ANXIOUS NARCISSISTIC MOMS: NARCISSISM & ANXIOUS ATTACHMENT

This video describes the collision between Anxious Attachment and Narcissism among moms (or primary caregivers) and what it looks like in terms of the impact upon us, parenting patterns, etc.

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[samwebb]

I’ve wondered is my mum narcissistic. Is she? Isn’t she? She is controlling, emotionally unavailable, critical, unappreciative and very expectant that I do what she ‘asks’ . I feel obliged because she has health issues and I feel resentment. I’m working in ways to detach and set boundaries, often been fearful of her angry responses to a ‘no’. Thanks for a very helpful video :)

[ashton]

Thank you for this very necessary and important information which is rare; nobody seems to talk about the anxious narc, or what this looks like in a parent.

[rylief]

I've been looking for videos like this to try and understand my relationship with my mother, and this is the first one I've found that's like. Accurate. Watching this was like a punch to the face and I cried a lot, but thank you so much

[oghamstone]

My biggest resentment twoards my narc mother, is that even after 60 years, there is zero accountability by her, of her for the horrific damage she did to me and my sister. I always thought life would even it out. But unfortunately it hasn't. She is still as delusionally un self aware and narc as possible. Regardless of the obvious mayhem she caused around her.

[sophiejackson]

Thanks for the great video. I struggle with un-enmeshing from my anxiety-ridden and possibly narcissistic mom because I know that much of her emotional dysfunction is due to her own mother’s issues. How does one have compassion while still protecting one’s sense is self? And changing the subject, I’d love to see the dish you’re making in the camera view. I bet it was yummy.

[SirWritesalot-zp]

I really appreciate your nuanced approach Dr Kim. Thank you. It concerns me a bit how narcissists have been demonised by many such channels/experts. On the other hand I understand 1st hand how important it is to validate peoples bad experiences with those who are narcs and understand how serious the illness is (and how important protecting yourself is).

God does not discard anyone and no one is too far gone to cry out to Him and be saved, but of course it takes a great leap of humility to admit there may be an authority higher than your own.

[KimberleyJP]

Kim I want to thank you for the amazing content you are creating. Easy to watch, educational but not too triggering (compared to others producing content in this space.) I'm sharing your work as much as I can, to spread this valuable knowledge. ❤

[DestinyA]

14:30
I am listening to this and it's reminding me of my mom.... Especially the part where they are so seriously convinced that they were the best parent.
I tried to tell my mom one day "I think you just did the best you could with the tools you had and we turned out pretty good " she got pissed and said, "Well you guys were running away and skipping school, what was i supposed to do?"
Idk but definitely not what she did. Which was tell us we were ruining her life and she didn't deserve us treating her like that, when she was the one who was treating us like garbage. She was always gone or home and drunk, she'd oftentimes grab my hair and throw me into a wall while blacked out drunk... I was 8.

[carlosnavarro]

I just turned 38 and of course my mom loves to ruin it so i had to do another little get together w ppl that actually feel happy for me and appreciate everything i do with love.. I just recently was able to get the horrible answers i needed to finally let those memories go, but my central nervous system is screwed and my mental health is so deteriorated from taking care of her and being there thru her failed marriages, my dad is doing well but hes alone and devastated after 30 years of giving us everything while we kids thought he just didnt want us..😢 well truth comes out and 😅. Really changes perpectives and changes who we r, i hope i can use all that overwhelming darkness and turn it into positive.. Now i can write sad songs and smile at the same time

[amber_lynn_johnson]

This is my parent. Because of this, I am who I am today. It’s challenging to predict my future. Having a safe home/income is my top goal, but I’m struggling to pull that energy daily to keep it going. Because of the daily abuse, and still living, feeling trapped by this parent. I’m 26 and feel like I will never be able to cope as an adult—have a career I like/love/can tolerate, treat others respectfully with healthy boundaries, navigate my own emotional/mental chaos, and financially succeed so I can live without fear and feel good. I’m not even sure where to go from here.

[rage]

My mom argues with me even when I'm agreeing with her

[BarbicideSmoothie]

My biggest resentment towards my mom is the fact she knew how she felt upon her growing up, feeling emeshed having conditional love. She bought the fact that i took her youth at 24. And with delight admits her viper mom punished me for being alive and a girl. She seems to feel I'm here to replace emotionally what her mom never gave her at the same time jealous of ANYTHING positive for me. She's competitive and vindictive and keeps score. Purposely falls flat on her monthly payments for you ssi so that she'll Purposely need me for help and guilt trip me. I'm sorry for rambling. it's just i feel like I'm on an island with someone that genuinely wants the worst for my life.
I hope all of us make it out safe and not feel trapped by an unfortunate situation i put myself in being here.
Thank you so much for always making things feel a lot clearer ✨️💯

[JesusSaves]

Hi everyone,

I find that I have OCD tendencies when I interact with my extremely anxious mom and detached father (who left the family). I notice that it flares up around them, but not in other situations. Has anyone else ever felt this way? I think it’s because these are my parents. I have found myself needing to go virtually no contact with them (unless something changes) because the feelings are so unpleasant for me. I also really appreciate Dr. Kim saying that a narcissistic, anxious parent can be so “busy” with multitasking that they are completely unable to be present one-on-one with a child. I felt this way so often with my mom, or that she was really controlling. I feel that going virtually no contact is the best way for me to heal and survive well at this point in time. 🙏

[nadineburdjugow]

After watching this video I'm wondering if my mum is narcissistic, she's definitely anxious and cannot sit still for two seconds even when she's exhausted. My dad is a text book narcissist and extremely volatile so I learnt to walk on eggshells with him and I have disliked him ever since I was an infant and I did everything to avoid him. My mum has always been the victim, venting to me about her issues with my dad and I had to always look after my sister because mum needed help and I was never allowed to mess up or I was the worst person in the world. Fast forward to being an adult and I find myself withholding information from her, not sharing the good things that have happened in my life or others we know because her response will always be 'lucky them it's nice to know some people have it good but I never do.' My mum has always been the bread winner in my family but my dad has brainwashed her into believing she needs him and that he can take everything away from her on the blink of an eye. It took me until I was 26 to realise my mum genuinely did not want to leave him or to help herself after a serious DV incident with my dad and I helped her to leave him only for her to get back together with him. I really just don't know what to think about my mum. She's definitely anxious with the victim mentality and the older I get the more I realise that she's potentially a narc.

[shauntaylor-lovelightfamily]

I love your talks, and I’m learning to cook Also, keep going just as you are, just the way you are, like the song 😊

[JesusSaves]

I love that you are helping us and cooking at the same time. “Ok, I just drained the feta cheese.” 😂 You are adorable!! Thank you!! 🙏💖

[cheryldailing]

Is it wrong that I spend a fair amount of time admiring your decor?😂❤

[chickenontheocean]

I feel like mothers hide their narcissism especially well because we females are very under pressure to be perfect, feminine, warm, nice

[dawnrobertson]

Hi Dr Sage, my mum definitely has anxious attachment. What I can't work out is if she's narcissistic or borderline or both.
She's controlling, likes to be the centre of attention, can be really dismissive and has a mean streak. Growing up she could be quite rageful and unpredictable. She's also good at playing the victim. But she can also be very nurturing, great fun, encouraging too.
We've had a love/hate relationship since my pre-teens. One minute she's giving me a complaint. But later on the very same day she will comment on my weight. It really messes with my head.
I'm 45 with a 15 year old daughter. We have a good relationship and I'd hate us to become like my mum and I.
Do you think it's more borderline than narcissistic?

[emmadedic]

This is my mum. I don't know what to do? I tried everything to avoid her, but nothing works..