Journey of the scapegoat survivor of narcissistic abuse

Today, let's take a closer look into the journey of a scapegoat survivor by examining the complexities of shedding the burdens of the narcissist's self-hatred, reclaiming one's identity, and rediscovering inner sanctuaries long forsaken.

If you want to dive deeper into these topics, check out my course, “A Map to Recovery From Narcissistic Abuse”, which covers the 3 pillars of recovery that this video is based on.

You can also start your journey by understanding that none of the abuse was your fault and dismantling your false beliefs, using my ebook, "Surviving Narcissistic Abuse as the Scapegoat".

If you’re not 100% sure if you went through narcissistic abuse, take my Narcissistic Emotional Abuse Quiz today and find out

[Brittany-jf]

I also want to say that I think scapegoats deserve a lot of credit for being able to survive all the pain that an adult connot/doesn't want to handle, all while being just a child and without support!

[pavanatanaya]

My older brother was the family scapegoat. Until he ran away. Then I became the goat. In retrospect, he was the healthiest person in the house

[kelay]

The irony is that despite all of the abuse, we walk away as the strongest and healthiest because we are NOT self-hating abusers like they. The resilience of a scapegoat is a wonder to behold.

[realhealing]

I finally realized that I would always be the toxic families scapegoat. The only way to heal was to leave the toxic environment. My only option was to go no contact. Abuser don't change!

[karenmininni]

The scapegoated child grows up with an orphaned spirit running between fight, flight, freeze and fawn trauma responses. Only to find out that nothing worked until they learn to release the toxic burden of the narcissist.

[elliewegman]

Entering a room and you feel the backstabbing vibe. This happened all the time. Its a horrible feeling. This dynamic never stops. Also remarkably when you are happy, they have to shut you down. Why are you happy when old nasty vindictive mother hates you being around. It is a lifetime sentence.

[bonniewinfield]

I had my first child at age 23. My narc mother came to the hospital the next day. In the reception area I fainted, and the nurses took me back to my room and tucked me into bed. After the nurses left, my mother came into the room and physically attacked me. I screamed, nurses came running, and threw my parents out of the hospital no questions asked. That was when I thought that I had had enough. Twenty three years is enough. I went no contact. I just couldn’t take it anymore.

[queenr.]

Scapegoat anonymous over here. Been thriving since the disconnection. STAND UP people, you can make it 💪🏾

[Angell_Lee]

I was the scapegoat, almost took my life. Looking back, it was the best thing that ever happened to me, my dad taught me through his abuse a facet of humanity I didn't want to face, that people can be so cruel, to love myself regardless, to not be afraid to stand in my own light, to always trust my inner wisdom. In a way thank you dad, even if I cut you out of my life I wish you love and healing, nobody in their right mind would make another individual suffer to feel better about themselves.

[RPJacob]

And then one day you realize that healing means to get rid of narcissistics from your life not to make them love you. And this is sad, especially if the narcissistics are your close family or friends.
Whenever I was setting boundaries a narcissist terminated the relationship, so I thought that I was doing something wrong. Then I realised that this is exactly what I should expect from a narcissist. I was naive thinking that me, being healthy, make them somehow respect me, like me, love me.
Healing means termination of bad relationships, not changing bad into good.

[aroncsoka]

We were abused since toddler age, we don't necessarily ask ourselves whether we deserved it or not. But we face the realisation that it did happen to us regardless of who is to blame.

Sometimes scapegoated children get discarded. Meaning we don't even get the hate anymore.

[heifie]

Parents Always choose the strongest child to be the scapegoat, keep that in mind.

[quarry_mac]

It's disturbing and heartening to know how widespread this problem is.

[taniabluebell]

“One mistake away from complete ruin”. I still struggle with this intermittently. This is a learned and conditioned reaction because my mom would treat any mistake I made, big or small, like it was the end of the world. The manufactured mistakes were the worst because she declared I did something wrong and there was nothing I could do to “clear my name”.

As a child I absorbed a lot of my borderline mom’s fears and burdens. I did my best to alleviate her burdens. I had no idea my natural instinct to question bad behavior or injustice during childhood primed me to become the scapegoat as a preteen.

My siblings were afraid of my mom. My older sister became the golden child during high school, becoming a double agent by joining my mom in triangulation. She became a golden child after the my little brother, the golden child, did the ‘unthinkable’ and was embarrassed of my mom. This happened when my mom made an unannounced visit to his elementary school. Later that day we got an earful at home as mom recounted what she experienced at the elementary school. Despite my brother being the youngest child and spoiled by my mom he became visibly being embarrassed of her when she visited him at school. She would not forgive him for being embarrassed of her. We heard the story on repeat even as adults.

The external blame referenced in this video only stops by going no contact. Once you purge this regular poison delivered by family abusers and family enablers is when the internal blame has a chance to be removed and replaced with healthy habits, boundaries and the self confidence that was robbed from us.

[starrseed]

I was scapegoated in my original family and then married into a family that also scapegoates me I basically have isolated myself from the world and trust no one

[ginadimauro]

Look at all of us, it’s clear we have one another and in fact we are not alone. ❤

[glowgirl]

I didn't realize just how often I call myself "names" when I make a simple mistake or drop something, etc. Names like "stupid, asshole, idiot, jerk, loser" . I would NEVER say these things to someone else and certainly not to someone I love. So there it is. I'm learning to love myself after all these years.This was one of your best videos, Jay.

[feelingbetternaturally]

Self-love is the cure and protection from Narcs.

[bonnieforman]

I knew the moment that I was done. I said goodbye to my sister's dogs and left her house. That was 19 years ago and I haven't gone back. Both parents (overt) and both sisters (covert) are narcissists. Looking back, I remember thinking I wasn't human or worthy of breathing, literally, and thought that death was the only way out of their abuse for many years. After only 4 months of therapy (someone treating me with kindness and respect), I knew I was done,

[BarbaraAnnLittle]

The unfortunate truth for me is that I repeatedly found myself in relationships, either intimate, work, etc (and I am talking for DECADES) where I unconsciously recreated the dynamic that I was somehow defective. Dissociation was a key tool I used to accomplish this. When I could get clear with my part in my participation in this dynamic is when I started to find a way out.