10 Signs of a Daughter with High Trait Narcissism

This video answers the questions: What are the characteristics of a daughter with high levels of trait narcissism? How does narcissism appear in a daughter from the perspective of a mother and father?

Narcissism:

There are two types of narcissism: With grandiose narcissism we see characteristics like being extroverted, socially bold, self-confident, having a superficial charm, being resistant to criticism, and being callous and unemotional. Vulnerable narcissism is characterized by shame, anger, aggression, hypersensitivity, a tendency to be introverted, defensive, avoidant, anxious, depressed, socially awkward, and shy.

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[patricestar]

Thank you for this I am in the process of letting go of my 45 year old narcissistic daughter and her abuse. She is my only child and family.
It is not easy and I am going through alot of heartache right now...

[carolcollins]

You cannot control how your narcissistic daughter behaves, but you can control your response. Thankfully! Best just not to engage with her, you cannot win!

[RecoveringPK]

Another trait is duplicity - being charming to everyone outside the home, and rude to the parent(s).

[binxwinx]

My mother was a pure narcissist and unfortunately my eldest daughter has taken after her. She has broken my heart over and over again, and uses my grandchildren as a weapon against me. I could write a book on all the things she has said and done to me over years. The hurt never seems to heal when it's your own child.

[lisaevegordon-INFP]

This is my adult daughter and it's my own fault. I over indulged her, rarely ever said no, constantly told her that she was the most beautiful, smartest and greatest girl in the world. I nursed her until she was 4 because she didn't want to transition to a bottle. I literally spoiled her rotten. I did all of these things because of my own childhood in which I was never validated, neglected and mentally and physically abused. I swore that I would do the opposite in parenting my child and I went way overboard. She is physically beautiful and flaunts herself all over social media and recently has upped the ante by claiming that she was an abused child when in fact a hand was never laid on her and she was given constant love, reassurance, support and protection from her own misdeeds. I've seen this happen with some of my friends children as well. It seems that oftentimes those children who were treated the best end up treating their parents the worst and those that weren't treated very well treat their parents quite well. I took care of both of my parents to their last breath and financially and emotionally supported them when I achieved success. It's very sad to discover that we as parents created these little monsters that treat us so terribly. It's heart wrenchingly painful. If only we'd have known that overindulging our children was as bad as abusing them. Both create narcassists. It's called spoiled rotten for a reason.

[musikrantproductions]

Me and hubby broke off our relationship with our 48 year old daughter (4) years ago. I simply got tired of being blamed, raged at, and told I'm toxic. I set boundaries for respect, civility, and dignity. She went over the line, and that was it ... she got what she wanted ... no contact. Breaks my heart, and I have a lot of anger, but the more I understand her psychological make-up, the easier it gets. Fortunately, we have a wonderful relationship with our 22 year old grandson. I think he recognizes his mom's illness, and we don't put him in the middle. We are fortunate to have him in our lives ❤.

[elizabethblane]

"How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is
To have a thankless child! "—Shakespeare

[rjbarton]

I totally agree with you. Been dealing with a narcissistic daughter for years and I had to eventually sever the relationship. Children can and do abuse parents too.

[brownin]

Don't forget, the narcissist (daughter/son) picks a target to demean, whether at home, school, or work. They are very competitive when there is no need to be. They will spread lies about the target or sabotage the target in order to discredit them and gain sympathy from the supporters so they can get what they want without having to compete fairly with the target, especially when there was an easier way for them to get what they wanted. They have a distorted view of life and their own power.

[zhmw]

My daughter is now 30 years old, she has many of these traits and I have always hope she would turn her life around. Now, I know I just have to take it one day at a time, set my own boundaries, and find my own inner peace.

[donnaeturner]

We used to call a kid who wouldn't take direction "intransigent." Part of the reason we have so many narcissistic criminals in our society is because we fudge the truth and we do not maintain high standards of behavior for everyone.

[carolking]

How right you are. We were cut off for 10 years by both our girls and then when my husband was dying they both turned up as if nothing had ever been wrong. Even just before he died my gentle husband said the ‘sharks are circling’. How sad for him to feel that. Now I am tossed aside again. It is very hurtful as we had devoted our lives to their education, music and all their needs. I’ve always blamed myself for spoiling them.

[dianironfeather]

A person who is both bi-polar and narcissistic is truly toxic. They can shred your heart to the point you feel you may bleed to death, and then in fifteen minutes are extremely angry because you're still acting hurt for "no real reason". By the same token, fifteen minutes after that they may be quite "happy" and ask a favor of you as though none of it ever happened.

[mitchell]

10 signs =
1. Needing approval - e.g. trying to impress teachers, parents, friends through achievements likes grades, good deeds
2. Won't take direction - e.g. will refuse to go to bed on time, do homework
3. Aversion to criticism - e.g. dismissing or attacking the criticiser, overreacting to criticism, unfair comparisons to others
4. Jealousy - e.g. complaining about being the 'less favoured' child (regardless if true or not)
5. Taking sides - e.g. dividing or triangulating the parents through insults
6. Overusing social media - e.g. showing off friends/likes/appearance, provocative posts
7. Insubordination at work - e.g. insulting the boss/co-workers, bemoaning her lowly (initial) position, not respecting authority
8. Appearance focused - e.g. demeaning parents' appearance, bragging about or flaunting her appearance
9. Jealousy - e.g. belief that family members are jealous of their appearance, partner, social position
10. Preoccupation with inheritance - e.g. sensitised to parents spending habits, health


Thanks for the great content, as always, Todd.

[amrasangaran]

I am 72 years old and my daughter is 45 years old now. She's my only child and was raised as if nothing else mattered in my life. She had a perfect father who would have flown to the moon and back for her. I've experienced so much trauma starting from her teenage years. Ive only recently looked uo narcissisim. At last I found an excuse for her behavior. She simply hates me and feels no sympathy whatsoever. I live alone but still take care of my 11 year old grandson after school and weekends. No thanks. I shed a lot of tears and suffered a lot of pain. I've now come to realize that she will not change but I have to for my own sanity. I chose God to be by my side. I ignore her much as possible to avoid confrontation. I watch Christian programs on TV and keep my self busy watching documentary on YouTube. I'm in a better space now. My only regret is that the person who should love me the most actually can't stand me. But with God by my side I have the whole world at my feet. He says I will never leave you nor forsake you. That's good enough for me.

[colleenhardy]

This describes my daughter to a t sadly. The pain and grief is unbearable sometimes. Thank you for validating what really happens when an adult child treats their parent like this. It’s very painful as a parent because I want the best for her but many times I am applaud at her spiteful nature. Wish there was magic solution for narcissism. 😪

[joanlynch]

Narcissists persist in their personality traits longer than others. They hate someone longer, they punish more harshly, they have higher highs and lows that are difficult to control. They are spiteful for slights that never happened or were forgotten.

[tonidoyle]

Dr. Grande, I just watched your video, and it fits my life with my daughter. My daughter basically blames me for everything bad that has happened in her life. She is 59 yrs old and most of the time, she acts like a hateful, foul-mouthed teenager. I love her, but I don't even like to be around her. You're right, I feel guilty every day because in my heart I feel like I failed her. But in my head, I know that I was a good mother. We are like night and day, and we never agree on anything. I've just recently been researching Narcissism and it describes my daughter perfectly. I don't know what to do with her. It stresses me beyond description.

[judithlewis]

I honestly don't know what to say. You have described my eldest daughter to a T and I blamed myself for years. I finally had a therapist who advised me that my life was in danger from my own grief! Thank you for the clarity you give! We have been estranged for nearly twenty years, sadly, but at least I can now breathe. I did my best, and now I can believe it with a lighter heart.

[CatLady]

You absolutely described my adult daughter & what our relationship has looked like. Finally after 39 years, of enduring this toxic relationship I have chose to cut it off & seek help to heal. I appreciate your videos as they are giving me the words to express the abuses I have endured all these years, and to not feel ashamed in telling her “enough”.
Thank you.