Why narcissists don't let people get too close to them

It's extremely difficult to get close to a narcissist. When I say "close" I don't mean physical closeness, I'm referring to emotional closeness. A lot of narcissistic people have a fear of letting people get emotionally close to them for a few different reasons. I go over a few in detail in the video but 1 of the main reasons is fear. Abject fear that if you get too close to me, then you will be able to hurt me in some way. They may think or feel this way because something happened to them in their youth that may them no longer trust people to get close to them.

Welcome my channel! If this is your first time seeing my face or hearing my voice, my name is Lee and I am a self aware narcissist. I have narcissistic personality disorder ( NPD ) and I've been in therapy for my personality disorder since 2017 and it has definitely changed my life because without it, I would have lost everything.

The point of these videos is to help bring awareness from the other side of the narcissistic *buse spectrum. All my videos give perspective on why many narcissists do what they do and the possible different reasons behind them. The victims and survivors get validation and the Narcissists (those that are willing) get to see that you can get help and that you are not alone.

Thank you so much

[PorciaCatonis-BC]

Because they know that they aren't the people they're pretending to be. Stick around too long, and you'll figure it out, too.

[teronberkeley]

The hardest part is when they show you the soft side, which is the side you fall in love with, and out of the blue they retreat and take it all back and start being mean and cold toward you and leaves you super confused and lost.

[Nuculer]

Too many people = too many lies to track and impossible to prevent conflicts and contradictions

[MillieSmolKittyo]

Trying to form a genuine connection with him was like trying to plant seeds in concrete. Give me something REAL, unconditional love.

[samanthajames]

Wow ... The ex narc on the first discard said " I'm scared what you will do to me"
2nd discard " there is a good person deep inside me, but I have to protect myself, I have to let you go" wow

[cassiebennet]

Intimacy, of any kind, is impossible for someone who doesn't have a clue who they are. You can't share youself with anyone if you don't know who that really is.

[mortischahicks]

You know that makes a lot of sense! 😢😢😢
Whatever happened to them as a child, they carry around that pain.
I AIN'T GOING BACK, though!

[nicolebeard]

Yes it was weird in the beginning because it seemed like my covert narcissist ex-husband was being vulnerable with me at first. He told me about things that happened to him in childhood. I now see that he did that to play the victim and use my empathy against me. During the marriage, he said he didn’t like to be vulnerable and of course he blamed his ex-girlfriend for that. He claims that he was vulnerable with her and she used it against him. 😐😅 I felt like I didn’t really know him. I felt like he kept a lot of secrets. It was a strange feeling.

[AliceLytle]

Because it involves intimacy which means in-to-me-see

[Kiki_slays_hair]

They don’t want anyone to find out what’s really going on!

[tinabrockmeyer]

Thanks for confirming my thoughts. In laymen's terms they don't want to be hurt again. That is whete the control comes in. 😊

[MG-otyr]

Its not just narcissists that keep people at arms length. I'm one that has a fear of clingy, needy people, getting pulled into situations I might feel trapped in their cycles of drama with increasing expectations from me to solve all their problems. But do have a few really close friends that I do not push away like that, they are the strong, independent type like myself. So I am guarded to a degree.

[lasurfette]

Thank you so much for posting this video. I was wondering why my narcissistic ex became so close to me about three or four months into our relationship, but then was pushing me away starting at six months. We didn’t really start having conflict until about a year in. But I always wondered why it seemed like the closer we got the more he put up a wall. Now it makes sense.

[stephaniemcwilliams]

Before I realized what I was in with my covert narc, him telling me I wasn't his "real family" because we weren't related by blood used to hurt my feelings so bad. I couldn't understand & now I do!

[ladyvirgo]

12 years married and he always kept a part of himself hidden, now I know why

[mollykayramstack]

1:39 💯!!! When it came to saying I love you, he would always say he was too scared to say it because when he did, it always went bad. This helps me understand that. Thank you Lee!!! 💖🙏🙏💖

[MsCocoBabi]

I just don’t understand why he just won’t leave. He’s clearly unhappy with me I can tell just the sight of me upset him but he won’t leave me. I don’t understand why he stays and if I try to leave he becomes an abusive monster 😩🥺

[scotttully]

They try to force us to live in the same gray no-love land that they do... where we slowly die from lack of oxygen. How can narcs live in that state, Lee... without dying of starvation?

[EricaSinner]

They are afraid - afraid to feel that pain of rejection, afraid you won’t like who they really are, afraid to embrace those feelings that are real. It takes a lot of strength to get hurt and get back up. They probably got hurt at some point in time and it hurt so bad that it changed the way they perceived the world.

[jackidezell]

Then narcissists treat us like crap forcing us to leave and we do hurt them. That makes zero sense.