How to Heal From Abandonment Trauma

Whether it's a breakup, divorce, rejection, passive aggressive avoidance, family separation, a neglectful family member, an absent parent, a disloyal friend, or even being fired from or turned down for a job, abandonment trauma is a near universal experience that we will all go through at times in our life. Even the passing of a loved one can leave us feeling abandoned.

It's just part of the deal with living on this planet. People will be hurt, they will hurt others, they will hurt us, and we too will at times unintentionally hurt others. People in their pain are unable to be there for the people they love and care about. People unhealed can't show up for others with the kindness and compassion to help them heal. When we are suffering immensely, we pull away, we retreat, and we try to hide our pain from the world but only end up abandoning everyone we love. Unconsciously, we want to bring people down to our level, and so the cycle of pain continues.

But, we can break that cycle. We can stop spinning that wheel of pain. We can heal and heal others. We can create those spaces for our loved ones to feel secure so that no one we care about feels abandoned ever again. We can understand that when people withdrawal, it has nothing to do with us and we can remain peaceful and loving. In today's YouTube video, I talk about how to heal, how to help others, and how to stop letting other people's wounds wound you.

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[traceyomalley]

Forgiveness is the way forward thankyou Todd you always have grwat messages..blessings Namaste 🙏🏻 💚

[oldogshudnobetter]

Once again, you hit so close to home. Your wisdom shines light on all willing to listen.

[paulbolton]

All betrayal trauma institutional, family, or friends is a cut to one's very soul.
To forgive & recover & still help others with meaning makes sense. & I plan to make it happen 👍

[annekathleen]

I was abandoned by my father when I was six. He dumped me with his neighbours and I lived next door to him for 2 1/2 years until he moved half a mile away.

[julietfenner]

The more and more I understood my parents lives in all their detail and pain, I understood why they were the way they were. It took me years to let go of my feelings of abandonment. I am so much happier as I understand the flawed human description of humans.
I have experienced many close people's deaths and have found the differences that each death brings. As I continue to grow with compassion I find that the relationship I have had with a deceased close person continues to change and grow within me. So even in death there is learning to be had in the living.
Thank you Todd for your power of communication and the love you show in sharing your truth.
When one begins to grow there is no turning back. I am so pleased I pained enough to find a better way of understanding life and death which I am hurdling towards.🎉

[goodlifeD]

I love the way you say "we"🎉😢

[Celticnik]

You express yourself with so much eloquence and compassion. I'm so glad I bumped into you today, kind stranger. I look forward to your upcoming words of wisdom. Peace.

[jaygreen]

Just love listrning to any of your YouTube podcasts. At 74 yrs am very content, certainly lived life to the fullest. At 35 yrs a girlfriend left copy of the Tao on the kitchen table whilst cleaning her apt and I made tea. I casually browsed it and have never looked back. Today so grateful to have that understanding when listening to you. Thank you❤

[derrickmcwaid]

I really enjoyed this video. This was my situation a year ago after my separation. You can find strength in yourself. Even if it seems dark. The light will shine again. ❤ Thanks Todd.

[susanwood]

Thank you Todd Like an answer to prayer or even some kind of divine synchronicity - your video came up when I most needed it and imagine for countless others too. Your words are beautiful and a great comfort x

[melissatoni]

“There is an infinite wellspring of strength within each and every one of us.” ❤

Beautifully said, and as a personal practice, I find it important to always stay connected and tapped into this strength.

[flyingrhinofilms]

This struck so many chords....lovely 🙏

[melissatoni]

This is beautiful work. Your genuine heart and wisdom always shines through.

End of life realizations always help me out with this kind of big stuff, with both letting go AND pulling those meaningful people in. I wonder if anyone else has these. Tonight, I had one about my boyfriend—a mental vision of him old saying how he always knew I loved him even though I put him on the back burner. That end of life realization helped me balance back what’s most important, opening my heart a bit more toward him and the present moment.

Great points with:
1) The importance and serious care of abusive-tie let-goes
2) The importance and LOVE in allowing yourself and others the time to recharge/self-care
3) Understanding and opening within, to let go of fear, and in fact welcome (rather than resist) these natural flows

[noracoyle]

Im a catholic christian and after much suffering in life the suffering mainly of deep lonliness i turned to the scriptures, finding that Jesus is with me at all times was a great sourse of consolation, reading psalm 139 highlights how special and loved we ALL truely are.

[marypaulosky]

So beautiful and timely. We warriors of love continue to evolve toward our mission of healing the world. Todd - your voice calms and centers me. You're one of my favorite teachers.

[evieraine]

This spoke to me in ways I can not speak .I fell into a big dark whole over Xmas in complete despair in humanity . The selfishness and the self centeredness i was witnessing . Bout I reflected on my own states over the years. Now after years on the spiritual path I know i need to deepen my compassion even more. May every being have peace love and happiness including myself . I have been so abandoned in life but I can still love and forgive. Thank you from my heart for this video that i am watching on my retreat with my dog from the world

[sidoughty]

Much Love to you also. And Peace Love and thanks for your kind words and encouragement.

[SeattleGirlMakesGood]

Breaking these cycles by beginning the honest healing within ourselves. I especially love this talk. It's more like prayer, a mantra.
It's a wonderful idea for this New Year. Thank-you ❤

[lisettemarie]

I really am happy &grateful that I have found you. So grateful... my first comment ever... couldn't find the location bf . So glad that I did bc you deserve to be reminded of how much your words can transform people. Thank you! ❤

[LinziBowman-jm]

So glad I found you on you tube Todd you have been a gt comfort to me, as my partner bwants to end our relationship and its breaking my heart
Sometimes I feel strong but mostly not
Anyway I fly out next week so that will be the last time I see him I will keep watching and listening and try and move on
Thank you Todd everything you say makes sense ❤