Why Narcissists Can't Trust: 10 Subconscious Unresolved Questions

A primary driver of healthy relationships is trust. Without it, relationships crumble quickly. Dr. Les Carter explains how narcissists have an almost disintegrated capacity for trust. He highlights 10 questions from the narcissist's past that have not been resolved, and that subconsciously impact the narcissist's current circumstances. Knowing how they struggle with trust, you can become positioned to set necessary boundaries.

Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who lives in Dallas, Tx. In the past 40 years he has conducted more than 60,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.

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Dr. Carter's new video workshop, Free To Be:

Join Dr. Carter on our Facebook page, Surviving Narcissism, for a time of live questions and answers each Thursday at 11:30 Central Time, U.S.

[speedskater]

They are always looking for something to be pissed off about, and they always find it no matter what it is

[joannajohnson]

I made the mistake of breaking "NO CONTACT" with a narc friend of mine, Thinking "maybe I was wrong, maybe I should give her another chance." WOW. Was I wrong. Once engaging in conversation with her again, I realized we were right back where we left off. She got to say what she wanted to say & when I wanted to communicated, she CUT ME OFF! Communication is not a ONE SIDED conversation. I realized I had moved forward in my life & she had remained the same. "it was everyone else's fault! Not hers!" A very narc point of view indeed.

[joygrace]

Many narcissists say it is difficult to communicate clearly with people with whom they are emotionally involved when it needs to be the opposite. Many don't trust, but expect others to trust them.

[jenniecesario]

That's where I made my mistake....I believed I could fix his failed childhood. I couldn't.

[js]

I used to ask my covert narc, "Why don't you trust me? How would you feel if you had been shut out of any decision-making ability with regards to our finances?" He is stuck with the distorted schema he was inculcated with in childhood. It's a devastating situation when a life full of love is discarded because of damage done as a child. He cannot see what he is destroying. Like so many before and after me, I thought I could repair damage with love. I gain strength and new ways to respond from these videos. After learning all about narcissism, I told my covert narc, "The jig is up." He was stunned. I felt empowered for the first time ever. In fact, I felt euphoric that I had finally stopped him in his tracks. In nearly 30 years of marriage I'd never used the word 'jig', (a dishonest action that has been uncovered and will not be continued). It just seemed so appropriate. Once the behaviours are seen and not just reacted to, the jig is finally up. Sadly we often only learn about narcissism because we have been abused. A sincere thank you, Dr Carter.

[LadiesofPurposeTV]

It’s so exhausting dealing with narcissists. They don’t know how to have a conversation, it’s only their opinion & thoughts that are “correct”.

[mrssmith]

I have realized I am a narcissist after years of therapy where I wasted my time not realizing what my problem really was. I watch this channel and it is so helpful to me. Thank you for your honesty and your compassion. We need to see how we hurt others but it is alot easier to swallow when someone tells us the truth without demonizing us.

[Miss_Wonderful]

Now I see why if you shower them with love, they still dont' get they are precious to you. Probably they see your love as a way to mock and deceive them.

[craig]

Can't trust narcissist because all they do is lie behind by my back & make false accusations . They just need someone to blame to make themselves feel better . I know what I have and haven't done .

[dotnb]

My mother had a horrendous upbringing and further interactions with her siblings were traumatic, to say the least. I tried everything to show her I love her, and nothing worked. I am not 'flying monkeying' her awful behaviour, but explaining it and in doing so, finally accepting things as they really are.
She is toxic, conscience-less, without remorse and feels totally justified in continuing cruel and degrading behaviour. Futhermore, she does not trust myself or my siblings.
Thank you for this healing video Dr Carter. It is helping me to stop being gaslighted and to let go.

[kimberlycyr]

Thank you for this. My Ex literally says “I can’t/don’t trust you” yet, I have done nothing that warrants that. He, on the other hand, has lied, cheated, and stolen from me. I have found my peace but he also claims I am just bitter. Nope. I feel nothing for him and maybe that makes him angry. Don’t know don’t care.

[dgsyczb]

When you’re raised by wolves all you see is teeth.

[RosieyMarie]

I think it's more that they don't have to or want to trust anyone, since they have nothing to gain from it anyway. Trusting is losing, always, in their mind. Just my personal prespective after growing up with my narcissitic parent and being a narcissist myself.

[hangryturtle]

Sheesh, I actually identify. This is sad. It’s hard when people hurt you and it truly does make you less trusting toward others. But I guess I’m just a lot more careful in choosing my confidants now. I do trust some people, just not everybody

[denellelloyd]

My exs favorite thing to say was "if everybody lived a life like I lived they'd drink too" took me 5 1/2 years to see how empty he really is. 3 months no contact and my life is so much calmer!

[raven]

It really is sad how children are treated and they take it into adulthood and can't learn or resolve their horrible childhood experiences!

[wheelerpat]

Does it have something to do with the fact that they know they are untrustworthy, so they assume everyone else is the same? Because everything seems to be always about them (in their eyes).

[audreydakin]

I think I’ve been a “placeholder” a few times. They project “their lack of trust” onto you that they can’t trust, therefore, you must be the problem. It’s an incorrect thinking pattern.

[Nancy-ywrr]

I was always accused of being a control freak by my narcissistic spouse. It was such a blatant attempt to project his controlling behaviors onto me. I deserved his trust, but he was always making false accusations. It was upsetting and exhausting.

[angelanicholson]

They were let down when young. Sometimes, badly. But it's my personal observation that they have a base personality that comes into play, and the damage goes deeper in them with an aggressiveness and huge ego that's already in them. A colder, selfish base to them. As so many children are let down, sometimes badly, but they turn it inwards, or look for ways forward, or find rescue somehow, without making other's pay, or having such a low self-esteem mixed with a huge ego. Some children are spiteful, but they either have no nurturing on it, or they learn to deceive to get away with it. Always angry and always looking for prey. There are a lot of hurt, damaged people that are not cluster b's. So, i do think it's helpful for us to understand this, so we know not to become prey. They can't let go of any slight against them, and trust is something they require being given to them, without them genuinely reciprocating.