Attachment Trauma and Preoccupied, Anxious, Obsessive Thinking

Hello. Thanks for checking out my YouTube channel.

In my videos, I like to talk about Psychology, Healing Attachment Trauma, Relationship Repair, Inner Child Self-Re-Parenting, Love Addiction, Codependency, Grieving Break Ups, Family Programming, Fantasy Relationships, The Romantic Narrative, Primal Panic, Trauma Bonding, Double-Binds, Attachment Styles, Couples Counseling, Better Boundaries, Shame and Self-love, CPTSD Breakthroughs, Emotional Availability, and Body-Focused Psychotherapy for Healing Trauma..

☑️ Heal Your Relationships = #relationships
☑️ Trust Your Intuition = #selfcare
☑️ Repair w/ Counseling = #psychology

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Alan Robarge, LPC, Licensed Professional Counselor,
Attachment-Focused, Trauma-Informed,
Psychotherapist and Relationship Educator

Emotional Connections Matter!

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Attachment Trauma and Preoccupied, Anxious, Obsessive Thinking

In this video, I talk about the incessant mind chatter associated with preoccupied, anxious, insecure attachment. It is a response to being separated from a loved one, either perceived or real.

Questions to answer in the comments section:
What is one thing you learned from listening to this video?
What is one takeaway you can apply to your personal healing process?

Remember to leave a comment. What is your takeaway from this video?

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☑️ Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz:

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Attachment Trauma and Preoccupied, Anxious, Obsessive Thinking

[AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Hello Subscribers:

Thank you for checking out my videos and posting such thoughtful comments. It's inspiring to read your self-reflections and insights. I love how we grow from each other's sharing.

One thing I have learned after years of reading comments is that we are not alone. Many of us have the same experiences when it comes to relationships. We are all trying to make sense of attachment trauma and learn better skills of relating.

Great job everyone - keep going and keep learning!

As I'm sure you can understand, I'm not able to respond to all the comments and questions here on YouTube. I know this can be disappointing sometimes. Please forgive me. It is challenging to find the time for the careful consideration that is needed in order to respond to your heartfelt reflections. Even so, your vulnerability shines through.

I know behind each comment is a real person with real feelings who's hurting or who’s reporting a triumph. I know you are doing the best you can while trying to make sense of life’s suffering. We are all grappling with what it means to be human. I’m sorry that I’m not always able to respond to your comments directly.

That being said, I'm sharing this post to offer you a few resources in an attempt for us to stay connected. Keep in mind that I do read most comments here on YouTube. Your words are received. I review comments daily, which serves as a way to organize content for future videos.


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Many of us want to know how to heal, how to change, how to be more secure in our relationships. This is why I created the course The Four Attachment Distress Responses.

Many of our behaviors in relationships are habitual - meaning we act out of autopilot. Our autopilot Response comes from past conditioning of negative experiences. When attachment injuries go unaddressed, we become insecure in our relationships.

The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course describes each specific type of guardedness, which is how we try to protect ourselves from getting hurt again, while also attempting to get our attachment needs met.

While we cannot change the past, we can change how we respond in the moment and in the future. This course offers you insights and tools as new ways to respond in your relationships. The Four Responses are Poking, Running, Hiding, and Submitting. You’re invited to take the quiz to learn more about your Response.


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I created an 8-week program and membership community based on the guiding principle of Self-Directed Healing Work #selfhealers that I want to share with you. The community is called Improve Your Relationships. The focus is about healing attachment injuries in the context of relationship repair in all areas of our lives.

When we look at the big picture of how attachment injuries and attachment trauma occurred in our lives, we are able to begin seeing our relationship choices from a whole new perspective. We gain access to inner resources that shift how we relate and respond to old hurts. It's a process. It's layered. It requires commitment. This is what the community is all about - committing to your healing work.

You are invited to join us. The community members are kind and supportive. We are an established group. The feedback and testimonials have been overwhelmingly positive.


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Also, in addition to checking out my course and/or joining us in the Community, please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a financial contribution.


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Thank you for being a channel subscriber and watching my videos.

And remember, we invest in our healing work because “Emotional Connections Matter!”

Best regards,


Alan Robarge
Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist

[suzannemckeag]

THIS. It’s so exhausting and disturbing. It’s like being haunted by a ghost non-stop. It makes me feel like I’m losing my mind. Most people can’t understand which is so isolating. I need it to stop.

[IsiLipsch]

Finally someone who is not romanticizing nor dismissing or necessarily pathologizing those symptoms. There is absolutely nothing romantic about feeling like this about someone. It’s not beautiful and it’s not love. It’s trauma reactivation, nothing more nothing less. I’m so grateful somebody is finally dissecting it into what it really is and pointing a path out. I am genuinely grateful for this.

[whiterobin]

Thank you for this video. I never knew I was anxious until I was with an avoidant, then it REALLY came out.

[danielc]

Preoccupied, anxious, and obsessive thinking is what I deal with all of the time. I impacts my job performance and how I relate to people who don't know me inimately.

[abigail]

Thank you. I'm not crazy. Thank you. I'm not alone.

[iwatchvideos]

I never understood why people turned to alcohol or drugs until going through a breakup, with an attachment injury. It's been a year and a half, and I recently found out he has a new serious girlfriend and I'm in so much pain I think I might die. Would do just about anything at this point to calm down and take it easy and stop the obsessing

[BGivka]

I am in tears, because I've never had my nightmare experience described so well.
I cannot express how this feels.

[Tutume]

I'm 35. I was involved with the guy for 2 months o ly but got very attached to him and put lots of hopes into him. He had smashed and dashed. Now 6 months later I still try to recover from it.

[HisaLightmypath]

I wish I knew about Alan Robarge a few months ago when i felt like I was dying over my on and of ex. that was before I knew I had attachment truma. I went through hell and was suicidal over my year and a half on and off relationship. I knew he was bad for me but couldn't leave. until I recently relised that I have attachment trauma from being abused, neglected and abandoned as a child.
then I removed the placeholder which was Him. All my pain was my inner child. After I relised this.
I no longer desired or wanted him. my logical mind alway told me to get away from him. He was a lier, manipulater, and he was using me.

[Mandy]

Yes, it's a nightmare, even bad thoughts about the relationship feel like dying

[evelynavanti]

Yes, it is perceived as a life or death situation. The body is on fire. The brain is on overload. The mind is freaking out, going haywire. Exhaustion. Urgency. No break from the intensity. You really put words to the experience.

[adiroots]

For years I slept horrible. Sometimes it would take me 2-3 hours just laying there before I fall asleep and for years on average would get about 4 hours sleep. Its so hard to turn the thinking off. Thank goodness, I have finally made some improvements and I am sleeping better.

[bellakrinkle]

I experienced these feelings of longing and obsessing for YEARS...very painful. I finally came to realize that I was reliving my childhood years in a new adult version. Once I connected to my past. ..I lost my longing and obsessing, I now am able to use all that angst on fulfilling new intellectual interests.

I do hope my fantasy boyfriend can overcome his obsessive thoughts or begin obsessing over some other person...I do wish the best for him, regardless.

[rachealmullaly]

I wish I had come across your videos years ago. The last time I went through it, it lasted for nearly 2.5 years. Exhausting is an understatement. I am once again caught in the grips of this obsessive mind control. No one seems to understand so I actually cried watching your videos as I almost feel you are talking directly to me. Thank you so much for making me finally aware of what this is and that I am not crazy like I have been labelled by my ex partners, family and friends.

[realtormaritza]

I like the remark “compasión”… i think we should start we having compassion with ourself and understand that we are not crazy but learn to love ourself and heal our traumas.

[mrfarax]

Omg no one has described my inner turmoil like you did

[marianad]

I can’t believe. This is 100% what I experience in my relationship. It’s been some time I’ve been starting to work on myself and on my anxiety but it is mostly related to my attachment style. This video is extremely helpful, thanks for sharing!

[frandavis]

Yes, yes & yes!! You pinpointed it once again, Alan. Thank you! You are a great psychotherapist & a beautiful human being.

[evieferbin]

OMG!!! Not enough words to describe how much this is needed and appreciated. Bless you