5 Signs It's NOT Family Love, It's 'Pseudomutuality'

Pseudomutuality is often seen in narcissistic family units and narcissistic relationships. Pseudomutuality disguises itself as real love, but it's a façade masking deeper issues of control and manipulation. If you suspect you're caught in this web, stay tuned as we uncover the five critical signs that differentiate genuine love from this deceptive dynamic.

Understanding these signs is crucial for anyone trapped in a narcissistic family unit, narcissistic relationship, or trauma bond. It's time to break the silence and seek the genuine love and support you deserve.

#npd #narcissist

Writer: Dylan Swanepoel
Script Editor & Manager: Kelly Soong
Animator: FLEURI (new animator)
YouTube Manager: Cindy Cheong

References:

Leggio, J. N. (2018). Mental health outcomes for adult children of narcissistic parents. Adler School of Professional Psychology.
Rappoport, A. (2005). Co-narcissism: How we accommodate to narcissistic parents. The Therapist, 1, 1-8
Lyons, M., Brewer, G., Hartley, A. M., & Blinkhorn, V. (2023). “Never Learned to Love Properly”: A Qualitative Study Exploring Romantic Relationship Experiences in Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents. Social Sciences, 12(3), 159.

[Psychgo]

What are your thoughts on this topic? Did you learn something new today?

[ellie_cr]

TIL I grew up with pseudomutuality. It makes sense now that when I stopped contacting my parents, I got to figure out myself, and it really did feel cathartic. I had to do that a couple of times in my life to stop feeling like a trapped puppet and make a future I wanted to have. ❤ there's hope in my life now & I've got amazing people to support me. I hope everyone who reads this, I wish them, hope, love, and control of their future ❤ you got this

[brain_respect_and_freedom]

Thank you. I've learned a new definition: PSEUDOMUTALITY a relationship between two persons in which conflict of views or opinions is solved by simply ignoring it

[Ru.]

This topic hit hard. It's not great to deal with a dysfunctional toxic family. I came to terms that someone has to play the villain in the society. 😂

[Aan]

Timestamps
1). What is pseudomutuality 0:40
2). Rigid rules 1:39
3). You are depersonalised 2:27
4). String attached 3:02
5). Adult relationships mirror your family dynamic 4:06

Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. Sorry this is so late. 💙💙💙💙💙💙

[fctjlfm]

My remaining family loves to tell me about family events after they have happened, or posting pictures of them all together having fun, smiling with me being given no invitation or opportunity to say no thank you. They know i struggle a lot with extreme anxiety, so anytime I ask if i can come visit, they say sure, but then proceed to tell me how many people will be there and never offer a chance to visit when it isn't so busy. My parents died when I was young and the only brother who cared or was close to me died and I'm left with the ones who take pleasure in my suffering, but act as though they care by saying nice things without actually doing anything.

[Redheadbelle]

This is how I was raised. To heal, it’s crucial cutting all toxic ties, doing therapy, and choosing a loving & supportive environment.
To break the pattern, we have to cut off the past and choose to heal and pursue healthy relationships.
Thank you for educating & raising awareness! ❤

[arikiri_]

I didn't realize there was a word for this. Thank you.

[Koko-puffles]

Normally these sort of videos are things I sorta relate to but this hit WAY too close to home for me. All my life, I've never pursued anything I wanted to do. I did every single sports activity my parents wanted, and even began pursuing a career my dad wanted for me. I grew up without any actual dreams and aspirations. And it was only until fairly recently I realised how screwed up my home life has been and still is. It sucks because all these points apply to me, and I hate it. But I do feel seen.

[krittikaghosh]

In my household, my parents would always praise me when I do whatever they tell me. Expressing my views which are different from theirs always ends up in an outburst and some necessity of mine being taken away because I'm "falling out of their hands".
I also probably struggle with adhd, my behaviour is very similar to some of my friends who have it diagnosed, and I'm so easily distracted by many things, in the end up procrastinating ☹️. My parents have cut off my internet supply countless times because to them thats the reason for my distraction. It feels so awful sometimes because I'm not an adult yet (17+, will be 18 by the end of this year), so I can't decide most things in my life by myself, especially because my parents are so uncooperative ☹️.
Im thinking of getting an adhd test though, maybe if im diagnosed they'd try to cooperate

[LadyGoddessSephiroth]

I disagree that parents like this don't do it on purpose. They know exactly what they're doing. This is a form of abuse and we need to stop saying abusers' actions aren't on purpose, it's bc [insert reason here]. Yes they are. Hold them accountable. Esp narcissistic people. Every move they make is calculated to make you suffer the maximum amount possible and keep you in line, keep you scared and terrified of "disobeying" them.

[suichan_itsumokawaii]

they hurt you, then they gaslight you and say they never did the things they did

ouch

[jasonhernandez]

For people of faith, these things can spill over into their views of the Divine as well. "Mold me and make me after Thy will, while I am waiting yielded and still" -- these are the words of a hymn, but they can also describe the acceptance of pseudomutuality.

[MorgueInTheVoid]

It helps to disconnect from family like that unless you seek support from the person who mirrors your family dynamic. Then you're stuck flipping both sides of a bad coin.

[CassidyCadia]

Your channel is so helpful! Thank You Psych2go!

[sumwun]

This video describes my family situation oddly well...

[benjaminedwards]

This girl has so much wisdom and self confidence. Aight I'll just say it.

I wanna get to know you and discover the encyclopedia of your first chapter, .just to discover each chapter of your personality has its own encyclopedia.

[Absolhunter]

This video is very informative and i learned something about this!
Thanks

[yessir]

I feel like there’s a lot of parallels in relationships, having to fake a personality for your partner

[lias]

I did learn something. It helps to know that this completely answers everything that's been happening for some years now. I haven't found a way to heal and it's ruining my relationship with my partner. Where do I find help?