WHEN THE NARCISSIST THINKS THEY WON

#narcissism #narcissistabuserecovery It can be extremely difficult to process and accept the injustice of being harmed by a narcissist who seems to get away with what they've done. Understanding the reality of why narcissists continually destroy everything good in their lives can help us understand that even when we feel defeated, we are the one with the real power to walk away with something meaningful.

Here is contact information for when immediate help with abuse or self harm is needed. It is recommended that you use a computer or phone that your abuser cannot monitor:

Emergency: 911
National Domestic Violence Hotline: [phone]
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
National Hopeline Network: 1-800-SUICIDE (800-784-2433)
Crisis Text Line: Text "DESERVE" TO 741-741
Self-Harm Hotline: 1-800-DONT CUT (1-800-366-8288)
YWCA - 202-467-0801
Canadian Assaulted Women's Helpline: 1-866-863-0511
UK National Domestic Abuse Hotline: [phone]
South Africa POWA: 011 642 434/6
Australia: 1-800-RESPECT

[oriolrodriguezdelolmo]

Sometimes, if you want to win a fight, the only way to win the fight is not fighting

[kevinjanghj]

Narcissists basically replicate this case of 'win the battle but lose the war'. This is ultimately linked to their total tunnel vision in which they only care about the present moment but forget about the ways in which they subsequently exit the course of human history in their infamy.

[kevinwilson]

They can't win because they are always trapped inside the misery of their own mind. Always looking over there shoulder, always the victim and always torturing someone.

[PantaRhei-wzzn]

One of the most important things in life is :
= See the world how it really is, without too many distortions, and then learning to HOLD ON to your own reality, based on facts.

[jennifertaylor]

This meant a lot to me! Exactly what I needed to hear! I moved my elderly narcissistic mother in to my home because she couldn’t afford to live alone anymore. I gave up my bedroom. Worked 2 jobs. Cooked and cleaned. While I was away from the home she convinced my two adult children that I was abusing her and that I really only loved their youngest brother. I kicked her out immediately. My sons have completely stopped speaking to me and their brother. We are so angry and heartbroken. It’s insane to me because she did this to my brother and my relationship years ago and my sons saw it and knew what she had done. We talked about it several times. Yet here we are back in the same situation and they are onboard with her BS.

[jackwilson]

Soooo true. This pattern fits every Narc battle I’ve encountered. Every Narc ends up alone because everyone is sick of their constant conflict. Yet during the battles they get “smirky” and convince themselves they’re “winning” so you start feeling like they’re somehow winning. But with time and distance you finally realize they’re idiots playing childish transparent games which piss everyone off. You also realize that behind their grand schemes they have the mind of a toddler. In retrospect if I had known what Narcs are all about I would have immediately walked away from them in silence and avoided them forever. Don’t blow up at them or else’s they’ll harass you for years to “win.” Just silently go No Contact without appearing like you’re going No Contact. In other words, casually fade into the background and then run like hell. Don’t yell “screw you I’m leaving” because then the Narc identifies you as the Villain they crave. Just leave as quietly as possible. If necessary, make some excuse for leaving. Tell them you have medical problems. Just don’t blame THEM openly for anything because their worldview is “ME GOOD, YOU BAD” and they will do literally anything to enforce that (False Self) worldview even if it means destroying your life. So if you criticize them, you’re creating a Narcissistic Injury and inviting them to the Neverending Battle. DO NOT CONFRONT the Narc because they’re crazy and all it buys you is a lifetime of getting tracked/harassed by a lunatic.

[fruitypopwhickle]

For me, dealing with two narcs back to back was more than just misfortune... The same way that catching a flu alerts you to the fact that you have a weak immune system, "catching a narc" alerts you to the fact that your defenses (ie. boundaries) are low. That's why boundried people are immune to narcs. Yes, narcs will try their luck, but their boundaries are too strong. That is all to say I've taken the intrusion of the two narcs in my life as evidence that I have a lot of self development to do. I'm working on my boundaries in therapy and there's definite progress.

[dorisbove]

I couldn't agree more, narcissists think they won the battle, but we win the war 🙏❤️🙏

[wayneelliott]

When the smear campaign was roiling away, when no-one would speak to me, when everyone gave me the side-eye, all because of the narcs pathological lies, slanders and self-descriptions, I was aghast at the damage that had been wrought around me. My crime? I helped the narc out, realised quickly her toxicity, and melted quietly away. She stalked me incessantly, received no response, became enraged and launched a rolling campaign of attack. That was five years ago and it has never ended.

[kaystephens]

They win because their audience supports them that they're "Right".

[doranvee]

I love how logical and well reasoned you are. I need your perspective. The trauma has been overwhelming. To her everything is about winning.

[phinton]

Your affirming words have helped me to come through the worst time of my life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

[cajuncrackerranch]

Thank you 🙏.
This… is a very great piece of work.
Much gratitude for you, this content, and your time to produce.

Now passing 3 years of isolation after being married 20 years unknowingly to a clinically diagnosed wife with FULL SPECIAL Cluster B Personality Disorder.

YES! All four traits 3-HIGH (BPD-HPD-NPD) and with 1-MEDIUM (ASPD).

Hidden behind a well constructed mask for years.

Completely destroyed everything including our 4 children.

[TobiDilz]

Just the fact (or appearance) of the change of their opinion of you (devaluation) is crippling after having been idealized so intensely. Thank you for untangling their madness.

[EstherLion]

You put into words everything I experienced with the narc that was in my life. Thank you, I feel less alone.

[deebee]

When they can’t destroy you, you win. When you practice self care, you win. When you’re finally able to get away from them, you win!

[lorraine]

Narcissistic neighbors made me loose my home, stalking, and harassing me.

[donaldcummings]

Excellent well spoken video presentation on a difficult subject. Thank you!

[CamaroChick-ls]

All these characteristics seem to align with an adult child...especially the tantrums/rage and lack of empathy, too even not liking ppl in authority n non stop lying. Meanwhile expecting a full grown adult, from a adult child. Thats really what ur up against.

[atlantaacman]

Ive come to the realization that what they do is very stupid and extemely dangerous . You love them, help them, are there when no one else is then they try to hurt you, break you. How can you help anyone if your ruined. Its so personal and the anger they cause you to feel is unbelievable. I realize the negative ways in which it has affected me and im an inch away from losing everything. Its so hard to just let it go because it is so personal. I had always thought narcs just thought highly of themselves, i never knew they were actual demons. Uggh, why have i never heard of such people. Im 52 and this covert narcissist term had never been mentioned in my presence. It took 2 minutes of research for me to discover her, after 32 years. If you are just finding out for yourself know this that they are trying to literally kill you. Its all a game that they are the only one who knows its being played when you have never been exposed. Be careful they are baiting you and they definately play the victim. They havent won a thing, total opposite actually. you may also learn who your real friends are?