Healing vs. succeeding after a narcissistic relationship

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[blairsy]

"You wanna pull them FULLY out of your story. That's healing." Yes!!

[tinaturner]

I think one of the first steps to healing is figuring out which thoughts and beliefs are your own vs the narcissists.

[noorabbas]

Dr Ramani, this was really profound and you verbalized what I had been feeling on a subconscious level. The focus should be healing, resting, and getting better and upgrading ourselves not in spite of the narcissist but because we deserve it as whole human beings.

[katherinetomasello]

When I was a kid, I was thoroughly convinced that I would earn my narcissistic mothers trust and respect once I was an adult. It took me getting pregnant to realize that the way my mother treated me, was abuse, and that I would never be treated any differently. I made the decision to never let my children see their mother being abused, and went no contact.

[adventureswithwolfdogs]

I have found the best revenge is being truly happy with me

[obieobrien]

Not needing their validation and not feeling the need to get approval from them has been a huge step in my healing

[nikkinorton]

I didn't have any of revenge thoughts. I just wanted to get away.

I kept my self small so there would be no jealousy. I worked around the clock, as an excuse not to deal with it. I wore myself out doing that and burned out.

Then I spent 4 years, out in the woods. Mostly because of stalking, but it ended up boring my stalker, and I got the time to deal with the mental work. It was a win win.

[HelaineChersonsky]

Revenge is MINE, saith the Lord, I will repay." I feel this is appropriate. Dr. Ramani, you are right; truly healing is much more difficult, but more freeing. Freedom, that's the magic word, not revenge, although revenge can be a motivator, the true motivator is freedom, freedom to do and be what you are designed to be. Blessings to you and your staff and all those who struggle with the trauma bond. Be Free!!

[ahumandoodle]

Thanks to you, Dr, I realized how it was never personal what the narcissist did to me..
I became indifferent to the narcissist, and instead I started to become so much more kind to myself and so forgiving
Thank you so much, I can never thank you enough!

[lovely]

I started off this year with getting the revenge body, becoming successful and reaching all goals with the motivation to make him regret cheating and hurting me. Over the past couple months it’s definitely shifted to I do these things in balance for the goal of reaching peace in my life. I want to have peace within myself more than anything and the goals of finishing my degree, losing weight to become strong and healthy and starting over with my kids is in the name of peace. It’s a long road to get there but that’s what keeps me going now.

[oshadik]

I’ve been with a narcissistic partner for almost 14 years, 2 years married to him. He was so toxic and full of crap. I’ve been under a dark cloud for so long that I didn’t know how to make things better. But god knows I’ve tried. It took me this long to realize and understand what was wrong. Finally I decided to cut ties with him and I’m soon to be divorced. Your videos have helped me so much Dr Ramani. Thank you 🙏🏼❤️‍🩹🌸

[cherieswannhanson]

So many people have tried to tell me: “some day he’ll realize what he lost and regret it” they don’t understand when I say: “no. He won’t. “ and I don’t know how to explain it to them nor why I don’t care about that. This helps thanks.

[donnadumare]

They're never going to value you. You have to value yourself as much as you want the narc to value you! They'll be out of your heart when self-love is put back in there. I've been there. Thanks, Dr. R.!

[sherrymurphy]

"Pull them out of the context of your life." "Pull them completely out of your story." Much harder done than said... but the best advice ever. Thanks Dr Ramani ...

[lindastevens]

I am going through this now, emotional pain sucks..Im dealing with a Father, and Sister currently and something snapped in me recently..snapped into place telling me I am done. I just turned 53 and have realized I have wasted most of my life trying to live up to their expectations, obtain their approval, and never be good enough. This work is going to be hard, but I have decided I am worth it..nope successful revenge does not work as I have piled on the degrees, the work accolades, the house etc, but they are always there putting me down. It is time for me and also considering getting my own therapist and get this work done and honestly live my best life free from emotional and verbal abuse.

[mattstando]

I was feeling quite embarrassed after the introduction. Dr. Ramani hit the nail on the head with the, “I’ll show you” attitude, I’ve definitely been through that. Thanks for the great learning experience.

[smolangrymartian]

THIS is so important! The first time i had a falling out with a narc friend, i set my heart on revenge and trying to be better than them. That ate away YEARS of my life and HAPPINESS, and it cost me a lot of peace with another friend because i wouldn't stop being angry over them. I became unhinged. Now i realise i don't even know who i am or what i really want to do anymore.

This friend cut me off after years and is fed up with me. But now instead of repeating my revenge cycle I'm doing actual healing work. I'm saving up and payinh for therapy, laying low, staying offline from most apps, and just trying to understand what i want and who i am. It's very important. Thank you dr R! ♡

[bravelily]

I honestly don’t have any vengeful thoughts. I just want peace and sanity for my kids and myself.

[mikejarrells]

Thanks & good job. This is an important message. It's hard to reconnect with your true self when you grow up surrounded by narcissists. The manipulation and self sacrifice runs deep. It's important to reconnect with your authentic self and distance yourself from toxic manipulation. That inner critic can be harsh.

[sawyerramos]

20 years later, my father said "come to think of it, I am proud of (me)". My reaction to that was "who says I need his validation?" I pulled myself out of emotional hell for me. It took years and years of hard work, but I did it. Today I am in my mid 40's and my father is dead. I dont need any of it.