The Dismissive Avoidant Breakup Boomerang Effect | Do They Want to Get Back Together?

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In this video, Thais Gibson explains what the boomerang effects is and how it applies to the dismissive avoidant following a breakup. Learn about the dynamics of the breakup process for dismissive avoidants and the timelines for possibly experiencing a boomerang effect as Thais offers up some guidance and useful tips. For more information check out the course, How to Repair Any Relationship above to get a better understanding of relationship dynamics and how to repair the important relationships in your life.

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00:00:00 - Intro
00:00:40 - What Is The Boomerang Effect and How Does It Work
00:05:36 - Step #1: Get Clear On Your Willingness To Make It Work
00:06:37 - Step #2: Discuss What Didn't Go Well The First Time Around
00:07:43 - Set Boundaries
00:09:14 - Summary
00:10:42 - 7-Day Free Trial: How To Repair Any Relationship

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[anniiKn]

So basically as soon as they’ve had enough of the “relationship life”, they begin to shut down and then abruptly abandon they're partner. Then when you come back, they expect to start over from scratch as though the previous time never existed. This is because the last time around was getting too close to a “progression stage” which they will never want to fully commit to. This way they get to benefit from the honeymoon phase again without having to address any issues. If they're partner begins to express their needs or concerns of the relationship, they will simply abandon them again. 👍Amazing form of passive abuse.

[madeleiner]

I was with a DA for 4 years. He pushed me away, and we broke up. 6 weeks later he came back full of remorse, we worked on our relationship for 4 more months, started going to therapy, happy again. In that stage, I caught him cheating on me. Never again.

[katealison]

Dismissive Avoidants are emotional manipulator and should be avoided at all costs if you want a healthy relationship in your life.

[replaygeorge]

The part I don't follow is where you have a discussion with the DA about what went wrong, boundries and such. How can you have an adult discussion like that, when they will get triggered at any sign of pointing out something that didn't work from their end, or setting boundries. The DA sets boundries and breaks them, they make the rules as they go, everything happens on their terms or else it's cold treatment, ghosting, gaslighting or some other form of silent treatment.

[howtosober]

Ooh no! Dodge that bullet at all costs. The only worthwhile thing to do if the DA wants to reunite is tell them to go heal their attachment style and come back once they're completely secure. I mean, unless you just love totally one-sided relationships. Even having boundaries and talking about what didn't work is NOT- in my experience- enough for them to change anything.

[NormanZealandMalana]

Just had my first experience with a DA, and every 4 months, she tries to break the ice, as if no stonewalling happened. Now that she's seen me train in the gym, with 2 other women, she stares us down, from across the gym. Honestly, just don't try to engage a DA, if you value your sanity, and your time, specially if you're a secure attacher. It will be very frustrating, and confusing. Even if you think you can find an angle, that you can use, to slowly start breaking down the walls, it will feel like another catalyst, that will make things worse. Just find someone else.

[louyiechen]

I will tel you whoever experience break up now you will be okay soon. Been there! I thought i cannot get through the pain and longing.. I was stuck by the memories.. It was a long journey for me (10months) to accept and let go of my man that mean the world to me.. And i am in the situation right now that i don't want him to comeback. Looking forward for my next relationship and for sure a healthy one.. Break up gives you a plenty of lessons and reflections to be secure and strong.

Pray for the Healing of everybody 🙏

[alexfinn]

I can confirm as dismissive avoidant this is 100% dead on. I unknowingly repeated this cycle so many times and took me a long time to understand what was happening.

[scarletsletter]

It’s almost exactly the 6w mark! 😂 I’m secure now but was DA for much of my life & still lean avoidant. For the 1st month or so a lot of us barely notice the breakup. It’s like being on vacation tbh. But then around 2mo or so it gets real

[OregonSingles]

5:38 I checked if he was and he wasn't 😢 He said he was open to learning about self-development but I the 3 months I allowed myself to devote on recommunication with him and he didn’t take the initiative to learn about his DA or my FA, he used seeing other women as a distancing factor between us and it worked... 😢 for ME. I'm grateful he was open to at least talking a bit, however guarded, sporadic, surface-level, silent treatments and cut off😢
I'll just be the Phantom Ex from here. Hes a special guy but not special enough to appreciate a love like mine or to share my special family.

[warmhart]

I think DAs want to stay in the honeymoon stage. Thats why many have experienced DAs leaving suddenly as the relationship progressed.
And then, they may entertain coming back after a period of time as it will feel like honeymoon stage again!

[thehapagirl]

I’ve never had anyone come back because I always make it clear that I don’t tolerate any bullshit and a lot of men are full of it.

[tzhlpfw]

Has anyone else noticed that the pros are always much more optimistic than the comments from people who have actually been in a relationship with the DA??? 🤔🤔🤔

[sally]

Thank you soo much!! I am just out of an 11 month situationship (makes sad to view it that way - but true) with a DA. It was in and out for that time and, now, I have to stand in my strength to give space which was very (and is) hard to do. This detailed advice is incredible during this time. I will help me be strong and I will listen again and follow these steps in moving forward. I feel grateful for the work that you do because it has helped me so much over the last few years! It’s a gift you have! Thank you 🙏 ❤

[hesitantpossum]

I would love for you to create another video on the topic of: Losing people as a result of becoming secure.

I have found that some friendships seem to fall away, dating changes (folks flee or don't feel attraction where they previously have), and it can lead to a very peculiar flavour of isolation. Finding compatibility with other people feels more complex now, and there is a kind of grief for those left behind.

[ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Thank you all for your support of the channel and being with us on your healing journey!

[hotpink]

I believe DAs can experience the boomerang effect in dating-stage relationships, too. I dated one briefly and they ended it quickly when a trigger came up. We still work together, though, and I always catch them staring at me. I believe they regret dumping me but won't admit it. We recently talked on the phone for hours and they've shown other subtle signs they still like me. It's so confusing.

[Theysopretty]

Learning about myself is absolutely killing my ego. I cannot live like this anymore but it all seems a little too much to even try and sort.

[designdog]

10 years! She abruptly left me four months ago. I’m still in shock. All she told me is she was bored and wanted a new relationship. How nice for me!! The crazy thing is I still miss her.