10 Signs YOUR Relationship is Toxic

While healthy relationships have ups and downs, both partners generally feel loved, respected, and emotionally safe. If you are in a toxic relationship, you do NOT feel emotionally safe or secure. You feel judged, oppressed, controlled, and fundamentally flawed as a partner and as a person. In this video, I talk about 10 key differences between a healthy relationships and a toxic one. I will also give you one question to ask yourself to figure out if YOU are a toxic partner.

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About Lise Leblanc
Lise Leblanc is a Therapist, Life Coach, and Author with over 20 years of experience in therapeutic, educational, and leadership roles.

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DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION IN THIS VIDEO IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL ADVICE, DIAGNOSIS OR TREATMENT. All content is for general information purposes only and does not replace a mental health care of consultation with a health professional.

If you have thoughts about harming yourself, get help right away by taking one of these actions:

Call 911 or your local emergency number immediately.
Call a suicide hotline number. In the U.S., call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) In Canada: 1.833.456.4566
Call your mental health provider, doctor or other health care provider.
Reach out to a loved one, trusted friend.
DISCLAIMER: THIS IS FOR INFORMATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR MENTAL HEALTH CARE.

Introduction (0:00)
Your Role (0:35)
1: Constantly Feel Manipulated (1:27)
2: Emotional Crutch (2:16)
3: Emotionally Unsafe (3:34)
4: Psychological Abuse (4:54)
5: Empty Apologies (6:05)
6: Isolated (6:42)
7: Caged Animal (7:14)
8: Push-Pull (8:40)
9: Circular Problems (9:54)
10: External Reasons (10:36)

#toxicrelationships #toxic #narcissist #borderline #npd

[crashtestdhimmi]

When a random stranger at Walmart tells you, "Sir, there is a hotline for that, you don't have to take that from her", you might be in a toxic relationship

[robhulse]

Tip: if your partner lies to everyone around you on a regular basis, you better believe they've been lying to just as frequently

[cdorothy]

7:50 feel more like yourself when your partner is not around
I feel it

[jodzilla]

I seem to attract this type of person but I can’t see it until I’m in too deep. It’s like don’t have eyes for it.

[pedrokarstguimaraes]

There is another… when past wrongs of your partner are like the elephant in the room, and because it’s tabu, everything must be “fine”. After some time, you get obsessed instead of forgetting.

[malisonlor]

In 14 years of a toxic relationship, I'm still blaming myself after 1 year of break up. I'm learning to heal and to love myself again, but again, I still feel like I'm the villain. I'm the cause of all miaery, but I tell myself I'm still healing.

[lynnettekinney]

Yes major fatigued all the time!!! Mentally!

[justarandomnoob]

sounds exactly like mine, oppression, always wrong, silent treatment, name calling, things behind my back how am i supposed to fix this when they. don’t see the wrong

[curlcd]

Thank you very much for this... I am an older man who was once married to a woman for 15 years ... 3 kids... then a divorce that devastated me... I bounced from relationship to relationship for 13 years..some 2 years some 2 months... of the many, only one ended unpleasantly... I met a woman while walking my dog 3.5 years ago... she was younger but we clicked... intelligent, attractive, funny, and a therapist... we quickly move in together, she got pregnant, we got married... she is very intelligent, and seemingly kind... but it has grown progressively worse and worse. I have a fairly strong constitution and sense of self, but I have allowed this to degenerate to the point where I do not behave at all like the person I have always known myself to be... I am drained emotionally, and have zero empathy for any of her unreasonable outpouring of sorrow... I have no stressors in my life besides her... i had an awesome life before i met her, and I'm sure i will again. She refuses to give up and keeps alternating between love bombing, and horrible threats and insults.. she essentially refuses to let me divorce her... I don't know what to do. I fear for the mental health of our child if she gets custody. She comes across as put together and is well spoken, but in private she is completely emotionally disregulated and abusive.

[rainingpatchouli]

And circular conversations exist because of sweeping things, deflecting, stonewalling, and more

[noahfowler]

Lise, thank you again. This is a really helpful reminder. A month after the break up, even knowing what I know now, the oscillation between my old cognitive dissonance and new reality is hard. Love these weekly refreshers!

[marthawhite]

Insults, criticism, contempt and anger - none of these are healthy. No matter how 'sweet' they were in the beginning, the dark, enraged and sullen person is the true one. It's shocking how you can get sucked into such dysfunction, and then how hard it is to get out. You can be very scared to leave as well, suppressed rage and implied violence is very real, but you do have to leave.

I found that pretending to appreciate his great emotional support and commitment during a time of great need, how much I valued his 'being there' and helping me through a fictitious medical situation, and how grateful I was for his continued love and support - that since he was not willing to do any of that, he distanced himself from me and eventually left. I made him leave me, because otherwise I was afraid of his anger and violence if I forcefully left him. I wanted him to think it was his decision, that felt safer to me, sadly. I encourage anyone else to use that technique as well, it works.

[ComatoseInfiniteMindz]

When you ask your partner, if they would like to take couples therapy to see if there’s a miscommunication and they say they don’t need therapy, just let it go.

[idrezkd]

I've ask the same. Is it me, at some point I'm afraid so. When you try to fight back you mirror them. I'm ashamed of myself!! I still lost, there was no win.

[flowerpower]

Sums up a 6 year relationship I was in with a girl who had strong traits of BPD. Deep down I knew it had to end, and wanted to break up, but just couldn't pull the trigger. A part of me really cared about her and our bond was very strong. One year after another went by... I don't know what I got myself into (first relationship), but 6 years bonding, of intermittent reinforcement, and forming all sorts of memories together, made the inevitable break up extremely hard. It was heartbreaking, and after 1.5 years apart, the day I said goodbye is still burned into my memory.

She'll forever remember that time in her life as the worst thing that's ever happened to her, a complete mistake, and me as a monster. I never meant to hurt her... but I just had to do it.

I'm not entirely sure why, but I still think of her everyday, while she moved on rather quickly.

[AnAussieinNorway]

Thanks Lise. I was in a horrible toxic relationship with a pwBPD and I had a revelation that I stayed because of the FOG and sex trap. People don’t talk about sex as control and addiction. It’s true

[crbezni]

Thanks so much! I was cleaning, changed the sheets, washed the dirty sheets, moved night stands, cleaned all the dust bunnys and wiped down the dust from furniture. Because I couldn't do this the way it would please her she started yelling and telling me how stupid I am. No thanks at all. So what the hell is this bs.

[georgecisneros]

congrats on going over 100k. You'll be at 200k in half the time. thank you, endlessly, for taking the road less traveled and helping we men. and you don't let us off easy, you show up the part we play in choosing to be a victim. May God bless you and yours

[dtnr]

8:16 … this is the ultimate litmus test that I self discovered only months ago. I wish I’d seen your channel so much earlier in my journey to understand what was going on. Thank you for your work and focus. It has really helped me understand my situation and myself much better. Given me hope for recovery and motivation to seek counseling to be an even better version of myself again.

[EnFyr]

I drank a beer one hour earlier than promised after a close friend died.
The result was screaming and crying telling me I've messed her whole life up ect. Throwing and breaking things. I mean... I was just a loss for words. And whilst she says I'm stonewalling her, when she doesn't even know the meaning of the word. I just don't talk to people that don't listen.