Are All Avoidants Covert Narcissists? | What To Look For

Training your brain to spot a covert narcissist is notoriously difficult.
Yet, the stakes have never been higher.
Experiencing a relationship with a narcissist,
Will lower your self-esteem.
Ruins your ability to form healthy relationships.
Can cause mental health issues like, PTSD, anxiety and depression.
It can manifest physical health problems
And significantly raise your chance of suicide
Luckily my latest YouTube video is all about identifying these individuals.

[fruitypopwhickle]

You know when you've dealt with them because nothing is normal. You can't quite put your finger on it, but problems can never be resolved. And you feel like you're slowly suffocating alive.

[smokingcrab]

If you're in a relationship with an avoidant, run. Just fucking run. Get out. It'll be hell. You'll be gaslighted into oblivion just for wanting baseline levels of mutual trust, attention, affection, and wanting just a crumb of your emotional needs met. You'll never out-love their issues. And it'll leave you broken and unsure of yourself in every way.

[rubberbiscuit]

1. Their lies are so effective that they can even fool themselves.
2. How you feel when you are with them. (Or after you have been with them.)
3. Their grandiosity will begin to leak out and be revealed through demonstrations of entitlement, arrogance, admiration seeking, and exploitation of others.

[Bri_]

I think some people become avoidant after dealing with a covert narcissist because there’s never any resolution and trust is so badly damaged that it’s hard to want to put effort into a relationship after that. So much healing needs to be done after that kind of relationship

[pjmrees]

I was married to a covert narcissist for 24 years. I had to study it just to keep my sanity. I searched for years before I figured it out. I wish I had known about this disorder so I could have my life back.

[narcsurvivors]

If they are rude or condescending do it back, always pass the ball back, they won't hang around and most probably they will reveal themselves first .
Narcissists want to do / say things to you that they would never tolerate from you in a million years .

[RaisingAwarenessBerlin]

It seems you partly describe a grandiose narcissist, a covert would not lie to make others believe they’re successful, they’d always play the poor victims/losers, but on the other hand they’d create a facade of being the best helper/most altruistic person in the world who wouldn’t harm anyone. Coverts are the most dangerous narcissists, they show up as helpless „kids“ and break your intuitive boundaries.

[DarthViper]

I was in her web. It's insane these people exist. It was the most bizarre experience. Love bombing is no joke...

[sharonleerosenhahn]

True. They stress you, sleep deprivation, chaos in your life then messes with you balance system. Then they deplete your cortisol then that blows off your body regulation system then your internal organs start to struggle then you hormones then your entire body will become sick and you will get so sick you will die. Stress is number one killer for a reason. These people bring stress 500 billion times the normal. Your happiness is diminished. Your peace is gone you won't be able to get it back. Your brain chemistry becomes unbalanced. They literally will drain the life out of you. HOW CAN YOU MISS THAT? HOW CAN YOU LOVE THAT? HOW CAN YOU MISS SOMEONE SO EVIL?

[cyndimoring]

I have a perfect test: tell them no to something they really want

[ashton]

I think the most important thing is for people to realize when they're in a toxic situation, and to see when they're being mistreated. Get out as fast as possible and worry about the diagnosis later. There are also those people who like to call every ex of theirs a narc, it gets a bit silly. But it's important to also be aware of the characteristics of narcissism (without looking for one behind every bush lol) because otherwise you can waste years believing the empty promises, investing in the wind, and end up with things like PTSD, cognitive dissonance etc.

[monalisa]

You are overlooking a HUGE issue. Trying to describe narcissistic abuse to others who have NOT experienced it is very very difficult and given that... The abused may look like the narcissist themselves as they do not feel understood either.

[debimary]

They talk at you for hours about their favourite subject, themselves, until you find it hard to stay awake.

[Mariet]

The difference is the intention, the whole focus of a covern narcissist is YOU, while the avoidant per se is die to their fear of independence. However, the effect is the same, it will profoundly hurt your self-esteem to be around them. I've been with both, and I can tell you one is a monster and the other just has tunnel vision.

[sondra]

I agree with you completely. I’ve been married to a covert narcissist for 40 years and now he’s become grandiose cruel and pretty much completely insane at age 57. I’m divorcing him

[Kat-]

They should teach this in high school 🏫

[MicheleLHarvey]

Narcissists lie. There's no way they'd answer ANY test truthfully, but rather answer what they think will make them look good.

[jessicamorales]

My old aunt survived a long marriage with my narcisistic uncle. He passed away a couple of years ago, and now, she is showing up signs of dementia, always recalling events from that marriage over and over. Only God can tell, but we all think their toxic lifestyle has a lot to do with her condition. In short, pay attention to the words of our smart counselor Chris, ...because what he is saying makes a lot of sense.

[tarafox]

In a teen friendship situation, a covert narcissistic destroys their 'friend'. Hurts them directly thru lies, but also all the flying monkeys they garner and character assassination they employ.

[jonvia]

It took me til I was 30 to really realize why I felt so off as a kid growing up. It was bc my mom and brother are covert narcissists and my dad enables them, not to mention other relatives that were narcissists as well like my grandparents who would walk all over our family, taking advantage of my parents' compassion. This is why when you cross me, its no more Mr. Nice Guy. I dont play the "oh well they're family" game...thats a great way to let people ruin your life using excuses like that