Developmental, Emotional Attachment Trauma / How to Heal

Hello. Thanks for checking out my YouTube channel.

In my videos, I like to talk about Psychology, Healing Attachment Trauma, Relationship Repair, Inner Child Self-Re-Parenting, Love Addiction, Codependency, Grieving Break Ups, Family Programming, Fantasy Relationships, The Romantic Narrative, Primal Panic, Trauma Bonding, Double-Binds, Attachment Styles, Couples Counseling, Better Boundaries, Shame and Self-love, CPTSD Breakthroughs, Emotional Availability, and Body-Focused Psychotherapy for Healing Trauma..

☑️ Heal Your Relationships = #relationships
☑️ Trust Your Intuition = #selfcare
☑️ Repair w/ Counseling = #psychology

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Alan Robarge, LPC, Licensed Professional Counselor,
Attachment-Focused, Trauma-Informed,
Psychotherapist and Relationship Educator

Emotional Connections Matter!

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Developmental, Emotional Attachment Trauma / How to Heal / Alan Robarge

In this video, I talk about Developmental, Emotional Attachment Trauma and how it impacts our relationships.

Questions for You:
What is one thing you learned by watching this video?
What is one takeaway?

Remember to leave a comment. What is your takeaway from this video?

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☑️ Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz:

☑️ Learn about Improve Your Relationships Community:

☑️ Learn about Grieving and Pet Loss Course: Coming Soon

☑️ Learn about Healing Heartbreak Course: Coming Soon

☑️ Learn about my new book: Coming Soon

☑️ Follow me on Instagram:
@alan_robarge_psychotherapist

☑️ Check out my website:

☑️ Want to learn more about relationships? Then, sign up for the Everyday Relating Questionnaire.

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Developmental, Emotional Attachment Trauma / How to Heal / Alan Robarge

[AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Hello Subscribers:

Thank you for checking out my videos and posting such thoughtful comments. It's inspiring to read your self-reflections and insights. I love how we grow from each other's sharing.

One thing I have learned after years of reading comments is that we are not alone. Many of us have the same experiences when it comes to relationships. We are all trying to make sense of attachment trauma and learn better skills of relating.

Great job everyone - keep going and keep learning!

As I'm sure you can understand, I'm not able to respond to all the comments and questions here on YouTube. I know this can be disappointing sometimes. Please forgive me. It is challenging to find the time for the careful consideration that is needed in order to respond to your heartfelt reflections. Even so, your vulnerability shines through.

I know behind each comment is a real person with real feelings who's hurting or who’s reporting a triumph. I know you are doing the best you can while trying to make sense of life’s suffering. We are all grappling with what it means to be human. I’m sorry that I’m not always able to respond to your comments directly.

That being said, I'm sharing this post to offer you a few resources in an attempt for us to stay connected. Keep in mind that I do read most comments here on YouTube. Your words are received. I review comments daily, which serves as a way to organize content for future videos.




Many of us want to know how to heal, how to change, how to be more secure in our relationships. This is why I created the course The Four Attachment Distress Responses.

Many of our behaviors in relationships are habitual - meaning we act out of autopilot. Our autopilot Response comes from past conditioning of negative experiences. When attachment injuries go unaddressed, we become insecure in our relationships.

The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course describes each specific type of guardedness, which is how we try to protect ourselves from getting hurt again, while also attempting to get our attachment needs met.

While we cannot change the past, we can change how we respond in the moment and in the future. This course offers you insights and tools as new ways to respond in your relationships. The Four Responses are Poking, Running, Hiding, and Submitting. You’re invited to take the quiz to learn more about your Response.




I created an 8-week program and membership community based on the guiding principle of Self-Directed Healing Work #selfhealers that I want to share with you. The community is called Improve Your Relationships. The focus is about healing attachment injuries in the context of relationship repair in all areas of our lives.

When we look at the big picture of how attachment injuries and attachment trauma occurred in our lives, we are able to begin seeing our relationship choices from a whole new perspective. We gain access to inner resources that shift how we relate and respond to old hurts. It's a process. It's layered. It requires commitment. This is what the community is all about - committing to your healing work.

You are invited to join us. The community members are kind and supportive. We are an established group. The feedback and testimonials have been overwhelmingly positive.




Also, in addition to checking out my course and/or joining us in the Community, please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a financial contribution.




Thank you for being a channel subscriber and watching my videos.

And remember, we invest in our healing work because “Emotional Connections Matter!”

Best regards,


Alan Robarge
Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist

[dotdashdotdash]

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a therapist who broke it down so succinctly and precisely as Alan does.

[HisaLightmypath]

It's ever so painful. The waiting, the rejection. And the primal panicking.
From extreme high. To crashing low

[iguana]

Wish I'd found your channel sooner. It feels like finally someone understands and can articulate everything I've gone through without having ever met me. Honestly mind blown. More people need to know that access to this sort of information exists.

[INTOTHEPIT]

What baffles me, is how long the pain lasts. Since my separation in December 2019, the maelstorm of fear, loss, anxiety persists to this day. I haven't woken up once without immediately thinking of her. And despite all she has done to me ... the rejection, the lies, the manipulation ... I cannot stop thinking and ruminating about her, us and what was. I feel it shifting from feelings of intense hatred to deep longing ... feelings of " perhaps she will come back" to "may she suffer as I did". It seems as if my entire world just rotates around all these feelings. And no matter how many new positive developments come about in my life ... they are soon overshadowed by remembrances of her. Sadness prevails. I have tried therapy, distracting myself, I have even met someone new ... and now I find myself comparing... The split up has also left my libido in a doldrum for months on end. I often wonder what it will take to become my own self again. People say, time heals all wounds. Then why does this one feels like multiple stabs to the coronary?

[carmiezaya]

I can’t believe we have access to your videos for free. As a college student with no access to therapy, I can’t tell you how grateful I am for you taking the time to record these videos. I was assaulted during my time at University. I was wondering if you could touch on how to become intimate with other people again. I no longer feel any strong hate towards the person who did the action to me. Thanks to the virus, I’ve had a lot of time to heal and find forgiveness. But I can’t seem to heal the sexual trauma. Literally thinking about performing sexual acts again makes me want to scream and run away. I have found someone who’s willing to be patient with me until I figure it out again. I love them but I’m still too scared about what might happen. To top it all off to, I do have insecurities and performance anxiety since before hand. I would love a video on topics like this if you have time in the future!

[alexiab]

Alan, so glad to see you back. Thanks so much for what you do

[LMCEK]

I had anxious attachment from childhood experiences. Now I have anxious-avoidant attachment from an abusive traumatic love relationship. It is a lot 💔

[janjoy]

Alan, thank you for taking the time to bless so many facing challenges in this area. Your content of great value and makes a significant impact in the lives of many!

[rebeccajones]

I neglected so many red flags until I just said ENOUGH! No more crappy treatment. I am calm but sad too. I was an anxious wreck when with him. Thank goodness I found you Dr. Robarge.

[fairythegreenone]

This is invaluable information. Thank you, Alan for your genuine compassion and hopeful words.

[BeMore]

i never realized how much unconsciously i did not expect friendships or any relationship to last, and i'm so better now and have more of an ability that there some people who want and capable of long time friendships.... thank you.

[Demebeso]

At a loss for words.. outstanding video.. I am not the same

[thandekajwara]

This really has me in tears because it’s so true😭😭😭

[michellechristina]

Hi Alan, I have to say I am really loving to see that your releasing new videos. I am very grateful for all that you do and have learnt so much through your videos. You’re doing great things, thank you so much. 💛 xo

[rhythms]

I’ve been to therapy, I’ve been reading books, I’ve been looking for articles that would help me understand: 1. What happened to me, 2. How is my condition now and how my childhood has been affecting me, 3. How to heal / change. I’ve not watch/heard another video/book like yours. Your presentation of the issue is the most complete and easiest to understand. As I listen I can understand the cause-effect, I can see it as you speak. What I love the most is that you don’t hold back and this actually helps. I’ve paid a lot for books a d therapy, they helped but yours on another level. Many thanks!

[Paarthurnaxdova]

I believe understanding the attachment styles is the very foundation to all human life and is critical for happiness. Since it is so diverse and complicated, I would make a separate video talking about each of the four styles, what they are, how they came to be, and how to begin healing them specifically to that style. Thank you for everything you do! It was you, that helped me leave a very toxic relationship.

[Jackiesaurvideos]

When we heal ourselves, we also heal the world! 🌍❤️

[LoreMIpsum-vsdx]

This is really exciting. I can't wait for more. This is so relevant. Thank you Alan!

[lisal]

Wow! Never heard a stranger talk about my childhood in such precise terms! Haha all jokes aside, DAMN I had a traumatizing childhood! Can I ever be normal or break through this?!!