Narcissistic Parents: Unacceptable Abuse They Trained You to Tolerate

In this video, I discuss the unacceptable abuse narcissistic parents trained you to tolerate. Understanding this will help you recognize the damaging behaviors you've been conditioned to accept, set higher standards for yourself, and become your true self, regardless of whether others like it or not.

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Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC, has helped 10,000s of people heal from family dysfunction and become the true self they were never allowed to be. As a family systems and self-differentiation coach, he leverages 45 years of experience to help clients permanently break free from family-of-origin dysfunction, cultivate healthy relationships, and build a strong sense of self.

****DISCLAIMER: THIS VIDEO IS NOT INTENDED TO SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING. BE SURE TO CONSULT A PROFESSIONAL TO HELP YOU INTEGRATE AND UTILIZE THESE CONCEPTS.****

[jerrywise]

Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇

[ttheartsu]

They love to gang up on you (either with other family members or siblings) but when you snap back you’re either “too sensitive” or “can’t take a joke”

[TarotTanja]

1. Gaslighting
2. Emotional manipulation (guilt, shame, responsibility-shift)
3. Shaming & endless criticism
4. Silent Treatment / Emotional withholding
5. Triangulation (playing family members against e.o.)
6. Blame-shifting, scape-goating, denial of responsibility
7. Love bombing and withdrawal (unpredictability)
8. Over-control and invasion of privacy (monitoring, micro-managing)
9. Emotional over-dependence
10. Control (by fear, anxiety)
11. Emotional invalidation
12. Boundary violation

[IzabelaWaniek-ix]

Oh yes. Narcisistic parents are cowards and bullies and immature spoilt children wreaking havoc in the lives of their children who are forced to grow up when they are in kindergarten. If you had a narcissist as your parent and you have survived, you are a superhero!

[joshsmith]

Gaslighting is a wicked thing. It tears you down from the inside out. Someone who does it is not your friend.

[lauren_]

Narc parents will forever have you questioning yourself and your thoughts. They only care about how YOU made them feel… but never your reaction from their abuse

[ccharles]

This made me cry. My mom did every one of those things. My dad sat quietly and let that happen. No wonder I struggle even today.

[SpreadLoveLikeWildfire]

Its sad going through videos like this and realizing how much trauma I have suffered at the hands of the people who were supposed to love me. 😢

[rickturnr]

It wasn't just narcissistic parents, it was also teachers, relatives, etc

[stardustnebula]

For me i was trained to tolerate : screaming, slamming doors, being endlessly berated and criticized for nothing, making fun of me, ridiculing the things i like, ridiculing my mental health struggles. Making harsh comments about my body. Gaslighting. Emotional abuse. Being made the therapist of my parents. shaming. Being threatened with being put on the street. Etc.etc.

[elizabethbarefoot]

They taught me the people who love you will beat you. And then you are expected to sit down at the dinner table like it didn’t happen. I allowed so much abuse as an adult.

[joannahediger]

As a child, if I came home happy she would make me feel guilty and ashamed because I was happy while she was miserable. So I would lose my feelings of happiness because I felt responsible for her misery. I still have a very hard time not feeling guilty after I feel happy. What kind of sick parent resents their child’s happiness? Trying hard to become the inner mother to myself who smiles with joy when I feel happy and support myself!

[SuperBluejewels]

Yes, I tolerate a lot of disrespect from others because my parents emotionally and physically abused me .

[TJP-tqnp]

At age 18, I was asked by a counselor, “How does that make you feel?” I didn’t know what she was talking about. My feelings were not considered and so were never regarded by me. It took a while to learn to include my feelings in the proper place in my life.

[leeluna]

When my mother died my narc father instructed my sister not to tell me so I couldn't fly in for the funeral and she complied! At that point I finally realized that nothing was too below the belt and just like my mother my sister would be obedient to, in her mind, keep him from getting angry. A week later I tried to have a conversation about why this happened and was yelled at for being selfish. So, as Jerry said, you are expected to be a good sport about being mistreated and expected to have no needs or interest in protecting yourself. That's the narc system. Walk away from it.

[lynnettepadilla]

I love this. I would add verbal abuse. I tolerated being screamed at, called names, and insulted, thinking it was normal and acceptable for someone to rage at me when they got upset. Like being angry gave you permission to say nasty things, just because you are mad.

[gotinogaden]

The worst thing about all this is that it's "Pavlov's Dog" 2.0, essentially. It's training, conditioning, priming, whatever you like to call it. They teach you to put up with abusive behaviors of all stripes, and this gives the tone for the rest of your relationships in school, the workplace, intimate, etc. They teach you to gravitate, keep and put up with people who are as abusive as them, to shut your inner advocate and listen only to your inner critic, because that's what you've been primarily been through. It's a comfortable, familiar place to be. It's almost impossible to get out of that spot later on, and many people do indeed commit suicide or snap after years of losing their self-respect in such relationships.

[rustyscrapper]

I was taught not to ask for any attention or get help with anything. I wasn't supposed to ever need anything.

[graveyardghost]

When I was in my 20's, was watching t.v. at my step mom's house. A handsome actor was on the screen and stepmom said he had broken up with his cute actress girlfriend. Joking, I said "well if she doesnt want him, I do!" My stepmom said in a deprecating way, "Oh honey, you dont have the body for it." Then when I didntbredpond she said "no, you dont have what it takes." I was just joking in the first place but she couldn't let any opportunity pass to put me down.

[SunflowerGodess]

Spot on. It's disgusting growing up this way 🙄🙄🙄