Healing means no longer being in the service of the narcissist

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[januahry]

I officially have adopted you as my counselor! I can't afford a counselor but watching your videos over and over again brings healing to my soul! I will break free soon!

[Eighties-Jadie]

"Never let toxic people rent a space in your head. Raise the rent and get them out!" I read this years ago and can't remember who quoted it. It's easier said than done but because they're no longer in my physical space I'm working on removing them from my mental space and also getting back into my art and poetry again to help me heal and move on 🖌️🎨📚 thanks Dr Ramani ❤️

[abracadaverous]

If you're trying to "show" your abuser(s) that you're better than they thought you were, you haven't yet internalized the fact that their criticism has NOTHING to do with you. You cannot impress someone who is deeply invested in devaluing you as a way to feel better about themselves.

When they see you trying so hard to please them, they just see how much power they have over you. Their criticism of you is not about any specific thing you are doing wrong; it's just that your existence is a threat to their sense of superiority. You will not ever get their approval. The best you can do is piss them off by living your best life without giving a damn about what they think.

[NarcSurvivor]

Healing means no contact. Disengage from the narcissist.

[chillout]

"Remember how they didn't notice you, while you were in the relationship? They aren't going to notice you succeed either." this really connected with me. Thank you for saying this.

[shaeholden]

Oh, Dr Ramani, the most impactful part of my healing when I left was freedom. Freedom from the silent treatment, blatant insults, vindictive punishments, regular arguments...freedom from hell. It's been 10+ years since I left and I STILL get emotional realizing I am free now. I am FREE.

[Shimmerin]

Stop looking to the narc for ANYTHING. Fantasies, revenge anything. Just remove them. You hit it dead on again Doc.

[stardustfoufa]

"I only existed when it was useful for them" ouch! I often told her "you don't treat me like a human, I'm not a person to you" cause it's true, they don't see you, they just see themselves and what serves them. thank you dr ramani!

[germainetanjiemin]

Healing speeds up a ton when you are busy-- your headspace has no more room for the narcissist when you are living your life. The first six months was a mix of anger, sadness, neediness, love and hatred. Now when I think of them, there is less emotion attached to the memories. Healing is a non-linear process but it truly does get better with time :)

[galamander_]

"You were the storage unit for their shame". Holy crap, yes! That was a lynchpin statement for me. I immediately felt greater ease and compassion towards myself. Thank you!

[emmescheeff]

I think the revenge fantasy of the narcissistic person noticing you if you become or achieve “x” is rooted in feeling “unworthy” of the narcissistic person; you wouldn’t feel it necessary to strive to be the narcissistic person’s version of “perfect”, unless you feel you’re “lacking”. Healing truly begins when you realise you are enough all along, and that you define your own worth.

[luvphoenix]

no contact Is the only thing that's getting me thru this thank you dr ramani 🙏🏾❤

[js]

Oh, this is so good to hear! For 26 years I felt progressively more and more like an indentured slave to my narcissistic husband. I would say to him 'you're treating me like a slave' but I didn't know about npd so I stayed stuck. It is liberating to be free. Thank you Dr Ramani 😘

[izawaniek]

Let’s keep moving forward into our authentic selves far away and separate from the narcisists. Thank you dr Ramani

[pateole]

It’s difficult trying to wash away the garbage, the stink remains despite many showers. The healing is slow but the biggest catalyst is my son, also my freedom at being a healthy person for both of us. Thank you Dr. Ramani ❤️

[jenj]

I've just realised recently it's pointless to try to please a narcissist, because if you do something 'perfectly' to avoid criticism, you'll actually trigger their insecurities & they'll knock you down so they can feel superior again. It's therefore utterly pointless to try to gain their approval - absolutely agree you need to do what's right for you & kick them out of your head because you can't please them anyway.
I'm sadly barely speaking to my mother as even the most mundane conversation results in her passively aggressively baiting me.

[geraldharmon]

I remember the biological father said to me that I was going to fail as a single father because he did...then I will see how hard it was and I'll appreciate him more...😂😂😂 well, I raised my daughters as a single father and watched both of them leave the nest on their own. I did it! But I didn't do it for him...why would I. I did for my girls. He probably got mad because I accomplished something he couldn't. Oh well, go get mad in a car! 😭😭😭😭

[joyelizabethvinson]

You are seriously helping me end a 7 yr hell for good!! Thank you so much!! Dr Ramani rocks
❤️😎🥂

[ashleynoelle]

It’s been since 2019 that I’ve felt paranoia, guilt, shame and responsibility and worst of all that I was the abusive narcissist in this five year long horrible experience with a destructive Napoleonic narcissist. I’m done. I feel it. I’m ready to heal.

[FatimaZahraHassan]

Dr Ramani, your videos have been such a support. This sounds like a cliched, but you are a star. Prayers and best wishes!