10 Ways Narcissistic Parents Set You Up For A Narcissistic Partner

Children in narcissistic families are assigned roles and manipulated to fulfill the needs of the narcissistic parent(s). As a result, they suffer from low self-esteem and struggle in their adult relationships. In this video, I explain 10 ways that narcissistic parents set their children up to be perfect targets for narcissistic partners later in life.

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About Lise Leblanc
Lise Leblanc is a Therapist, Life Coach Practitioner, and Author with over 20 years of experience in therapeutic, educational, and leadership roles.

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DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION IN THIS VIDEO IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL ADVICE, DIAGNOSIS OR TREATMENT. Lise Leblanc does not provide personalized psychological, health, or legal advice. Any information or responses provided on YouTube are general and hypothetical, not individualized. This content is for informational purposes only and viewers should verify primary sources and/or seek professional services. Narratives about clients are heavily modified to protect their identities, using blurred details to teach and reassure without revealing private information about individuals.

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DISCLAIMER: THIS IS FOR INFORMATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR MENTAL HEALTH CARE.

Introduction (0:00)
Narcissistic Family / Roles (0:58)
#1 Competitive Behavior (1:58)
#2 Demeaning (2:46)
#3 Violate Boundaries (3:04)
#5 Flaunts Accomplishments (5:08)
#6 Guilt and Fear (5:54)
#7 Playing Favorites (6:29)
#8 Invalidates Feelings (7:23)
#9 Love and Approval is Dependent (7:58)
#10 Gaslighting (8:39)
Conclusion (9:06)

#NPD #covertnarcissist

[unravelingsoul]

Number 11: they NEVER say sorry to you. They communicate to you that you're not worthy or important. I've discovered lately that my mom is a a covert narcissist. It has been difficult because she's been undercover with that angel face for so long. But my many abusive relationships with plenty of narcissists and psychopaths told the truth, someone taught me to be like that. She always played the victim and put the guilt on others. But now I know everything and I'm on recovery process. Thanks for posting and support us 🥰

[kevthepoet]

It is extremely synchronous that this was uploaded today after I received a word document from my mother telling me just how abusive I was (for standing up to her narcissistic abuse, controlling and bullying.) She sent me a message that was designed entirely to guilt trip me and shame me. . That was what I woke up to this morning. I also ended a narcisstic romatic relationship a month ago. So it's kind of magic to see this now. I have to stop people pleasing and I have to stop allowing myself to get bullied.

[SalvatoreFerrell]

Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.

[simontmn]

This was my childhood. I had no idea. Thank you so much. ❤

[paulshortall]

I just realized we had a golden child, a scapegoat & a couple of enablers . . .

[herbamare]

Exactly! I'm married to a covert narcissist. My mother is a malignant narcissist.
I live in the different country from my parents, that's at least my saving grace. But I'm with my husband who is unfortunately a covert narcissist and I only got to know those conditions after I was diagnosed with anxiety, c-ptsd, depression and adjustment disorder few years ago and I had to resign from my job.
My psychiatrist diagnosed my husband and my parents, hearing the stories from me. I thought everyone was the same at home...
I'm in 50's and have three adult children. Eldest is very much narcissistic like her father.
I wish I knew all these information about narcissistic behavior when I was young.
Thank you Lisa.

[jenniferhaynes]

I grew up in a narcissistic household. I also learned how to brush things off, but I wrote in my journal in order to get some of my feelings out.I had an emotionally unavailable lifestyle with both parents. My twin sister has her trauma from our childhood, but in many cases she would bully me when we were kids. She recognizes her behavior, but she is still damaged because of years of a dysfunctional home.We had to learn how to emotionally survive on our own. Total invalidation of feelings and competition in the family.

[johnstone]

I like this info
I’m trying to learn an create a Better Life
It’s like I’m stopping generations of learned behavior
I’ve heard this 1 attribute of a Empath
Thank You for sharing 😊

[laxfich_gecko]

had to pause this multiple times
it's just too intensive, man!

[brockshen]

Deep! What percentage of narcissistic parents produce the narcissistic child rather than the victim?

[heyoldman]

thank you again Lise. i sought validation my whole life . if i could work hard enough, help enough people i felt i was ok … sadly i carried that into my 40 year abusive marriage. but i have a new life, a Lady that is so good to me, loving, supportive and truly a trusted friend. i feel so Blessed 😊

[markkimball]

Spot on my wife says my step son is who he is because d she raised him ! 😂 a decorated Usmc Officer he did it, all we did was give him support & let him see a life of service !👨🏻‍🚒🇺🇸

[RyanChand-cb]

more great content, thank you for acknowledging their ability to deceive the public. Everyone thought my parents were the most nurturing and caring parents but behind close doors I once called the cops on my mom for the physical abuse.

[dosgatosnegros]

Wow. Spot on! - a male child of malignant narcissist mother and exspouse to three narcs. Now 64 and completely disabled by the abuse.

[MrRealtalk]

As a father not living with his kids and the mother being diagnosed as a narcissist I find it very hard from the outside looking in and trying to protect them. Unfortunately a lot of the things you had stated the mother has already done during the pivotal stages in my daughters life by constantly calling her names and De-meaning her out loud in front of her younger brother and in front of her boyfriend, front of anyone. I try always reinforcing the opposite to my daughter saying that she is not stupid and she is capable of achieving anything she wants. She had no requirements for her in high school and expected her to apply for college on her own and started her out in major debt in a private university on campus during COVID. I pulled her out and she has done very well at her job and has exceeded all expectations. I told her that I was always proud of her and told her the sky is the limit. Yet What did the Mother think or expect by letting a little girl go out as late as she wanted to accommodate her own lifestyle while my son was with me on the weekends. They also will leave the dog for more than 8 hours which I say you need to get a dog walker and unfortunately the empathy has left my kids because they were groomed this way. My son says what can I do if I'm in school all day and get home at 6:00 and leave at 7:00 am. He i's a freshman in high school. I am worried for him as his emotions are in play with his maturation process and if he uses his older sister as what a guideline as far as what was needed to succeed in high school to go on to the next level then this is going to be a hard 4 years. When I got sick, she cheated and that was the beginning of the end and my kids were hurt and I tried to stay together for them but unfortunately she could not stop in her ways. This was literally right after Sandy destroyed our home and I rebuilt it by myself with my father. After using all my resources after being in the hospital she obviously had other things on her mind and used your examples as her thought process. The doctor even said that the people that she would cheat with were of low class and of low stature which did not show much regard in what our own worth and value might have been. We cannot turn back the clock and a lot of the things you say might bode true but there are so many more things that you have omitted. Of course they want to look like the victim. They paint themselves as the one that has been abused. If I took the car away from her it was because I'm not paying for a car so she can see drive to see another man. Lol yet she would go to her friends and people in the neighborhood and say I don't have a car to drive my kids around.😅.
My dilemma is making sure that I'm there for my son although she constantly makes disparaging remarks and even though I had a stipulated in a divorce decree to not do that she literally states and is proud of saying I do what I want when I want where I want I can say whatever I want to whomever. No one tells me what to do. She won't even deny it. She is covert and blatant at the same time. A dangerous combination

[canada]

really excellent.
it would be interesting to have a video of the exact same point but with examples of what healthy parenting would look like and then how that would set a person up for healthy dynamics--like what does it look like to stand up to express one's needs rather than stuffing things to avoid rejection...to give us all an example of what healthy looks like. To understand and see how healthy parenting can be protective against future relationship abuse. Thank you!!

[RicardoMartinez-ohsq]

In the book, “Myth, mind and the screen-Understanding the heros of our time, ” by John Izod, I found this author’s Jungian analysis of ruling archetypes in human personality. So I found out that my narcissistic mother’s overly dominant personality was ruled by the virgin goddesses Athena and Artemis: she would always tell me, “Why wasn’t I born a man?” Competitive with men for power to the point of being a power-freak, and very skilled a businesswoman, my narcissistic mother just could not give me the love I needed as a boy: Only recently, and with therapeutic help, I have managed to overcome the serious attachment issues I ended up with. Even so, ever since my divorce I have not had even one relationship, and that was 20 years ago.

[stefpix]

This is sweet and short, to the point. I grew up with a father who had so many of these traits and many more. My mom left him and she died when I was 13. It took me decades to re examine my upbringing. When I did psychoanalysis and therapy years ago these aspects did not all come to the surface.

I can see that ability to set boundaries and be assertive took a long time. In some ways my childhood has made me stronger, pushing me to more extreme and challenging life choices at times. But also made me more vulnerable and less carefree.

The issue is getting over resentment. The past can not be changed. Some had it worse anyway. Some had it easier. Life is not an even playing field. The game is rigged as George Carlin used to say. We can do the better we can, try to not repeat the patterns.

These videos are so good, as they deal with the present. It seems too often people are labeled as "narcissist" when there is some falling out or incompatibility. Too many YT therapists seem to want to stir intense emotions, amplify the resentment for our parents or former partners. That anger eventually becomes another burden itself, another tie, cord to the abusers of the past

letting go the resentment and be true to who we are now in the present is the ultimate goal.
I like the clarity and practicality of these videos, no need to push the emotional buttons/

[bluedot]

This is crazy doc but I had autistic parents, I'm neurotypical, but so I learned to not embrace anything I was feeling. It wasn't with malicious intent on their part but it left a similar scar, and also ironically or not, they are oblivious narc enablers who let them in unchecked. It took me so long to realize what was going on was not ok simply because I wasn't told otherwise by my guardians, worse they'd trivialize and side with the abuse they were incapable of seeing.

[j.pfeiffer]

Agree 100% !! Greetings from Germany.