With CPTSD, You Can't TRUST Your GUT INSTINCTS

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Everyone says you should trust your gut instincts, follow your heart. This is TERRIBLE ADVICE for people with Complex PTSD. In this video I share 3 letters from fans -- one who is having an affair, one who can't stand her husband's young grandchildren, and one who resents his wife's hoarding behavior. Learn why our gut instincts can actually make CPTSD WORSE, and what you can do to find joy and freedom in your life, even when it's hard.
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[meleshenko]

“A friend is someone who helps his friend do their best in life.” I discovered CPTSD and you kind of recently though I prayed for understanding for decades. It has taken everything from me year-by-year, robbing and pushing me into a corner. And here you are every morning being a friend and encouraging me to do the best I can, explaining how, validating my Hell by telling me I’m not the only one and it’s not my fault. Just wanted to say thank you for being a friend to so many people you’ve never even met. Wish you knew how valuable it is what you do.

[nhanson]

My mother was cheated on by my father she was lovely and adored him. I was the one who kept discovering him with other women (in embraces). I confronted my father about what he was doing. He was a great smoosher and could manipulate anyone. He did that with his women. When I grew up, several married men wanted to date me. I refused. I never want any woman to go through what my mother went through.

[r.p.]

There is a difference between intuition and poor decisions we make based on cptsd. I have been always at a loss when I didn’t follow my intuition. That’s why it’s called in- tuition. But our poor decisions are made in spite of our intuition. On another topic when we are triggered, it’s not intuition. It’s a trigger reaction and it’s high emotion and has a sense of urgency. Intuition is very soft but quite certain knowledge. Almost like a whisper... Very different feel and results.

[vieblu]

CPTSD leaves you with a breadcrumb life, so you create breadcrumb relationships.

[ediedaley]

One truth I learned—in my 50s—is that the times I feel most compelled to speak or to act is exactly the time I should do neither! Trusting my gut means I listen to my inner self, but if there’s compulsion, that is not my best self.

[gpparis]

I feel like it's the opposite. I don't trust my gut when I should. I second guess myself constantly. This has been my problem.

[jlynnmenzel]

The title alone is difficult because while I have CPTSD, I also have incredible intuition. So incredible I haven’t trusted it because abusers have told me I was wrong. I was so intuitive I knew there was problems in my family even tho they lied about it. Not only was emotional neglect and lack of guidance there, but my caretakers constantly discredited my reality by telling me my instincts were wrong. I want to suggest many people struggling with CPTSD can and should trust their intuition vs what others tell them.

[apparently_sonam]

Sometimes it can be hard to make decisions then you end up making none....

[ormorphe]

The worst experiences I’ve EVER endured were because I ignored my gut. 🤔

[sfree]

“Don’t participate in a lie “…such important words and true healing takes place when we heed them.

[amandachilds]

The affair IS NOT LOVE it is TRAUMA BONDING because love requires real respect, and that means trust not lies and deceit. Also if you are bonded this way like an addict then the wife is too probably and maybe even other women because he is probably a covert narcissist! Look it up and get over the love bombing, bread crumbing, future faking, gaslighting and rollercoaster drama. Listen to ANY voice that says DO the right thing because it IS right, even if it hurts!! And get some friends with backbone enough to tell you when you are doing bad for yourself and others because a friend who cannot help you stay accountable is NO TRUE FRIEND, but a yes man. Finally, you are playing a dangerous game. When the wife or kids find out you might get hurt or killed even. It happens all the time and you need enough self respect to decide no man is worth dying for if he cannot even put a ring on it and when he does it means he can still have side pieces like you. Find a man who is loyal and honest, not emotionally manipulative and gets to have his cake and eat it too. If he is lying to his wife then he IS a Liar and lying to you. PERIOD. Words are pretty but ACTIONS speak louder and are REAL things to prove who you can count on.

[laylas]

Regarding the letter from 'Diane'. I realized that it angered me to see young girls treated lovingly by their parents and other adults. (I'm female) - so I get it. In my late 20s I decided to give myself some of the things that my parents never gave me - I thought it would help, and it did. One of those things was a pretty name that was all mine. I went to court and got a new name. The very next day I encountered a young girl (daughter of a friend at work) and I smiled at her without thinking. I had given myself something that I felt I truly needed, and from that day forward, it has been easy to feel kindly towards children. I offer this story because I think it can be helpful to think about what you were not given that makes you angry, and then see if you can give yourself some of what you didn't get as a child. It won't change your childhood - but it might help your today.

[ziggy]

Thank you from my heart ❤️ for this video. My best friend of 51 years had CPTSD and committed suicide. She was never diagnosed with it, however. Every day of her childhood was violent. She was dirt poor, abused and it was awful . I know that to be true. We didn’t know about PTSD unless it was someone in the military. I didn’t know there was CPTSD until after her death. She suspected she had PTSD, however. She said every year her depression seemed to be getting worse. She acted bi-polar (I’m sorry to use names, however it’s descriptive of her moods). Now and again she’d do something “off”, say something cruel or accuse me of something untrue. She had boundary things, as well. She’d confide that she wasn’t sure she might be “bad”. I’d say, “of course you’re not bad”...but she’d say she wasn’t so sure.
Now she’s gone. She was my best best best friend, the light 💡 in my life...she KNEW me, too. We live 2000 miles apart but we talked for hours on the phone. Except when she was “shutdown” as she’d call it ~ those months of depression, in the winter . Then she’d resurface and call ☎️ again. Only this year she didn’t. Every day I expect her to call me. Every day I miss her. I hear her voice in my head. I long for her, so much there’s no words. Suicide is different from any other kind of death. It’s intentional. I knew she’d come close once before but she’s promised never to do that again. She must’ve been in so much pain. I still can’t quite believe it. I’m writing this in case some of you are suffering from depression. My best friend wouldn’t take drugs for it (she was suspicious of medications of any kind). She worked very hard but denied herself of having much at all. She was brilliant, educated and strikingly beautiful. So you see, it’s not how the world perceives us...it’s always how we perceive us. Please don’t end it all ...hang in there. I’m not anyone’s therapist but left behind by someone who had CPTSD. And it’s a lonely place when I need to talk about it & the one person who’d understand isn’t alive to talk it over. Thanks. Delete this if it’s inappropriate. You gave a very good talk today. Grateful for the insights. 😇

[npkrn]

No married man sleeping with you is treating you with respect. If he has any sense of empathy, he knows you deserve an ENTIRE relationship with a WHOLE man and yet he continues to be in your life. You don't respect yourself, so how can you expect anyone else to respect you? You're worth more - and your feelings for him are keeping you from finding that - a better man.

[celesteinman]

If he respected her, his wife may be children or himself, he'd be a man and stop using her. AH

[alisonschmitt]

You tell people constantly in these videos to make sure we have friends for support and guidance.

Making solid long term friends has been one of the greatest unmet challenges of my life.

I’m almost 50 and still have this problem. I attract unavailable or too-busy people, or people who seem to have an initial interest in me, then fizzle out.

It’s like the ultimate catch 22: how do you build a network of friends when you have a condition that ensures you attract unavailable people, and also sometimes sabotage relationships? But then how do you do better without the love and support that those friends might have offered?

[ormorphe]

In regards to needed, genuine friends: it seems like society has really encouraged people to be superficial, has to be “fun“, easy and carefree. Life isn’t all that way. There are serious things that need to be thought about, not complained about, but thought about, discussed, resolved etc.

But if you aren’t vacuous, cheering them on all the time, if you have anything real to say or experience, it scares them.

And then on the other hand, there are those who wallow in self-pity, victimhood, and negativities. Finding someone who is genuine, working on things, respectful, keeps their word, is increasingly challenging to find.

[alisonschmitt]

I hated kids for years and it took me ages to understand that it was because they trigger me like this, and that I was also taught to self-hate as a child and was projecting that self hatred onto other kids.

However I still wouldn’t want kids, or want to be in a relationship where I had to deal with other people’s kids.

That would be overwhelming and disregulating for me.

[kittimcconnell]

THANK YOU FOR SAYING THIS! Panic destroyed my gut instincts. So does craving "safety" or familiarity. I am really fortunate I found my BFF and we support each other thru difficult conversations!

[matais]

I grew up in foster care my parents were heroin addicts. I lived with and aunt for several years but her family was very mean and her husband was very strict and physically abusive when disciplining or losing his temper. My little brother died and I ran way back into foster care. I've had many hard more hard times through my life but I always wanted to be happy. Internally I always suffered greatly but I tried really hard to heal though and never fully succeeded. I became a father two years ago and it really set off some positive changes in me, I healed somehow without trying but now I needed answers. As I've been looking for answers I have found your YouTube channel crappy childhood fairy and it has created amazing realization of myself and my life. Thank you so much for helping us you are amazing.