Emotional Neglect: 4 Subtle but Painful Things You May Have Missed Growing Up | Dr. Jonice Webb

In this video, “Emotional Neglect: 4 Subtle but Painful Things You May Have Missed Growing Up” I’m going to talk about 4 important but hard-to-notice ingredients that all kids need, but which emotionally neglectful families don’t offer.
When you don’t receive these key ingredients, you feel their absence. It affects who you become and how you operate in the world. If you grew up with Emotional Neglect, you may feel its presence as you watch this video. But don’t worry, I’ll also talk about how you can give these things to yourself now.

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00:00 Introduction
01:40 Importance of Questions
03:31 Emotion Vocabulary
05:17 Emotional Expression
07:00 Self Understanding
08:01 What To Do Now

[eliseintheattic]

I grew up in the 70s, and I feel like this was just how parents were at that time. I'm sure there are some exceptions, but for the most part, people didn't talk about emotions. They didn't acknowledge trauma, and the prevailing "wisdom" was to "get over it".

[anndixon]

1) Not asked many questions about their emotions 2) Family not use many words describing emotion 3) Not having freedom to talk about things that involve feeling 4) Not have ability to see self reflected in parent’s eyes

[almacharles]

I was emotionally neglected. My mum would say ‘there’s something to cry for’ and smack me. If I said I was bored I was told only boring people get bored. We had everything we needed as in clothes and food. Dad died last year and mum now has dementia and is in a care home, I am doing everything I can to help her, visiting, making sure she has all she needs. Mostly I just feel sad that I didn’t know a mothers love. I am 60 tomorrow and I have always just felt sad.

[rachelfrees]

I’m 83. I grew up barely seen and never heard. Told I was never wanted and do not bother me. Crippling thing for a child. I sought affection and what I thought was love and this left such scars. Finally found peace at 63.

[lesleymcmillan]

So much love to everyone who was emotionally neglected as children
❤🥲❤

[CJoyArt]

I am 64 years old and just learning about how hurt and invalidated I felt during my childhood. My mother always told me I cried too much. My parents never asked how I was feeling and feelings were really something that was taboo in my family. I was emotionally neglected and learning this now helps me be a better person today.

[ronda]

I’m 51 years old and finally feel like I have found the answer to why I am the way I am. Things make so much sense to me now that I know I am a highly sensitive person who grew up emotionally neglected. This is all new to me and I’m feeling like I’m mourning what I didn’t get. But hopefully soon I will get past that and work on trying to improve my future. Thank you for putting this information out there. I think it will help me tremendously.

[Grace_HisAmazingGrace]

I can relate to all 4 of these things. I was never asked about things, more so just told what I would do and there was no discussion. There was very little discussion about anything. I learned to fend for myself and never ask for help. Looking back I excelled in many things throughout high school, college, and life, yet I was never celebrated, congratulated, or encouraged. I am just now at 64 beginning to ask myself, "what do I want?", "what do I feel?" Learning to observe myself instead of just living to do what everyone else thinks I should do.

[trouvaloo]

We were neglected by our emotionally immature parents. Ours was a “loveless” family. Emotions were avoided except for anger, and hatred which caused chaos. The middle girl became the parent and was abusive. As a result, I never know what to say to anyone. Im awkward socially, and I’ve lived 70 years like this.

[NotBrokeForLong]

I’m realizing each generation of my family suffered from emotional neglect and the cycle just continued unnoticed. No one in my family knows how to celebrate each other and we don’t say I love you to each other. It caused major problems when my uncle passed away because my grandmother refuses to believe the issues that followed stems from her lack of affection. I always wished I had the mother-daughter relationships I see others have and I’m working hard to make sure I pour into my daughter and break the cycle

[pithyparty]

I'm 70 years old and just now learn that I was gaslighted my entire life. I heard that I was neurotic and too sensitive. My mother was emotionally vacant and blamed me for a lot of things. I know that I am a warm, loving and giving person and I tell myself that daily now. I chose a career as a massage therapist and don't think that was an accident. I experienced no touch as a child. She's in a rehab center now after two falls over the past year. All of the emotional neglect is coming up in me and I struggle with her neediness but am trying to take the high ground. Thank you for this video.

[Mary-elpi]

I’m the oldest of five girls. We were never asked our opinions, we were expected to “salute and ask how high to jump!” Our mother was sweet but sort of helpless…and our father ruled the house. No outward display of affection, either, or positive affirmations for any accomplishments, etc. My sisters and I raised our children so differently, thank goodness.

[Infinityflowyoga]

Wow…I have been a child with a tiger mom and commander dad. As an empath, I was told that I am too sensitive my whole life. I have recently begun healing and forgiveness, but realised I have abandoned myself my entire life to fit in

[susanwhite]

I think my parents were so unhappy married to each other and focused on their own unhappiness that they neglected asking if we kids were okay-emotionally. At 66, Ive been having flashbacks of my awful experiences in Catholic school -and Im realizing why I feel so anxious in many situations. Im that little girl being bullied and mortified by the nuns and then feeling not good enough. I never talked about my tough times in school with my parents because I didnt think they would think it was important.

[KMoore-cr]

Very insightful. I'm 62, had a alcoholic dad and a mom depressed. She died when I was 12. We were left to ourselves not even relatives helped. Left home at 13. Never went back. A lot more to the story and I've always have known I'm emotionally stunned. Was there for my wonderful kids. But to this day can't tell someone what I want. No favorite color ect... so different from other people. Have never had counseling except from the Lord who has helped me a lot.

[Skevanston]

Thank you very much. Growing up in the seventies I don't remember anyone, my parents, relatives, neighbors, teachers talking about emotions let alone asking children questions about it. This is very helpful!

[Chahlie]

My parents only spoke to me to criticise. I had zero social skills. Now that I am almost 60 and have sorted it all out, I am going through basically a redo of my young years. I love working with young people, helping them to succeed, and seeing the ones who are lucky enough to be well adjusted. I don't try to be young, I just like to be around them and see them doing all the things I was never able to, it gives me hope for the world.
So many of us messed up people.

[abeal]

I grew up in the fifties and don't recall anybody talking about feelings, ever.
My grandfather lost his father when he was only eight years old. His first wife died young, 49, of cancer. My grandmother was one of six children, but only three of them lived to be ten years old. My Mother-in-law's brother was killed on Okinawa during WWII. He was 21. Her first husband died at 61, she remarried a widower whose first wife also died at 61.

It wasn't that long ago that loss was part of life, everybody's life, and all anybody could do was get on with it.
They grieved, and they pushed on, and buried their emotions along with the dead. Many people experienced the loss of siblings, parents and grandparents while they were still very young themselves. Everybody was feeling sad, but after the funeral, they didn't talk about it.
I think everybody was emotionally neglected.

[marytaft]

This was my childhood. I was the only child of two alcoholic parents who went through the Great Depression, Dust Bowl and WW2. They had absolutely no idea how to relate to a child. I think after they had me they realized that having kids was a terrible mistake. Their motto was “ Children should be seen and not heard.” I was not spoken to unless they were issuing a direct order to do something. I was sent off to sit by myself in another room whenever they had anything to discuss. Because they never talked with me, I never learned who they were as people. There were no family rules, only explosive screaming if I accidentally did something they didn’t like. They did everything they could to avoid me, and finally threw me out of the house at age 19 when they disapproved of my college housing arrangement. They are long gone, but I still wonder what made them so hateful and intolerant.

[jennajewert]

I appreciate this so much. I'm 47 and grew up in the 80's and 90's. I think a lot of families were like mine; parents stressed about money, overwhelmed by work and the demands of life left my parents always depleted, with little interest in their kids. Yes, we had food, clothes and shelter but children also need love and attention. There wasn't much in the way of positive feedback, interest or affection. When you grow up feeling like you don't matter, it impacts every area of your life as an adult. I'm still trying to heal.