Toxic Boyfriend? How To Tell & How To Stop It

This is what a toxic relationship looks like:

Most of the time your boyfriend is sweet and loving but sometimes it seems like he’s a totally different person. He’s moody, angry, and hurtful. Conversations end in rage and tears and you never know which version of him will walk through the door. Sometimes he makes you feel completely worthless but when you’re at your lowest, he’s always there to pick you back up.

Are you in a toxic relationship?

Hi I’m Amy North. I’m a relationship coach and I focus on helping women get the love life they want and deserve. Today we’re talking about toxic relationships.

Toxic relationships aren’t always as clear cut as you might expect. There won’t always be obvious physical or emotional abuse. If you’re worried things have crossed a line, check out our latest article on abusive relationships right now.

Furthermore, toxic relationships build over time. What at first feel like personal quirks and small unkind comments slowly become abusive behaviour and manipulation. I’m going to cover how to identify early signs that your relationship may be toxic.

First off, let’s clarify what a toxic relationship is. Toxic relationships don’t always have one victim and one abuser. Often both parties act in ways that hurt and enable the other’s toxic behaviour. I define toxic relationships as relationships in which one or both partners use manipulation to justify selfish and abusive behaviour and maintain power and control over the other person, whether or not they’re aware of it.

Toxic relationships take many forms but they all share common traits

Minimizing your concerns and maximizing their own.

This is classic narcissism. When you have a problem with what they’re doing, they see it as a personal attack and will do anything to discredit your concerns. When they have a problem with your behaviour, they’re unwilling to listen to your side or compromise in any way. This leaves you in a position where you avoid certain behaviour for fear of their reaction. You’re also afraid to call them out on their actions because you know that it will lead to a huge fight.

Extreme jealousy, paranoia and possessive behaviour.

A toxic partner will demand a lot of your time and attention. They’re often insecure and will accuse you of cheating when you’ve been apart for any length of time. They see friends and family as competition for your love and they’re afraid that you’re going to leave them if they don’t keep you contained.

Isolating you from friends and family.

Toxic partners don’t want their abuse to come under scrutiny from the outside world. On some level they know that their behaviour is abnormal and would raise red flags and eventually lead to the end of your relationship. Think of yourself like the frog in the pot of water. They’ve been slowly raising the temperature over a period of months or years so you don’t even realize you’re being burned. If another frog suddenly jumped in, they’d recognize right away what is going on and alert you to the abuse. Your partner doesn’t want that.

A cycle of abusive behaviour followed by apologies and promises.

Toxic relationships aren’t entirely negative. They’re often characterized by extremes of negativity and positivity. One moment you’re a terrible boyfriend or girlfriend who is ruining their life. The next moment they’re so sorry, you’re the love of their life and they’ll die without you. This extreme teeter totter keeps you off balance and let’s them call the shots in the relationship.

If you can identify with any of these behaviours then you may be in a toxic relationship. So what’s your next move?

*** More from Amy North: ***

[elaiza.syrena]

i regret having a boyfriend. he's my worst enemy.

[maynabiya]

this is my whole relationship in one video- damn im shocked- i thought i was just too sensitive

[girlinthesouth]

Ex was a malignant narcissist. SO glad I'm out of that relationship!!!

[chandranpk]

I had a toxic relationship and he was over controlling everything, fighting for getting late replies and dont ever understand me & my situations, but he is good at acting and convincing me that all he did was because of his love towards me, now he is blackmailing me that he will kill me & commit suicide if I leave him, don't know what to do, but I loved him even he is toxic, I won't be happy with or without him, please help me what to do, I am depresses to the fullest, hope you will help me🙏🙏🙏

[tezclark]

I love to spend time with the woman I'm seeing, but what does get to me is when they insist on still spending time with people they've had sex with or been in a relationship with especially when kids arent involved. I know it's not my place to tell them they cant do it but usually they're pretty happy with you if you put up with it, I'd never disrespect my partner by spending time with people I've had sex with or been in a relationship with unless she was 100% ok with it, so why do women see this differently and expect men to just be ok with it? That is toxic for sure if you are supposed to love someone and know they are hurt by your actions a d continue to carry on! Not many women would put up with that sort of behaviour from their man I'm sure.

[davidcastillo]

That angelic aura/blur filter on your video is kinda silly. Your advice is always on point, though.

[peopleashealingtrauma]

this where the
Intentions flaws start hope he aint paranoid
At the end of the day physical
And verbal ion play that 💯

[stelladuncanmusic]

I'm vulnerable when he's abusive, he's vulnerable when I block him ...
Such a creep my boyfriend is..🤧

[fifiluxesparkles]

He told me he use to beat up women n I ran like crazy

[scotty]

i’m soooo toxic and i really need to change i can’t stop being like this i don’t wanna lose her :/

[DD-lydj]

Hi
Can you make a video how to get rid of such people without hurting them