Why Can't Narcissists Get Out Of The Way Of Their Own Anger?

Over time, you learn that it doesn't take much for narcissist's to be ticked off. They carry an ongoing, underlying tension just beneath the surface. Making matters worse, they repeatedly illustrate that they have no clue about managing it well. Why is that? Dr. Les Carter explains how their anger represents chronic maladaptive coping skills, and offers insights on the better alternatives.

📣 Dr. Carter's new course, Anger Games, is now available! 📣

Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder. Since creating his YouTube channel, his videos have received more than 115 million views.

You can follow Surviving Narcissism on:
Twitter: @SNarcissism101
Instagram: @survivingnarcissism101
Facebook: @survivingnarcissism101

Dr. Carter has three other courses that you may find to be useful:

[anitagirish]

They never apologize. After their anger outbursts they behaves as nothing has happened and people wont believe you if you tell them.

[blue.]

It’s because they are so full of themselves that their emotions (no matter how baseless) override all else.

[jeankipper]

Oh golly I sure wish I'd known this 20 years ago. And 40. And 60.

That their rage and arrogance was NOT due to me. Or due to my existing. That I was not to blame. That their pain and dissatisfaction was not caused by me, and that I was not obligated to relieve their "pain."

Hey better late than never. Thanks, Dr. C, for being so clear.

[Victoria-cn]

After their temper tantrum they act like nobody saw it, including themselves!

[roxymovie]

They are not able to manage their anger because their are constantly suppressing and hiding their inner pain, which makes introspection impossible.

[michelepascoe]

They hold on to every angry, disappointing moment of their life. They hold resentment for each one and can tell the story, with indignation, 75 years later. "Never forgive!" is their motto. Retribution is their response. And they fill others with their anger and hatred.

[patriciafry]

The anger comes from “unrealized entitlement”. I think it was Dr. C who once said that.

[Chrisann-we]

I found fighting back dangerous and I found NOT fighting back just as dangerous and useless.
They don't see you, they don't hear you and they will NEVER be happy....i found it to be quite pathetic

[robbiewooden]

They are filled with so much anger. So sad

[roxymovie]

Because their subconscious "trigger technique" (defense mechanism) is to displace their anger onto you whenever they feel threatened.

[brucefriedman]

Anyone who does not live up to the narcissist's unreasonably lofty standards is targeted with their wrath.

[tyremanguitars]

it can be annoying that YOU get the blame for their anger issues, the lack of responsibility will always baffle me, but I have learnt to accept it's just how some people are.

[devanb]

Why do they NEVER feel the need to apologize for their outbursts and mean insults?

[SybilaR]

“Move forward without their pain defining you”. One of the most helpful pieces of advice that I heard regarding narcissism… very helpful for survivors of narcissistic abuse.

[roxymovie]

Reasons why Narcs can't manage anger:

1. Poor early modelling for anger
2. Drawing upon old patterns, but with no insight
3. Inept, incompetent regarding emotional management
4. Not enough curiosity for learning
5. They confuse dominance with influence
6. They think only in terms of correctness
7. They frame relationships in binary terms
8. They fear being irrelevant
9. They are confused about their own worth
10. Their insecurities are profound
11. They are carrying great woundedness
12. They have no inner peace to draw upon

Be aware:
》Narcs are driven by anger

》》Focus inwardly
》》Be aware of your own anger/wounds
》》Focus on clean self-preservation
》》Identify your higher priorities

Dr Carter 👨‍🦳 and Gus 🐶 thank you for another lesson full of insight 🌞🌟🌝🌈

[Hatbox]

Anger seemed to be my nex's driving force. He was very unbalanced.

[anneyoung]

Thanks, Doctor C. Their anger is indeed an impediment to their development.
The narcissist displays that they lack mental control/emotional management in every area. No one with emotional self-control does the things they do (overreacting to any criticism or disrespect, bullying, vengeance seeking, gas lighting, rage, passive aggression, devaluation of a target, codependent manipulation, desperate need for external validation, triangulating others, playing the victim, lies, smear, jealousy, coercive control). These practices scream emotional immaturity. In fact, the narc. is completely enslaved to their emotions, whether they are good at disguising it or not (the covert ones are masters! Beware!).
Keep bringing the warnings.

[amandaliverpool]

I think they frighten themselves that much that they root themselves to the spot!

[NumberOneCookieMuncher]

I don't know about just under the service. He is CONSTANTLY enraged and agitated constantly, he can't ever even speak at a normal tone or talk normal or not be angry unless he is talking to somebody else, in which is he pretending to be nice. he is just So angry but when i mention it he says he isn't angry. He can literally be SCREAMING and flailing his arms and say he isn't angry. VERY confusing.

[AlexLouiseWest]

Dr C, that was a fascinating anecdote about your brother’s work. It must be heartbreaking. But at the same time, you’re absolutely right: it’s not ok for anyone to take out their anger on others, no matter how much pain they are in.