The Freedom Of Not Caring What A Narcissist Thinks

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You may say that you don't care what a narcissist thinks, but when you become riled up with tension, annoyance, and frustration, it indicates otherwise. Psychotherapist Dr. Les Carter describes how to unhook from a narcissist's crazy-making behaviors by having an "I don't care" attitude about issues that truly do not matter.

Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who lives in Dallas, Tx. In the past 40 years he has conducted over 60,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and the treatment of narcissistic personality disorder.

[CG-btoc]

What my narc thought about me used to affect me so much (mostly because those thoughts/accusations were grossly inaccurate) that I wore myself out trying to explain, convince and justify to no avail. I finally gave up after 30 years...and I am gloriously FREE!

[davidfariello]

My father, brother and my sister are narcs. My mom is an enabler. I’m the truth teller.

[aneda]

Doc, I don't know how you do it... I was just praying God would help me not to care what the narcissist in my life thinks or says!! You have been a God sent. Your videos have helped me to understand what I'm dealing with. God bless you!!🙏

[dirtysanchez]

I am tired of being angry.. I really want to work on me. I want to live better, and it is up to me. I appreciate Dr. Carter giving us his time. The people in the comments are pretty groovy as well.

[KellyOShea]

Don't take the garbage personally, it's about them, not you. Unpersonalize the vitriol, and your half way there.

[billr]

I remember when it started to dawn on me a few years ago that, as you say, I can't afford to care. It is a good concept to understand and remember. I've noticed that narcs hate it when I don't care about what they think is important, when I refuse to get wrapped up in their little dramatic plays. Gus has it figured out.

[susansmart]

One more thing about a narcissist? When the going gets tough, the narcissist gets going... into Disgusting.

[ramonafrances]

I love this talk. Freedom is precious. Too many years have been wasted over-caring.

[angelamwatts]

You're exacxtly right Dr. Carter. I have learned that the best way to deal with narcissists is to first, accept the narcissist for who they are. Don't try to reason with or change the narcissist. Second thing I have learned is to set strong boundaries and don't allow the narcissist to cross them (i.e., don't go out of your way to do things for them. Don't engage them in conversation unless you have to. Keep the conversation simple). The third thing is exactly what Dr. Carter is saying don't care what they do (i.e. the smear campaign and the hissy fits).

When the narcissist smears you with people don't worry about what is said. People who genuinely care about you will figure it out eventually. The ones who don't matter are controlled by the narcissist. Do you really want to be around that person anyway?

[jayaom]

I was amazed while meditating how often my mind is distracted by imaginary conversations with the narcissists or flying monkeys where I'm trying to explain my point of view. I practiced just letting it go in meditation and eventually that became more like how I felt in the relationships with narcissists. I realized that I do have that freedom to not care... or to feel something then let it go (while focusing on something else).

[USNBLUE]

When you give up caring what a Narc says or thinks you find the two of you having nothing left. 😉 but be prepared for the Narc to kick it up into high gear! Run, do not walk.

[apeyb]

For all of the years I spent being frustrated, disgusted, aggravated, and withdrawn towards my husband- becoming a narcissist myself- all I needed was the freedom to let go of what he thought about me!! I’ve been a different person ever since. I thought I was just a bad person, for even thinking that he wasn’t as good as he thought he was!

[aliceroberts]

Yep I actually said to him I don’t care what you think and walked away . He was speechless for once. Then he just threw it back at me later. Like Dr.C said before “ why would you listen to someone that’s is damaged “ not the person I would take advice from.

[oklahomaisok]

When I realize someone is a narc I lose respect for their opinions. They need to work on their own problems instead of putting down other people.

[afakkobyab]

*"CHRONIC BAD MOODS"* that is all they are about Dr. Carter. And naive people such as I am, use to jump through so many hoops thinking "one day I will make her happy, I will"... :D Thanks for eye opening videos and all the information sir. What you share here is *LIFESAVING INFORMATION.*

[judybunch]

Yes, I have always cared TOO much, you are sooo right. I found myself mumbling, I Don’t care...but I did.
I had my feelings hurt, constantly. It was a sickness. Life is good now, I got far far away from that person.🙂

[toreeshii]

I told a narc that I didn’t care about external opinions and he saw that as a problem; he immediately started attacking me to attempt to make me care about his opinion.

[northtexas]

I don't care is my new thoughts to these narcs! Thank you Dr. C. Blessings!

[Sunny-iqhm]

Should be a good one! There is indeed a great freedom in that. We can't control what others think anyway. Let's be our authentic selves, and let that speak well of us😊

[frailingbadly]

The feeling of not caring, finally, is wonderful but it has taken nearly a year to 'unhook' from his chaotic abusive emotional orbit. Worth all the work and the wait.