😡You can't shut down passive-aggressive difficult people by telling them off🤬

communication skills training, communication training, difficult people--
It is true that what gets rewarded gets repeated, but it is NOT true that what gets put down goes away. That is not true. The way to stop difficult behavior is not by angrily reacting to it. The way to stop difficult behavior and difficult people is by spotlighting the bad behavior.

[ladeek]

Beginning with a question such “Are you saying…? Do you mean…?, aka ”perception checking” eliminates A LOT of fighting in a marriage and increases communication in every relationship.

[hannahlomara]

With passive agressive communicators, I've always just played dumb. If I get a passive agressive "well done" I will genuinely thank them for their praise. This either forces them to be more up front with their criticism, or shuts them up. This works much better for me as someone who is non-confrontational and highly anxious. It also avoids my anger showing, because I'm not passive aggressive in my anger and criticism at all, I tend to come out with full force, which makes it difficult for me to be tactful and considerate in my confrontations.

[HabitualLover]

I’m a little stuck with this one, because my temper is so hot that I myself have to be passive aggressive in many passive aggressive situations so as not to just flip the entire Erg! Passive aggressive people are lower than even the red horned king of the south, ahem…, and I’d swear on that. I’m glad I at least know why I can’t manage to be truly calm enough to pose a spotlight question in these situations. Knowing means I have a chance of improving it.

[themagicofwater]

The spotlight question " Are you TRYING to say" can be passive aggressive in itself. People often use that question to imply that one is not an effective communicator. When a person asks me that question or someone decides to critique what I feel I have already communicated clearly, I follow up with, " I'm not TRYING to say _ _ _ _ . I said or asked _ _ _ _ . I can ask or rephrase my statement or question if doing so will better help you to understand.

[lynking]

I *rEally* enjoy having your voice in my head, sir; it gives me (your) confidence 😊.

Thank you for all your hard work (tho I feel this may be your passion, and not "work", per se ...). Regardless, you wear it well -- and I am grateful for you 🙏🏻.

[LonjeMarie]

Thank you for your work, and serve as you have taught me so much I was telling my niece yesterday if someone ask you a full this question you can respond and not react. I have told so many people about your YouTube channel.

[GabyLimaaa]

best way to shut down or inflict guilt on anyone who’s making passive aggressive comments is to use a conversation tactic against anyone especially narcissists who love passive aggression when it comes to the comments and claims that they make. All you have to do is really bring attention to the comment by FAKING IGNORANCE, meaning claim innocence and victimize yourself before they do, they want a reaction, and once they get the reaction they wanted, they take on the innocence. So basically entering a clueless mind causes their comment to lose power over time, leading to that person to not want to say things like what they said to you EVER AGAIN.

For example: Let’s say you’ve been struggling to keep up with your diet for a couple of days, you’re at a party with some friends spending the night and in front of you is a bowl of donuts lying around. You eat one because why not, it won’t hurt. Then one of your then friends say “Oh you would go for a second donut.” That’s a passive aggressive comment or a blatant one in this case, how it works is, their is a understanding between the person saying the comment, and the person that their saying it to, Therefore without saying what was said in those blanks, they said “you shouldn’t have another donut because you need to lose more weight/your to fat/your inconsistent with your diet.” ect, whatever the common understanding is that they want you to know. Now, If you TAKE OUT that common understanding, the comment becomes essentially worthless, and weak to be said. And you can actually make the person that said it feel really stupid, or in future response taken, guilty.

Basically all you would have to say is, “I don’t know what you mean by that/I’m confused, what do you mean?”

That will FORCE them to have to explain their passive aggressive comment, in either A, Say the insult bluntly and directly to your face, or B, back down. What you’re doing is you continue to make them describe IN DETAIL what they ment by that comment..

So when you ask them that question, their response is likely to be “oh never mind/nothing/whatever.” But no, that’s their part of the trick, to back you down, close the case, you KEEP going with your tactic. example: “No now i’m curious what did you mean by I would go for another donut/no like i seriously don’t understand what that means?”
Now when you’re saying this, it’s all about ur tone, your approach. I’m not saying do it in a way that’s assertive, and impulsive, it makes you look like you’re saying “How could you say that!/Why would you say it!”
I’m saying come from a place of sheer confusion. They will be forced to make that passive aggressive comment into a direct comment, which they NEVER wanted to do in the first place. Doing these tactics enough with people like this will cause them to lose interest in you, which levels up their respect for you. Because you are in a respectful way pointing out that what they said was not only unsuccessful, but rude and unnecessary.

[georgiachatzitheodoridou]

I love the solutions you're giving. You are amazing!
A person of my husband's side doesn't talk to me ( I don't know why) and when this person meets me at the stairs this person runs or tries to hide etc. I don't do or say anything but it's very annoying and I hate that situation. How am I supposed to behave?

[leaveittothediva]

Like, are you trying to be helpful or hurtful?.

[SarahRejsa-oibq]

Is a spot light question also "i don't I do

[belindahoosech]

I don't understand the spotlight question. Like: "Are you trying to (embarrass me)?" or more like: "Are you trying to (tell me you don't care for nuts in your cookies)?" Or both? The first one does call them out more... the second might be more like a warning shot across their bow?

[Bronte]

The British commenters are very reluctant to employ these tactics. Lol.