Finding Closure with A Dismissive Avoidant After Heartbreak | Dismissive Avoidant Breakup

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Transform Pain and Grief Associated with Breakups: How to Heal From a Breakup & Transform Grief

In this video, Thais Gibson addresses the topic of heartbreak and finding closure for the dismissive avoidant attachment style. Learn the three necessary steps to overcome heartbreak as Thais offers up some guidance and reassurance. For more information check out the relevant course above on how to transform pain and grief associated with breakups.

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00:00:00 - Intro
00:01:06 - The Grieving Process
00:02:39 - Step #1: Refocus Attention on Yourself
00:05:15 - Step #2: Set Strong Boundaries
00:06:23 - Step #3: Practice Self-Compassion
00:07:06 - The Deep Stuff
00:07:51 - Needs and Updating Ways to Get Them Met
00:12:18 - Traits
00:13:57 - Question Your Stories
00:15:34 - Intermittent Reinforcement
00:17:51 - 7-Day Free Trial: How To Heal From A Breakup
00:18:28 - Lifetime Promo
00:18:07 - Conclusion

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Hey there! I'm Thais Gibson, and this is the channel where I teach you how to transform your life.

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Our Youtube videos give you a glimpse into this in-depth course content. Much of what you'll learn here is based on your attachment style and how that affects the relationships you have with your family, friendships, and of course, your romantic relationships.

So what are you waiting for? This could be the start of your personal development journey. Subscribe to our channel and start watching!

#PersonalDevelopmentSchool #ThaisGibson #PDS #AttachmentStyles #DismissiveAvoidant #DismissiveAvoidantBreakup #DismissiveAvoidantCourse

[ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

What is your experience with finding closure? Let us know in the comments

[dr.florence]

To anyone here dumped by a DA: it is NOT you. They will NOT meet someone else. Maybe for a year but not forever. If forever, it's another equally avoidant person. Who would want to never know and be known by their partner?! Unless the DA does the work, they'll be stuck forever. We who are here will grow somehow or other. If you are here, you WILL be fine. 💗

[carolinelaronda]

I feel like with a DA you have plenty of time to focus on yourself bc the DA is always deactivated and finding a million things to do except you .

[jerheeberhee]

I come from a place where I’ve known my ex (DA) since we were in high school. Upon reconnecting with him years later, I am aware now that I spent much too much time seeing his potential, but not accepting that he might never WANT to be different. Stupidly enough, I thought our history of knowing each other for so long would somehow insulate me from him doing what he has always done in all other relationships; eventually bailing. I was most hurt by the fact that we never had a conversation, after our 18 years together, about what he felt about any of it, nor would he listen to my feelings about it.

He basically ghosted me. And I was left trying to make sense of things alone.

Best thing I learned was that with my personality, which (I thought) was accepting of others’ authentic selves, I assumed that by being supportive, that would make him feel secure enough to be able to be vulnerable with me and open up fully. Never dawned on me that his authentic self was him being unable to do that. We wrangled often because I felt he was deliberately shutting me out because he chose not to talk to me about things when, in fact, he was shutting me out because he was unable to open up. Being incapable of talking to someone is different than being unwilling to talk to someone. I always assumed he was unwilling.

He WAS being his authentic self. I just didn’t recognize it because being closed off and defensive isn’t something that I can relate to.😂

Lesson learned. I can’t forgive him for how he handled things and how cruel he was, but at least I understand that it wasn’t about me. I am healthier two years down the road. But, that healing took two years. Remember, get better don’t get bitter.

[howtosober]

Thank you so much for this topic. Since DAs tend to discard people the same way narcissists do, it's impossible to ever get closure with them. So we need the tools to get closure for ourselves, heal our own attachment systems, and never have to partner with DAs again (at least until they heal themselves and are no longer DAs). This channel and school is crucial to being able to end these patterns!

[mdmcpherson]

FA working through everything after I left a DA I loved deeply but knew I wasn’t going to get my needs met, ever. I needed this, thank you

[alexcosta]

From marriage and "wanting a family" to ghosting me out of the blue when I found out I was pregnant with our first child 👍 It ended just like that. As a dismissive type myself, even I find it unfathomable how someone could sink that low.

[eoKingNoodle]

FA missing my DA, though meeting him is the greatest catalyst for growth I have ever encountered, lots of future healing begun that would maybe never have been a thing had he not shown me all these core wounds I never knew I had. I bought the course but as an extreme FA I find myself avoiding the course too.. hurts so much working with the questions.

[kcluu]

I really loved her. She keeps telling me untrue things about myself or what I want.

I am writing a goodbye letter to her. Apologizing for all of the things I did do wrong to her, thanking her for the good times, and to say goodbye. Im not afraid to be vulnerable. Im afraid to be with someone like her for the rest of my life.

[alexisb.]

I made it 11 months before my DA partner left. I told him I was starting to develop real feelings for him (didn't even use the L word) and he decided to move two states away. So that was crushing.

[mattaylor]

I'm constantly amazed that even in the face of repeated pain and suffering, avoidants will NEVER accept attachment theory and the possibility of healing. They would rather normalise their pain and terrorise the openhearted.

[lifecoachsherrie]

I understand what you mean by saying when we miss someone, we don’t miss their physical form…. But I think most people would disagree. It may not be the primary thing, but a loved one’s physical presence is HUGE. Especially if it was a romantic partner. It would be great to address this aspect of grieving in the future. Thanks for all you do

[ttlill]

I am 55 years old . I never had a real loving realtionship. Did all the steps and therapy but still get toxic people in my life where I have to leave. I am so tired of doing all of these things to just be let down. My life is fine as long as I don't look for a realtionship. Life is easier to be alone. I am tired.

[mermaidtales]

Ex DA didn't really meet ANY of my needs LOL .. AP here.
Thanks Thais, again, love yr amazing content/knowledge!❤

[dannywholuv]

Ive been no contact for almost 8 months now. I was dumped like i meant absolutely nothing over trying to have a conversation about where we were at.

There has been no closure but whats helped me heal is ive wrote a list of reasons why it wouldnt have worked. Anytime i think of her i read my extensive list 📃

(ironically this is probably what the DA does automatically)

[WahkeenaSitka]

Your level of insight about the patterns of dismissive avoidants is so accurate and so spot on. Everything you say about this topic is 100% on point. Thank you. I just went through a breakup with my DA and it has been absolutely heartbreaking.

[TheWooddynamo]

I broke no contact 5 months later and she responded in a positive way. The conversations were good and I was gonna ask to go out soon. It’s been a little over a month. I just found out she’s been seeing someone. All the progress I made is for nothing starting from scratch. Don’t know why i ripped the bandaid off. She means a lot but I know she’s not the one for me. It was a short relationship but to me it was one of the happier moments in my life. She looks at my stories and interacts to them and I thought these were signs but I should have known it was too good to be true. So now I’m back to watching these videos and starting over.

[worldadventuretravel]

It's the resentment over the way he purposely blew my life up on his way out and left me to pick up the pieces out of sheer, evil vindictiveness and then skipped off into the sunset with no remorse that I need help getting closure from. He deserves to *pay* for what he did to me. Where are the consequences?!

[kristamartin]

Such a good video, thankyou! I recognise so much of what you have said, especially the end of the intermittent reinforcement. Most of my significant relationships have been with DAs and i realise i've been addicted to ups and downs of how they have responded to me. I think i am healing however because this afternoon i sent a message to a DA i had wanted a relationship with, and immediately regretted it because i felt that familiar anxious feeling spring up and i hadnt felt that for a couple of weeks. And i realised i did not like it after the peace i have finally achieved.

[Pablo-cyve]

DA broke up with me by text message sent while I was at work, 2 days after coming back from Fiji. We were moving in together in October.