When Your Trust Is Broken, Past Trauma Flares (Here's What to Do)

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CPTSD conditions you to become depressed, confused and sometimes paralyzed in the face of betrayal. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman whose husband has been poking holes in their condoms, sending her into a spiral of confusion. Learn how trauma from childhood symptoms can be healed when you face lies and deception.
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[rebeccabrown]

Trust is everything. Especially to people who have been traumatized by someone that they trusted.

[lisatoms]

I've been in this situation of wanting a child with someone that didn't want one. He will never be okay with not having children. He will resent you.

[danitiwa]

Stealthing isn’t just abuse, it’s rape, period. Sex without consent is rape. A completely sick thing to do to someone you claim to love. Notice also how she said she respects his bodily autonomy and let him reverse his vasectomy, while he went and did the exact opposite by stealthing. Heinous.

[ameliel]

I used to think you could always give someone another chance and build trust again but had an experience over the last few years that makes me agree with you - sometimes it can never be recovered, and that is such a heartbreaking reality for me to face right now. It just feels so violating.

[simplysarahorganizedesign]

I got married at 19. Stayed in that trauma bonded relationship for 23 years.
Finally divorced and living as a single mom for a year now. He told me I was worthless as a mother and didn’t deserve a life with them. He wanted to keep me small and scared.

There IS a way out!! And no matter how HARD it is, I will choose to hold hope for a brighter future filled with HEALTHY love

[judiroth]

I have been betrayed by everyone in my life starting with my paranoid schizophrenic mother who raised me (no father, ) my ex-husband, my son, a former fiancé, men that I had relationships with, and girlfriends. When I turned 40, I realized I had no clue how to with individuals who treated me with respect. I have Virtually isolated myself in order to insulate from additional pain and betrayal. Not nearly 80 years old, my life is less stressful. Unfortunately, my daughter, who is 51, has never been able to form friendships nor has she ever dated nor had a boyfriend. Her father and his wife were abusive toward her and denied her femininity, lovability and acceptance. (He has many problems surrounding sex.) My daughter is so lonely that it breaks my heart. A lack of confidence, despite her high intelligence, compassion, kindness and good qualities, keeps her from approaching anyone who might spend time with her outside of work. Watching her silently suffer has been my greatest pain of all. Her father betrayed her as a child and young woman. This is the sad result despite decades of therapy.
Anna, thank you for sharing your insight with us troubled women ❤️❤️👏👏🌈❤️❤️

[rosettesionne]

I know a woman who died from a heart attack when she discovered that her husband was cheating on her but majority of my surroundings told me that ALL mens are cheaters and that if women are unable to accept that then they should never get married (In simple term minimizing the husband behaviors and blaming the wife) I was later told that when you are in a relationship with someone never put your full trust in the person because in case he/she deceive you, it wouldn't hurt that much and in my head it was like... What is the point on being in a relationship then?

[ChristianOne]

THANK YOU for calling out the push-pull dynanic for what it is... emotional abuse that causes trauma bonds to form in others. Yes, even a co-dependent can be unintentionally abusive. So grateful you didn't let that escape notice. Glad you called it ❤

[stacyjaye]

Trust, so hard-earned, so easily broken, so very hard to repair. 😥

[saskiaguy]

Married for 25 years to a high-functioning alcoholic who I cannot trust. It’s awful. I feel so stuck but am working hard on myself to heal from CPTSD so I can emotionally regulate and not fall into fear of abandonment, which makes me SO desperately want to stick us back together again. Age 50 is hard to think about the possibility of needing to make a choice one day to separate/divorce because of the progression of his drinking. I hate his drinking with everything in me, but also have learned compassion for his pain. The denial drives me nuts, though. My dad was also an alcoholic (but a violent one), so I’ve lived with it my entire life. Thankful for Al-Anon/therapy/CCF that keep me sane! 🙏🏼

[KAT-dgel]

I would’ve given him his freedom as soon as he had his vasectomy reversed. I would tell him, It seems you’ve changed your mind regarding children so go ahead and find someone that wants the same things you do.
Edit-My interpretation of him saying, he’s going to have to mourn the loss of the children he never had, is just a guilt trip to make her feel bad.
He didn’t have to stay in that marriage and try to constantly control and manipulate her into giving him what he wants.
She shouldn’t trust him. Move on!

[stevec]

My reaction regarding broken trust is to fall into a confused and sorrowful state. Still learning to understand early rejections and compensating behaviors, ...giving trust away seems natural for me (I tend to cling as well). At least I now have the tools to recognize the 'trust trap' earlier rather than later. It sadly has cost me dearly in the past: emotionally, financially, and psychologically.

[caurbine]

This sounds exactly like my ex girlfriend. We dated for 6 months. It was great at first. We fell for each other and in a genuine manner. But then almost overnight, she got cold. Push pull, hot cold, off and on and she was unwilling to be accountable to how that affected me. I even broke up with her because my needs weren’t getting met. She sent me a message exclaiming her love and how she wants to keep seeing me. I took her back.

She had already dated someone before. So I didn’t think id be a rebound. She was 5 months out of a 5 year relationship and she still trained at the same gym as him. After she started being untrustworthy, I finally ended it. I was very hurt by this and some words were said in anger (no name calling, but still not nice things) I’m not proud of it.

A few weeks after the breakup, I stopped by her place to drop off a card that said sorry. Her ex’s truck was there. I knocked on the door and gave her the card and left.

This breakup hurt worse than my previous divorce did. I felt like my trust, energy, and values were stomped on. I felt (and still feel) used and that she never actually loved me.

So I am im the same situation as this woman’s new boyfriend. And from my experience, This man is set up to have his heart broken. So please be responsible out there people.

[r.p.]

It's also called Flashback. I tell myself: we are ' flashbacking!' and I then calm down because I accept the flashback...

[tamaragraham]

Disorganized attachment is pure hell. I have fought for things/people I do not want my whole life when I pushed things to end, because I didn't want it. I would then find myself flipping and fighting for it. It's maddening. When you finally get a grip on what it is, how you respond, and how to work through it, the madness begins fade and you start making decisions outside of trauma. Keep loving yourself and keep on the healing journey. You will pull yourself out of the madness. ❤️❤️

[MsCaterific]

When I recently figured out that I don't even trust myself, how can I after allowing so much toxicity in my life, I realized I needed to learn to have a better relationship with myself. I don't know if I'll ever heal enough to ever be in a romantic relationship or a friend ever again. This saddens my heart 💔

[madelinemaize]

I stopped trusting anyone around age 8. Everyone betrays you, no need to be sad or hurt, just don't count on anyone to give a crap.

[dwermes]

Holy hell, this is 90% my current circumstances!! Except I married at 31, was the one who didn't want kids but gave in to what hubs wanted, and the man I'm interested in now has been 1000% supportive without pressure and is even willing to giving up our relationship for my marriage.

[JennyNobody]

I gotta tell you I had the most profound progress after reading Pete Walker. I’m almost 100% confident that because I read him before doing EMDR the EMDR worked better

[sgwfqos]

So... His mother is involved... Hmm 🤔 I guess a lot of his hectic behavior could result from her covert influence, I would look into that first. When a husband and his mother unite against the daughter-in-law it kinda never ends well. Moreover, how can one continue any relationship after such crazy stuff? It's more healthy for the girl to get rid of both men for a while and put her life together, for her own sake. Much love ❤