How to Break Up With A Dismissive Avoidant | Relationships & Dismissive Avoidant Attachment

How to Heal From a Breakup & Transform Grief

In this video, we talk about how to best approach ending your relationship with a Dismissive Avoidant in the most healthy way possible and reducing pain as much as possible.

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I’m Thais Gibson, welcome to my channel and thank you for stopping by!

This is a channel designed for you, to be used as a resource to create lasting transformation in your personal and professional life. Here you’ll receive an ongoing series of personal development and spiritual growth videos for you to expand your awareness and find resolution and deep understanding within.

Want to transform your life? If I did it, I know you can too!

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#DismissiveAvoidant #Breakup #PersonalDevelopmentSchool #ThaisGibson #PDS #AttachmentStyles #Relationships #Love #Dating

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[roshalllambert]

This is an important topic and not much covered by other youtubers!

[mathews]

If you wanna break up with a DA, just tell them you love them a few times a day and they will have zero feelings for you for the rest of your life 👍

[stevedavetas]

So it's really interesting how we have to maturely and gently break up with a DA, and give them closure so they are not traumatized, but a DA would just dump us at a drop of a pin without any closure, and then we have to go through tons of therapy and videos just so we can feel sane enough to function!?!🤔🤔🤔

[ciaobellaNY]

Anyone else feel like the DA avoids doing the breakup even though that’s what they want? Like they put it on you so it was your doing

[Nayz]

My DA partner wouldn't be able to have a conversation with this much depth and detail. He'd just walk off.

[fancymarieonstage]

I just broke up with a DA who I do love and consider to have a lot of great qualities. He softened up very briefly with me because he fell in love with me. Things seemed to be going well, mostly bc I kept myself calm and unobtrusive and not needy (typical). But the minute I started becoming vulnerable and having feelings that were uncomfortable for him, he got annoyed, started talking down to me in a very condescending way, refused to talk about things (and they were very small, simple, low-risk issues), etc etc blah blah blah all the typical DA stuff. Things were smooth but deteriorated in a matter of a 10 minute phone call where he out of the blue did the condescending/shut down thing. The minute he began to do that, I immediately hung up on him, texted him it was over, that I love him and see his good qualities, but that the way he was acting and spoke to me was unacceptable and I would be taking space and blocking him. He proceeded to call me three times In a row, then tell me he didn’t feel like hashing it out, then asked me to call him so we could argue over the phone to which I responded “no I refuse to let you draw me into an emotional state where I get hurt, angry, and cry.” He then told me he was about to get mean, to wish I told him that was fine and he should do what he had to do but I would still be blocking him, then he said “no need I won’t be reaching out.” I’m sure he’s on the surface doing all the usual DA things which is telling himself that I’m crazy and demanding and annoying and dramatic and he’s better off without me bc he’s superior to me blah blah blah. But I know that deep inside in a place he may never be able to get to, he just feels awful and lonely. And I feel for him. I gave him the opportunity to do his work and be in a loving, connected, supportive partnership by doing my part and no more. It is not my job to see him through to his healing. It is not my job to make things easier for him to hear. It is just my job to be honest about what I’m okay with and what I’m not. Honestly yall, I know this may seem like a harsh way to put it, but I know I wouldn’t be doing him any favors by just repeating the patterns he’s been living in his life:he gets to be the cool superior elusive dismissive avoidant and The woman play the role of the crazy demanding caregiver who chases him around and makes herself available to his every need. By being very clear, quickly and bluntly honest, attending to my own needs instead of his, and not feeding into his elusiveness with anxious attachment, I have perhaps given him the thing he has needed all along…boundaries.

[nahomelion]

Just tell them you love them and they’ll run away. DAs are simple creatures

[miacontouli]

The only downside of making a breakup respectful to a DA is they'll slide into your DMs every year or two. Tell you you're the one that got away, the love of their life, the biggest regret. But then stop just as suddenly and disappear again rather than put in any actual effort.

[denisereavley]

I think Thais’ videos have always been great. This video, however, had me literally saying out loud, “WTF”. Breaking up with a DA likely means you have tried ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING to make the relationship work; contorting yourself to figure out an impossible puzzle. So, to say, “You have some many wonderful qualities, I am breaking up with you to figure myself out, ” is really disheartening and de-valuing to the person who is healthy. This seems enabling and somewhat co-dependent; sacrificing your dignity even in the breakup situation. This is unfair advice to someone who has already likely sacrificed everything they believed, questioned who they were and what they stood for, and had their world turned upside down.

[CkyBby]

Nobody wants to talk about the break up part of the relationship but this is just as important as the warm/fuzzy stuff. Thank you for another spot on video, wish I had had it 20 years ago.

[Lolipop]

Is it normal that you break up with an avoidant (or rather they force you to break up) and they literally do not care? they just let you go like that? I guess that's the moment you realise you never really mattered to them ...

[romaekimberlybisnott]

Why on earth would you want to make it easier for a DA? In my experiences, DA’s have been extremely self centered all about them in the relationship. Pushing people away. And then become so cold. I find a strong correlation between DA’s and covert narcissism lacking
accountability. I wouldn’t consider them
Just like they hardly consider their partners. Just my opinion. I find them to be cruel.

[TxHoneyBee]

I broke up with my DA for the third and final time on Saturday. Every time we'd break up, he suddenly wanted to talk, be open, be vulnerable, and jump into reconciliation. He said something very horrible and crass about a group of teenage girls when we were out together. Use your imagination. I dumped him immediately. He sent me a very nasty drunken text that night. Two days later he got sober, called me, and said 'Sorry for the text, BUT I'm not sorry for anything else'. Good riddance to him. He could never apologize, and he couldn't discuss relationship problems without feeling attacked and going into denial/gaslighting/denying my reality and saying I need therapy! Lol. From now on, I simply can't be with a 'dismissive avoidant' . It is a euphemism for 'narcissist' to me.

[nohahaggag]

After 3 months of online chatting with him I found myself drained, confused, and uncared for. His most trivial, unworthy life incidents ( even the fact that he couldn't get his car washed because he went to the car wash service after working hours) mattered and he called just to bore me with all the details, but when I started to mention I have a serious or annoying problem at work he instantly tried to change the subject. His excuse was always that he wanted us to talk about something nice, peaceful and positive. Yeah, right! Because him talking about his ex's and how they cheated on him, or his cousin's legal issues, or the cold his mom has, blah blah blah were the most positive things we could ever talk about.
He was a big, fat bag of BS and drama. Reiterating how he was to me makes me feel disgusted and sorry for not blocking him earlier.

[sipto]

Is this good? Like:
1. "I need a healthy relationship to be possible"
2. "I need people that make me feel good"
3. "I don't require myself to discard myself and I am also overly needy like having these needs. I can't mind read your needs and I can't give super exact descriptions on exactly every thing I might need since there is no way for me to communicate that acceptably without certain conflict due to you seeing it as critisism and you not beeing enough, letting me know I am not enough"
3(shorter): "You are so hypocritical you should win a Darwin award"

Isn't their core wounds correct in their self assesment, they are defective, uncapable of doing relationships and seems to work harder to be unlovable then anything else.

[passivepanda]

Dismissive avoidant are not demons, but from my experience, when he broke up with me, He told me that he was bored of me, that he lied to himself and lied to me, that he was just pretending. Only after 4 months of being in couple. Needless to say, as a fearful avoidant I was baffled since my biggest fear was abandonment. But hey that's life😹😹😹

[northshorelight]

Nah. I'm not going to say anything since I've not only emotionally checked out but I have come to an acceptance that this is a mentally disturbed person. I view an avoidant as someone with an incurable disease. The videos on Youtube have really helped me break clean without pain. It's not my job to change myself and tiptoe around an avoidant in the hopes that things might work out. Screw that. I was blessed to be in a very loving relationship for the past 20 years before the avoidant came back into my life. I know what love is and this isn't it. I took a leap of faith but now I've made my decision that I don't want to step into this mess. My 20 year marriage may have ended but that does not mean I want this drama. Why would I ever put myself in this situation?

[ronjakh]

This only applies if the break up is amicable, which from what I’ve read and from personal experience, is rare with DA’s. We generally want to just cut it off like a diseased limb and be done with it. We don’t necessarily need to dance around their feelings and help them process if they have treated us as poorly as DA’s normally do when they’re bored with you 🤷‍♀️

[McKennaMarshall-nufe]

What if your breaking up with them because they weren’t vulnerable or emotionally available enough to meet my needs? I’ve expressed this need a couples times and they are unable to meet it.

[desertbluesplaylist]

Two ways to breakup with a DA: (a) open your heart and show lots of affection and they'll disappear (b) break up with them like they would breakup with you #justdumpthem Never have I experienced a worse partner, starts well and goes downhill with so much hot/cold along the way it's like being in a sauna. We make far too many allowances for DA's (unless they are willing to do the work) which many/most probably won't.