How to Handle a Narcissistic Parent - Terri Cole

How would you feel if your own mother wore white to your wedding? If you grew up with a narcissistic parent, you’ve probably experienced something similar. Behaviors that would seem outrageous and even unbelievable to other people, for you, was just par for the course.

In this video, I want to share a story that came in from a woman whose mother insisted on wearing white to her wedding. Sound out of control? Yup.

Here’s the rub: Jamie (our bride), knows that her mom’s a narcissist. She wrote to me that she’s furious with her, and she’s afraid to cut off the relationship because her mother is so vindictive and mean…but she’s also torn because there’s a part of her that still loves her too.

Sound familiar? Do you have a narcissistic parent?

If it does, watch this video on what can you do start to heal from the incredibly painful and isolating reality of having a narcissistic parent. Learning how to protect yourself is definitely what is needed and what’s in order.

Drop me a comment and let me know what resonated with you after watching this video.

TIME STAMPS:
0:00 - Introduction
2:05 - Traits of a narcissistic parent, and how the experience impacts children
8:55 - Creating distance from a narcissistic parent (rather than cutting them off)
12:00 - Tips for dealing with a narcissistic parent in the present
16:40 - Why it's you're right to draw boundaries with your parents to protect your family/children

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ABOUT TERRI COLE:
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist and global leading expert in female empowerment. For two decades, Terri has worked with some of the world’s most well-known personalities from international pop stars to Fortune 500 CEOs. Terri has a gift for making complex psychological concepts accessible, and then actionable so that clients and students achieve sustainable change i.e. true transformation. She empowers over 250,000 people weekly through her blog, social media platform, signature courses, Real Love Revolution and Boundary Bootcamp + her popular podcast, The Terri Cole Show. She is also the author of Boundary Boss-The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen and (Finally) Live Free (April 2021)

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#narcissism #narcissisticparents #terricoleshow #terricolerealloverevolution

[valerieh]

“You can’t have any needs if you have a narcissistic parent”. I need to write this for myself.

[brandilee]

It took me 3/4 of my life to realize I wasn't crazy. I've started doing my own research n bumped into this. Thank you.

[robinsaba]

I get so sick and tired of people saying, that’s your mother you should respect her, she’s the only mother you will ever have!!!Well they don’t know what that mother has put you through and how she has ruined your life!!!

[tbd]

They are “Emotionally untrustworthy.” Yes, it’s true.

[aywilliams]

When I get the guilt messages, on my phone, I just remember the little girl she neglected and hurt instead of uplifting and comforted. That keeps my boundaries in place.

[etchedinstone]

You will either submit to them or you will compete with them. For the longest time, I tried to rise above this dynamic. Family is not supposed to be a competition but for some, it becomes exactly that.

[brollicon]

I think you should do a video about no contact. Narc parents train their kids to be codependent. So it if difficult to function without thinking of the parents. You have to get to a point where you put yourself first without thinking a decision the parent wants you to do.

[Wooddweller]

No ability to empathize with their children !

That stands out !

[tessw]

The most pivotal point in my life was when I realized I wasn't a child and that I'm a grown ass woman that my mother can no longer punish. That was HUGE, because it released any false responsibility I felt that kept me believing I owed her anything. All the fear of her left because I realized I am her equal. All she can do is slander me to people I don't care about anyway. She has no real power to hurt me, and when I realized game was over, no contact was easy. That was 5 years ago.

[guitarsz]

omg. So true. "The child within each of us wants to be ever hopeful that the parent can change. But the grownup in you needs to look at the evidence that you have that this parent is incapable of loving you the way that you want to be loved and is definitely emotionally untrustworthy." TC Boom Terri. Mic drop moment.

[newtreena]

There is evil in the world and it starts in families👿

[fineartlifestyling]

The “why” is exactly what kills you even if you have taken great strides to comprehend and acknowledge your Narcissistic parent’s’ limitations. Allowing a Narc into your life is like being a life support donor that sucks your vitality out of your life, quite literally! This is precisely why cutting out the interaction is the only way to heal. If you continue, the only relationship you will be able to entertain is a superficial one that is governed by walking on a minefield. It’s exhausting, painful, and continues to be a toxic poison.

[kimfoster]

As a daughter of a narcissist, I agree that it is a very painful situation. Like Bri Lee below, it took me YEARS to realize that I was raised by a narcissist. Throughout my life, my mother gave me the silent treatment whenever I went against her wishes (i.e., didn't date the person she wanted me to, planning my wedding in a way she didn't like, etc.) The breaking point came when she scolded ME when I cried out to her for help when my stepfather sexually assaulted me. She instructed me "not to EVER tell anyone what had happened."

[ldcjums]

Ohh my God, i just found out that i am living with a narcissist mom.
Now i found the answers for my questions.

[chicaskas]

Dont forget, they also have the ability to cast themselves as the golden child and making you the scapegoat. I always get, "I never treated my mother the way you treat me." Like she was perfect. She actually deeply dissapointed my grandmother, who was passive, and couldn't fight with her anymore.

[scarletscarlet]

My sister and I have just started researching this and our mother ticks EVERY box for a narcissist mother. I am the oldest child and have had to be the adult most of my life. We have a younger brother who is the Golden Child and our mother keeps him attached to the apron strings by helping him financially and basically treating him like a "husband" to her ( our father passed away in 1992) She is now 80 years old and we dont want to cut her off but have been telling her less and less lately, she has tried and still tries to cause problems between my sister and I but thankfully we know her games now. She tells her friends horrible stories about us and how badly we treat her so thats awkward when we see them and we have had people ignore us as they believe what she says. It feels like its a dirty little secret in the family because she is so nice to outsiders and they would no way believe us if we said otherwise. I feel that once she passes it will be an incredible weight lifted off us as sad as that sounds. :(

[natalimitovs]

So true, the moment I forget and share something I deeply regret it..."Protect the internal life", "they are never going to be what you want them to be" - brilliant.

[TheSLK]

People really judge too....especially when we are negative about

[FeralRanchWife]

What I struggle with the most (48 hrs after realizing my parents are both narcs) is “what if I’m wrong”….. they check all the boxes of the checklist….. “but what if I’m wrong? What if I do this (not let them into my life except on the fringe) and I’m wrong?” still plays in my head. I KNOW I’M NOT WRONG! But this sick abuse they’ve done makes unwinding the trauma, and not continually blaming yourself/second guessing difficult.
I AM going to overcome this! Survived this far….

[Mich]

My mother was not that bad when I was a child, although she had episodes of obvious narcissism and control. Now shes 84 yrs old and just awful to deal with, it's all about her. She mistreats me the most because I live with her. When people meet her she is the sweetest old lady, nice as can be, although I think she wants attention badly. I need to move out, she is affecting my health and well being. I feel like I'm on a roller coaster with her mood swings. I have developed blood pressure issues. I feel I'm not taking care of myself.