5 Signs It's Gaslighting, Not a Disagreement

Are you being gaslighted without even knowing it? Educating yourself on the signs of gaslighting can help you maintain a protective boundary against those who may try to take advantage of you in this way. Identifying their ill-intent can help you minimize a gaslighter’s attempts to control you through stirring mistrust in yourself.

Disclaimer: This video is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for professional advice. This video is not made to attack anyone who may display these traits. While not every gaslighter has as insidious of schemes as the antagonist in the play, the effects of their exploitations remain detrimental to the mental and emotional health of those they are gaslighting.

Writer: Cindy Nguyen
Script Editor: Vanessa Tao
Script Manager: Kelly Soong
Animator: Lesly
YouTube Manager: Cindy Cheong

References:

[ComicalRealm]

"Best advice my therapist ever gave me: Just because you love someone does not mean they have earned your vulnerability" - Courage the Cowardly Dog

[drumdadsdl]

I told someone I loved dearly how their behavior was hurting me..they responded immediately by calling me "rude".."thin-skinned".."full of drama." Not a moment of accountability or validation of my feelings. If you tell someone they've hurt you, they don't get to decide they didn't.

[errielle_et]

This sucks when you’re a overthinker cause you really question yourself

[ChocoParfaitFra]

My ex was like this
To everyone watching this: you shouldn’t stay in a relationship with people like this because they destroy you from inside

[pranalihabib]

1. They invalidate your feeling (0:36)
2. They make your question yourself and your sanity (1:26)
3. They intend to make you feel small (2:16)
4. They don’t take responsibility for their words and actions (3:00)
5. You feel anxious about interacting with them (3:49)

[sixevensage]

My wife is a victim of gaslighting.. It has gone for so long and gotten so bad. In particular the gas lighter is her Mom and Sister. They both invalidate her feelings and capabilities in an instant. It is beyond devastating to see my wife try and defend herself. I tell her we need to cut all communication from them. But the damage is done and now we just need to avoid them. It is terribly sad. I pray my wife can realize and gain her self respect back.

[escherichanja]

The difference between disagreement and manipulation is that if it´s just about different options, than there is room to interact and not the fact that you have to fight, to tell your story.

[brooklynnchick]

My family - of - birth was 4 kids and 2 parents; it wasn’t until I was in my 30’s that I heard about gas lighting and other forms of emotional manipulation/abuse. I sat across from a therapist for two hours explaining an argument my father and I had been in. I explained that I needed to be more grateful, a better communicator, less selfish, more understanding, and let go of the idea that people should put family ahead of work because “that isn’t how it works in the real world.” All my father’s helpful tips for my improvement and why I’d never measure up to my sister.

I had suicidal ideations after this fight. My therapist hadn’t said a single word in those first two hours and she was quiet a long time when I said, “You haven’t said anything but you’re writing like mad. You have to say something. Do you think you can help me change?”

When she spoke, she said, “It is a miracle that you are alive, most people commit suicide before the abuse gets this bad. You communicate very well, I just can’t believe that you think there is any resemblance between the person you’ve been taught to believe is you, and the you that I see and hear in here now. It’s really amazing you’ve survived all you have.”

The healing began with learning about gaslighting and how to recognize and confront it. Eventually (1-2 years) I realized that my family-of-origin wasn’t interested in getting counseling, trying better communication skills, or spending time processing our argument. My husband and I made the decision to go no contact with everyone except my youngest brother.
I continue to mourn for the life we could have had, but it has been nearly five years since I’ve seen or heard from them. initially I was devastated, then angry, my favorite stage of healing is acceptance.

[escherichanja]

If only one person has the right to tell their story and the other has to listen, you know you are in danger to be manipulated.

[adamdavidsoddities]

It's important to note that gaslighting isn't always one sided. Sometimes both parties are guilty. When watching we should also examine ourselves.

[uenoyamaritsuka]

The fact my toxic partner literally gaslighted me for months, ever since we got into our relationship. Being a people pleaser, I was terrified and always apologized for things that weren't even my fault, and always made me feel uncomfortable by bringing up their exes, which I never did. Thank God, I'm out of it now, this video was really helpful ♡ I can see everything clearly now.

[inkeriananas]

I've just broken up with my boyfriend of almost 5 years. There was a lot of love and we had a deep connection on a certain level, but I often found myself walking on eggshells, trying not to disagree with him too much so he wouldn't start a fight. And that's just it, it wouldn't really ever be a discussion or an equal conversation, it would always shift into him yelling at me and me crying and shutting down. He would speak his mind, then tell me to talk, only to interrupt me after 10 seconds. He told me he didn't like the way I explained things. He didn't give me a chance to explain or tell the story from my pov. He would say I was too defensive. Anyway, after a few years I didn't care anymore, became an empty shell and started replying "whatever" to everything. Now I'm looking forward to finding myself again.

[NathalieLazo]

Having a bad day? Put your hand on your heart. Feel that? That’s called your purpose. You’re alive for a reason. Keep going! - Love Nathalie ❤️

[litaraduodox]

Honestly I just watch these for checking my behavior. I have BPD, and even if not intentionally, I used to manipulate people. Been in therapy for 2 years and both me and my circles notice the difference! I've never felt better.

[smarikaneupane]

1. They invalidate your feelings.
2. They make you question yourself and your sanity.
3. They intend to make you feel small.
4. They don't take responsibilities for their work and actions.
5. You feel anxious about interacting with them.

[jacobhandyside]

Today I learned I was gaslighted for years. I didn't know who I was anymore, to the point where I didn't know which way gravity went. Im so glad I'm out now because that road only ends in suicide. I feel like myself again. I wish everyone the strength so that they can get out of a relationship like this ♥️

[styrax]

i really relate to this. i always thought i'm stupid and bad at all things cuz my family makes me feel like that. they make me feel bad about myself and i always thought that i was just overreacting. talking to them really feels like I'm walking on eggshells, I'm always worried about how they'll react if I say something wrong. they make me feel so down and useless. the bad things is that they always laugh at me and make fun of me while i look up to them as a role model. watching this video makes me realize that i am not overacting but i am gaslighted and being manipulated by the people around me whom i really love the most. i just hope i'm strong enough to confront them about how they make me feel.

[neuroqueercoach]

Recognizing that I'm being gaslit is really difficult for me. I'm autistic (so I take people at their word), have adhd (and therefore memory issues), was raised by a narcissist who constantly gaslit me, and have subsequently dated almost exclusively (later diagnosed) narcissists because that's what seemed normal to me, and I can never see it as it's happening, especially when they use psych terminology and tell me I'm gaslighting them for disagreeing with their version of events. It makes me second guess myself that I'm actually toxic, and it's always later that with A LOT of hindsight that I'm able to recognize the lies and how they benefited from them.

[dashiboy]

My prayers go to the people who are still being gaslighted in a relationship knowingly or unknowingly.. the worst feeling! ❤️

[RAA]

I dealt with this once in my life with a fellow co-worker who was 20 years my senior. He kept trying to implant situations that never happened & claiming that I had forgotten. The first time he did it, I question myself and my memory. The second time he did it, I quickly reminded myself that I have vivid memories from when I was 2/1-2 years old and that my memory is indeed very good.
The third time he did it, I was ready.
I asked him who TF he thought he was and that I was on to him and his head case tactics. He cowered and asked me what he did again & again. He turned pale and sat at his desk. I almost felt bad for him but not really.
I didn't speak to him and treated him as if he were invisible for 2 years. He one day came up with an excuse that his son needed mechanical guidance which I did assist with. I had thawed a bit and was civil towards him until he retired but I was Always on guard. Luckily, he tried No more shenanigans.