondering I’ve had for so long!! My other six siblings seem very content in life and just normal human beings with many friends!! I always felt alone and was the loner, and no fun as my sister once said!!
My first spanking in first grade I was told was to help me stop day dreaming!! Thank you so much Dr Jonice now I can live my last years of life in peace understanding what happen to me!!!! ❤

[ChristopherCaldwell]

I was labelled a dreamer as a child. I elected not to be listened to and put my siblings before me when there were things offered - sweets, to ride in the front passenger seat (I’m the eldest). I still retire to darkened rooms when I am overwhelmed. I’m 50 now and this is the first time I have recognised myself in a description such as you have given. Thank you

[judithpoole]

Hi Dr.Webb, I have your book "Running on Empty." Reading even the most helpful books is so triggering for me that I've had to put it on hold. Thank you for this video. It describes me perfectly. I'm 63 now, and I can honestly say that CEN ruined my life. I have struggled with CPTSD for as long as I can remember. For me, the most damaging phrase was, "Go to your room, and don't come out until you can be happy / stop crying." This command was given every time I went to my mom in emotional distress. I just learned to stay there. She is 83 now and will probably outlive me. She still completely shuts down if I ever become overwhelmed. I've had to 'gray rock' my entire birth family. I love them deeply, but I'm smart enough to know that further interaction, valuing their views toward me at all only hurts me, and I'm done allowing it. I'm one of those with CPTSD who never could shut down or block out my emotions, I think because I'm an HSP. I could go on, but you get the picture. Friends, I had to wait until I was 60 to even begin to have any idea that this was not just me being a failure at everything, not just jobs, but every single aspect of my being. I am well familiar with the deepest inner sorrow and grief that I could endure. I've had to go to some pretty extreme lengths to preserve my own life. Even though I'm on that long road of healing, my husband still keeps all my pills and takes them to work with him at my request. I tell these things here, partly just to be heard, but also to reach people like me. Keep doing what you can in the good times. Just hang on when it gets bad. If you can't hang on, please get yourself to the nearest emergency room ASAP any way you can, whether you can pay for the visit or not. They can just suck it up. You are more valuable than money. You matter to your real family, me and all who KNOW you because we are you. Do we have truly supportive support groups like the AA group on the TV show Mom? If not, let's start one, right here, maybe, for those of us who aren't able to interact in person. We need friends who really understand whom we can trust to not hurt us anymore. Thank you for reading. Love who you really are. You are more beautiful, loving, and more lovable than a perfect newborn puppy. You were right. They were wrong, plain and simple. WE are the next step in human evolution. The ones who see more, feel more, who turn the inner eye and embrace the totality of an experience, sort through the chaos we perceive, who really connect. Love more, not less. Speak your truth. You matter in this world. You matter to me. My deepest wish is to give comfort, acceptance, and love that can really be felt and trusted.

[susie]

Imagine if you had allergies back in the early 1900s in Europe. Your family would call you lazy and have no idea where your lethargy came from. Those of us who are only coming to understand these issues in our 6th or 7th decade missed out, but we are lucky to know now so we can take proper care of ourselves and enjoy what is left of our sensitive lives. It's hard not to isolate when you have this combination because you don't want to constantly be triggered by insensitive, inconsiderate, self-centered people, but it's very important to connect with someone you trust, someone with whom you feel secure. That might only be God, in which case, write a letter to Him every morning thanking for all you are grateful for and asking for everything you need and want and pouring out your heart without fear of a reaction that triggers you. Been doing it for about five years now, along with meditation and morning workouts and it really does help. Crappy Childhood Fairy does this writing method without God. Whatever works :D

[JacqueBowlingMedium]

My dad would say, -You're acting. You are faking it. -
1st time he met my ex-husband he said, -never believe her when she crys. She's manipulating you. 😢😢 That messed me up.

[MaileyMcAslan]

I remember screaming and freaking out crying as a toddler at a 4th of July event at a baseball park. I could not have been more than 3. There were boys running around throwing lit firecrackers in the air and letting them explode really close to the people (including me) sitting on blankets waiting for the fireworks. My parents just sat there and stared at me while I had a Vietnam War flashback all by myself. Many years later, I pointed this event out to my mother and asked why they just let me scream and feel so unprotected and uncared for (sometimes she said it never happened) and she said, “yeah, we’d never seen that before.” I was the family scapegoat. “Shy and too sensitive and spoiled, ” was the family narrative about me. A girl born 8 and 9 years after two rough and tough, mean brothers. An artist and musician. My parents never protected me from anything.