emotional neglect: 10 hidden signs

This video describes 10 signs of emotional neglect in what might be hidden or unknown signs --often developed in response to growing up in emotionally neglectful environments. We might now know why we are "this way," but in reality, many of these patterns were developed in response to our emotional, and maybe even physical, neglect in childhood.

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[einahsirro]

"Only safe when you're alone." Yep.

[juliadaruwalla]

60 years now, beginning to understand what happened to me. Through people like you. Thank you.

[pertjacanape]

1. Feeling shame because your emotional needs are real and they deserve to be met
2. Seeing empathy as some sort of unnecessary indulgence in life, such that others take you to be unsympathetic and uncaring
3. Doing everything alone but secretly wanting a helper, even feeling uncomfortable when receiving help
4. Frequent dissociation or checking out mentally via distractions like tv, reading books, or anything that lets you avoid your feelings for prolonged periods
5. Protecting your solitude as though your (emotional) safety lies in being alone
6. Habitually self-soothing, almost never co-regulating with another person...?
7. Longing to feel special but avoiding activities that would make you feel so
8. Treating intimacy like a performance, including when discussing your vulnerabilities
9. Being resistant to change or avoidant
10. Feeling deep inside that the problem lies with you, as if the shortcomings of your parents did not exist apart from you and probably predate your birth

[yaffa]

I was taken away from my parents age 6, because I had asthma and was missing school.
I was sent to a boarding school..
I saw my parents for 2 hours on the first Saturday of every month.
My mum felt sorry for the kids that didn't get visitors and spent all her time with them.
I feel guilty because I was jealous.
I went back home at ages 9 to a family that i just didn't know..
I never seemed to fit back in..
They were a family
Been lost all my life..
Im married, 64, and live in my bedroom..
I feel safe on my own..
I dont really have anything to say to anyone.
Looking forward to being with Jesus..
Hes my blessed hope...

[jemrosekoontz]

Yes, I buried myself in music and records starting at age 2. I am 72 now.

[marypieratt]

Not only were those feelings not met, but the fact that you have them was seen as indulging in frivolous luxuries.

[sarahclark]

I finally know at 62 years of age why I am like I am, thank you ❤

[thrivewithjesus]

The longer I live, all the more I understand what kind of evil I went through as a child. I look at my own children and I would rather die than hurt them in the ways I was hurt. I can't help but think its demonic and evil.

[MochaBrady]

I felt that my mother and father had me and then said, “ ok then raise yourself”. I was messed up for many years in adulthood but, I’m finally in a place where I feel stable. People have also noticed and commented that I am a very balanced person. Most of the time I am, but I still have my moments. Anyway, reading my Bible, praying, meditating and spending time alone with God has changed me. I know now that I am never alone and that I don’t need any person to justify who I am because I know who I am. I helped myself in this way and now I’m in a position to help other people which I enjoy doing. Please try to let go of the anger and resentment of the past. Look to now and to the future. You can’t change the past but, you can make your present and future a wonderful journey. I did and so can you. God does not favour anyone over another person. Only humans do that not God. What he did for me he will do for you too all you have to do is ask sincerely with all your heart and forgive and let go of the past. Let it go just give it to God. What do you have to lose except anger, hurt and resentment. Trade it it for love, joy and peace. I wish you all the very best.

[nancyweisbrodt]

As I was listening to this I became wide eyed and in disbelief. I am a 63 y/o "Lone Wolf" and this list described me perfectly. All the pieces have fallen into place regarding the reasons why I am how I am. I just had my second open heart surgery 8 months ago to receive a mechanical mitral valve. The first one was a repair 18 yrs ago.I was completely on my own both times but thank God for Wal-Mart grocery delivery! Thank you for this morning's revelation!!

[Cheznrice]

All 10! The one that stands out the most, feeling special. I was constantly told that i was not special, by my mother. It still hurts at 53.

[reminiscingyesteryear]

You are describing me to a tee. Presently, I am completely shutdown, turned off to all relationships. I quit people, live in isolation. I do not know what to do to stop this.

[createone]

There was never any physical touch in our household. Never, ever were we hugged, kissed, or softly touched. That fact alone set me up for some bad relationships and a lot of social anxiety. I could cry for that little girl who was not deeply loved by anyone. I am now 73, and yes, intimate conversations often feel fake, like a performance, partly because of a level of mistrust I have that people genuinely care, and partly because most people are terrible listeners and questioners. They just go on and on about themselves. Pretty soon I make up an excuse to leave.

[Mukyuify]

I feel like just being and talking with people feel like performance, not only in intimate situations.

[FrenchTwist]

At 72 I too am still on the journey to understand and move forward

[nicolataylor]

My mother told me my dad was dead in a car crash..he was late home 🙄 I was 3.. she use to pretend to be dead when he came home from work because she was jealous that he went up to see me first..she had a heart condition and used that to manipulate her own way.. he then told me he thought we where going to loose her early on so I'd better be a good girl and help..I was 7 and that was the first time I felt the fear in the stomach which is now anxiety. My dad was an alcoholic and physically abusive with me probably because he was being manipulated by her..I am remembering so many abusive events from my childhood at nearly 60 and am trying to heal myself..To the outside world we where the perfect family

[CoalWarning]

Partway through this video I started crying. So many of these resonate with me, but I struggle to accept the reality of what my childhood was.

[eleanorearhart]

Oh my god, this is my whole life....she says, sitting alone at home, avoiding human contact because it's safer that way, and why on earth would anyone want to have contact with someone as bad as her? Knowing empathy only as a gift to give other people, but never to squander on herself.

Thank you for this video, you captured the whole thing perfectly, especially the issues around asking for help.

[produceman]

My parent's eyes never light up when they see me. If anything, they are annoyed instead... I just feel like a burden around them. An old guru I use to listen to said... "People who don't like you... hate to see you coming down the road... and smile when you are leaving"...

[sherrieallen]

I'm a recent widow and just coming to the understanding that I did go through emotional neglect as a child and then married a man (46 years) who continued the neglect. I don't think my parents meant to neglect me that way but life happens - my dad had a horrible accident and my mom became the bread winner in our family. Me, being the oldest child became a co-parent to my younger siblings at a very young age. No time for social interactions. I had to make sure the house was cleaned, supper started and everyone's homework done or answer for it when mom got home. Mom held us together but she did it angrily and with stern rules. Then I married my husband and for 46 years he never remembered my birthday, never celebrated an anniversary and discounted my wishes, hopes and needs if they differed from his. I am a doormat to be stepped on and so now I am going through a bit of self isolation and slamming the door shut to social opportunities. It's not that I don't think I should be treated any different. It IS that I doubt anyone would treat me any different and I am terrified to find out if they would.