Outgrowing Friendships — A Consequence of Growing

[lynnbishop]

I find my friends of old, haven't grown at all in the past 30 years, and I just get bored with them still drama mongering about the same issues, just with different people. As I get older, I'm realising I like less and less people, and am quite happy just relying on myself.

[flyingfig]

When they criticize your good qualities.. good time to evaluate the friendship.

[bethany]

It’s refreshing to hear your talks in a world where these perspectives are so rare. It makes me feel not quite as alone.

[Paspaspas]

Yep, outgrowing friendships is a part of life. But if you let it happen it gets replaced by better friendships. At least it has for me

[NOT_SURE..]

I have found that over the years as my self esteem has grown all my friends (and family) have attacked me, to try and keep me in the place of low self esteem ( perhaps they needed someone to belittle or to project onto, ) and as soon as they realised that wasn't gonna happen anymore they dissappeared . best thing they could have done.

[b]

I've been going through this situation recently. I was just discussing this topic with my therapist. He said the same thing; I've outgrown them. It makes me melancholic, but I'm accepting this transition in life.

[Sonicade]

People don't drop me... it's the other way round. They won't leave me alone! Manipulators are always attracted to those with kind, trusting, people pleasing tendencies. After much ditching of old manipulative friends. I've finally got a small group of nice friends now. Hooray

[dnpuouh]

And sometimes, when we heal, the ‘friendships’ that we formed when we were more unhealthy, just fall off effortlessly. I don’t know who’s doing is that. May be both parties, subconsciously contribute to this falling apart. It’s still painful to lose friends though. But it happens. The ones that remain become our chosen family.

[breathinghuman]

I really needed this video right now. I just lost a close friendship with someone who I used to think was an ally.

It hurts SO MUCH to get so close to someone just to find out that you never really knew their real feelings or intentions at all.

I’m developing such bad trust issues, but what else can I do but keep going on?

This world hurts.

[theokirkley]

Very helpful. As someone who serially judges myself and blames myself, I have to listen to this a few times to get the message

[smoozerish]

I'm going through this at the moment with a friend. It's hard but I've realized our values and outlook on life are totally different now. Reaching out just to keep it going feels like I am only flogging a dead horse where conversation that reminisces about the past feels stale. My personal growth definitely threatens my friend even though it is unspoken. The little grimaces and bewildered looks say it all.

[timharris]

"Everyone you love will leave you - and then you'll see who your true friends really are."

[pam_on_board]

I lost a friend, that I was a friend to for 27 years. Your video makes sense to all of the ending moments. Thank you!

[ernestdrozdz]

I totally relate to that! I've lost so many friends... But in my early 20s I realized it's nobody's fault. It is natural that people grow into different directions and can't be each other's companions any more. Or, sadly, more often: one person grows and the other stays stuck in it's comfort zone and mainstream life.

[iferal]

What a relief to hear this, just now. I repeatedly had friends who only call me when they are in a crisis; because they know I have been through so many storms, they turn to me. 
And me, on the other hand, I learned from a young age thatI am "worthy" only when I help the others, so this vicious circle kept going on.
Now, a friend calls me again after splitting with her boyfriend (for who she did bring her dog to the animal shelter! The dog was an obstacle for her to travel to see him). So she sends me a message, like she always does when she's single, and complains about him, saying that because of him, she LOST her dog (What a strange way to put it, like if the dog ran alone to the shelter)
I promised myself to cut the relation if she used me like this again, and so I didn't reply. The story of the dog just made it even clearer and shocking to me. And now this video helps me to not regret my choice. Thank you

[methoxyll]

When I started growing more as a person and starting to travel that's when I lost all my friends. I'm not a person to really reach out but I try my best to. Slowly the people I valued just started pushing me out of their lives and showing me little to no care about me at all. I've lost almost all my friends I have about 1 left and even she doesn't want to support me and the things I worked hard to accomplish. All my life I've been betrayed by friends close to me and now I have no one left and I'm 22 :/ it's hard to make sense of it . Thanks Daniel

[strangeland]

very relatable! I'm ok with having less people in my life, but I would like to have someone other than my therapist who is going in the same direction.

[grayrockaroundtheclock]

This happened to me with a friend who refused to understand or believe that I actually chose not to get married and have kids. she began to take it as a personal affront to her life choices, and when I got to the age where she actually started to believe I was serious about my life choices, she was full of anger and disbelief.

[fabis]

I'm 34 and I really don't have a lot of friends, but I have been learning to don't care because it's like you say on this video, they go away because I didn't leave them impose their views to me or because I didn't leave that they used me.

[wednesday]

Thank you! This is very affirming. After spending 6 months in intense psychotherapy and spending a lot of time alone, I have lost my best friend 😭 I've come to realize that she is unhealthy and stuck. It really sucks and I miss her, but I have changed.