How to Heal Attachment Trauma - It Depends

Hello. Thanks for checking out my YouTube channel.

In my videos, I like to talk about Psychology, Healing Attachment Trauma, Relationship Repair, Inner Child Self-Re-Parenting, Love Addiction, Codependency, Grieving Break Ups, Family Programming, Fantasy Relationships, The Romantic Narrative, Primal Panic, Trauma Bonding, Double-Binds, Attachment Styles, Couples Counseling, Better Boundaries, Shame and Self-love, CPTSD Breakthroughs, Emotional Availability, and Body-Focused Psychotherapy for Healing Trauma..

☑️ Heal Your Relationships = #relationships
☑️ Trust Your Intuition = #selfcare
☑️ Repair w/ Counseling = #psychology

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Alan Robarge, LPC, Licensed Professional Counselor,
Attachment-Focused, Trauma-Informed,
Psychotherapist and Relationship Educator

Emotional Connections Matter!

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How to Heal Attachment Trauma - It Depends

In this video, I talk about "How do we heal?" This is a conversation on maturing and how to mature. There is no quick-fix recipe. The question becomes about giving ourselves the attention, time, and nurturing we need for ourselves to grow.

Questions to answer in the comments section:
What is one thing you learned from listening to this video?
What is one takeaway you can apply to your personal healing process?

Remember to leave a comment. What is your takeaway from this video?

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☑️ Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz:

☑️ Learn about Improve Your Relationships Community:

☑️ Learn about Grieving and Pet Loss Course: Coming Soon

☑️ Learn about Healing Heartbreak Course: Coming Soon

☑️ Learn about my new book: Coming Soon

☑️ Follow me on Instagram:
@alan_robarge_psychotherapist

☑️ Check out my website:

☑️ Want to learn more about relationships? Then, sign up for the Everyday Relating Questionnaire.

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How to Heal Attachment Trauma - It Depends

[AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Hello Subscribers:

Thank you for checking out my videos and posting such thoughtful comments. It's inspiring to read your self-reflections and insights. I love how we grow from each other's sharing.

One thing I have learned after years of reading comments is that we are not alone. Many of us have the same experiences when it comes to relationships. We are all trying to make sense of attachment trauma and learn better skills of relating.

Great job everyone - keep going and keep learning!

As I'm sure you can understand, I'm not able to respond to all the comments and questions here on YouTube. I know this can be disappointing sometimes. Please forgive me. It is challenging to find the time for the careful consideration that is needed in order to respond to your heartfelt reflections. Even so, your vulnerability shines through.

I know behind each comment is a real person with real feelings who's hurting or who’s reporting a triumph. I know you are doing the best you can while trying to make sense of life’s suffering. We are all grappling with what it means to be human. I’m sorry that I’m not always able to respond to your comments directly.

That being said, I'm sharing this post to offer you a few resources in an attempt for us to stay connected. Keep in mind that I do read most comments here on YouTube. Your words are received. I review comments daily, which serves as a way to organize content for future videos.


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Many of us want to know how to heal, how to change, how to be more secure in our relationships. This is why I created the course The Four Attachment Distress Responses.

Many of our behaviors in relationships are habitual - meaning we act out of autopilot. Our autopilot Response comes from past conditioning of negative experiences. When attachment injuries go unaddressed, we become insecure in our relationships.

The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course describes each specific type of guardedness, which is how we try to protect ourselves from getting hurt again, while also attempting to get our attachment needs met.

While we cannot change the past, we can change how we respond in the moment and in the future. This course offers you insights and tools as new ways to respond in your relationships. The Four Responses are Poking, Running, Hiding, and Submitting. You’re invited to take the quiz to learn more about your Response.


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I created an 8-week program and membership community based on the guiding principle of Self-Directed Healing Work #selfhealers that I want to share with you. The community is called Improve Your Relationships. The focus is about healing attachment injuries in the context of relationship repair in all areas of our lives.

When we look at the big picture of how attachment injuries and attachment trauma occurred in our lives, we are able to begin seeing our relationship choices from a whole new perspective. We gain access to inner resources that shift how we relate and respond to old hurts. It's a process. It's layered. It requires commitment. This is what the community is all about - committing to your healing work.

You are invited to join us. The community members are kind and supportive. We are an established group. The feedback and testimonials have been overwhelmingly positive.


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Also, in addition to checking out my course and/or joining us in the Community, please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a financial contribution.


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Thank you for being a channel subscriber and watching my videos.

And remember, we invest in our healing work because “Emotional Connections Matter!”

Best regards,


Alan Robarge
Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist

[Maijamaijamaijamaija]

I cant believe we get all this information for free.
Thank you Alan

[ctwofirst]

There's no need to apologize for the length of the video, Alan. The fact that it's available in video format means that we can watch it over and over, and in small digestible bits. It's good that you've put all this information in one place.

[Sacredclowns]

You are an earth angel. To be so selfless and to give so freely your authentic desire to help those suffering is beyond appreciated. In just one week of rewriting my story, your videos have propelled into a new dimension of understanding. So much love and gratitude to you and for the guidance you give.

[johnfogarty]

Absolutely the best on YouTube hands down undisputed heavy weight king of trauma videos 👑

[sallyjrwjrw]

16:00 13 things healing depends on
39:00 How to heal
47:15 Book recommendations

[Lisarata]

I think I'm healing by talking to a therapist who is helping me to quit putting others at the center of my existence and center myself. I'm doing conscious contact and weaning myself away by exercising my muscle of focusing on here, now, and being glad for what I have.

[aminozuur]

I have attachment issues, and every time I fall in love, I experience a huge trauma. Even if the girl loves me back, I always love her so much more that it is creepy and weird. I hate this.

[tashilongthorp]

Alan, what your are sharing in these videos offers a lifeline to people, like me, who feel they are drowning in solitude and sadness. "May all beings be free from suffering and the causes of suffering." (Buddhist teaching) May your life be blessed, Alan, as your life blesses others.

[sz]

After giving my heart and soul to a man for five years, he literally left me. Gave me so many reasons why, i'm sitting here in pain, i can't move, eat, breath. The person that i thought was my best friend, is now my worst enemy. I've got to learn to breath, and detach and heal. this is the hardest thing i have ever experienced.

[petestevens]

He’s exactly right: It’s about ‘becoming’ a whole person, having missed primary attachment, basic needs, developmental platforms and so on.

This is my experience and, as an adult, having to work to develop an emotional and psychological structure which lay fallow due to early neglect.

[caleuxx]

Awesome. I am now going to my 5th therapist. None of them explained this to me. I think this helps me understand, why I get some of my emotions.

[Suedetussy]

1 hour and not one boring minute.
I am very thankful for this. Complex thoughts can‘t be compressed in 20 min. Still, you delivered the complex information in an easily understandable way.

[Trailblazers]

I’ve been surrounded by toxic people my entire life. I cannot wait to start my new life without them.
I’m really proud of myself because I’ve figure a lot of this out on my own, that is being presented. It also leaves me with the understanding that change is a choice. I chose to seek information to improve and those who came before me had the same opportunity. I will not make excuses for anyone.

[claudelebel]

30 years ago, I saw a therapist thinking that a few sessions would do it and that I could move on to the next girlfriend.

The joke was on me

in the end, you find out that no relationship can give it to you if you haven't found it in yourself. At best, the relationship acts as a mirror for your unfinished business and hidden beliefs.

I Am, prior to all qualifications which are merely judgments or points of view.

[minsetthein]

I'm really glad that i found this video. i want to say thank you very much for making this video. It took me 6/7 years to realise I have attachment trauma. I've been living without my family since i was 15. All this years, I thought I am an independent person and I've been doing fine without love of my family. In past, I've projected my issues to my ex gfs, partners. This video made me realise I need to work on myself a lot more. Thank you.

[tiffanywatson]

I have dealt with this trauma so long that my immune system have been compromised and i am now 35 and on dialysis. So im grateful for this channel

[grigorasilinca]

I think this is the most down to earth, human channel of psychotherapy I found on youtube until now. I watched a lot of videos regarding the same topics on various channels and I can honestly say most of them did more harm than good for me. This one it's literally giving perspective and useful, applicable advice. The inner child talk video really calmed down a lot of my anxiety. Thank you so much for the help!

[scottpiccoli]

I'm 49 years old... And the ending to this video has me in tears... I've keep myself so isolated for so long.

[claudelebel]

You start by being willing to sit with the pain and feel it, then doing what has to be done if anything, and being true as best you can.