3 Types of Emotional Deprivation and Neglect

*****
In this clip from Tim's Complex Trauma Prisons series, he goes over the 3 types of emotional deprivation or neglect someone may experience who is trapped in a cycle of being attracted to emotionally unavailable people.

*****
Join our YouTube channel!
Your membership supports Tim Fletcher Co.'s mission to change the landscape of recovery for all

Understand the Development of Complex Trauma in Your Life
Online Course: 12 Basic Needs

Discover how Addictions are Formed and Find Healthy Ways to Cope
Online Course: Addictions + Complex Trauma

Learn How to Parent Yourself and a Child with Complex Trauma
Online Course: Parent Bootcamp

Ready to Dig Deep and Learn Tools to Recover From the Negative Effects of Complex Trauma?
Check out LIFT, Our Most Popular Complex Trauma Recovery and Healing Program!
LIFT Live Online Learning
LIFT Self-Study

Connect with us:

---
DISCLAIMER:
Tim Fletcher is not a doctor or licensed therapist. Tim’s videos are for informational purposes only to provide understanding, learning, and awareness about complex trauma. No information published here can replace professional evaluation, diagnosis, or treatment.

[TimFletcher]

💜 Please be aware of scammers impersonating Tim or the Tim Fletcher team! We do not provide any phone numbers in the comments and Tim does not chat privately with viewers. We will never ask you to join us on a messaging app. When in doubt, reach out to us via our website at timfletcher.ca. Stay safe and scam-aware. With Love, The Tim Fletcher Team.

[joannegild]

Wow, my parents were really absent in all 3 ways and I never realized how bad that was for me until recently. I was fed, clothed and housed. That’s it.

[kimsnyder]

All three... my mom loved to tell me how there was something inherently wrong with me that made me unlovable while sitting there cuddling my brother and showering him with affection. That was one of the nicer stories of my childhood.

[marshallrobinson]

All three. Providing for me was my father's definition of Love.

[elgetaharris]

I had no parents, but I was raised with cold older siblings and occasionally my wicked grandmother.
I was stranded and remained quiet throughout my childhood and young adulthood to survive.

[nancyhagan]

a lot of us parents 40 years ago were not taught emotional needs of a child
we fed the child and put down to sleep
we were taught if he fell down he dusted himself off and start all over again
there was a song to that
i am glad i am still alive at 74 to learn these new things to share with others
thank you so much

[izzyostrov]

All 3 apply to me.
My mom was emotionally blocked off, with no huggs, kisses, and i was hardly held.

My dad was an unpleasant man who was very criticle with an intense bitterness. I would rather go to school sick than stay home with him.

Thankfully I'm healing.

[cor-cddt]

When I look back upon certain memories, I am now able to better register the reactions of other adults to my family. As a kid I thought the pained looks were because I was such a git. Now I know that they were unsettled not by me, but by my family over or under reacting to a situation. I even remember a few outsiders advocating greater temperance. They were usually ignored. Though sometimes my family did show a shame-face and back off. So I disagree that parents in the past did not know much about tending the emotional needs of children. Other kids had families that had a better handle on it than mind did. I could see that.

Character formation [emotional attunement] of the child is one of the parent's biggest jobs. Creating legacy [guidance] is another, where the parent works to make life better for their children than they themselves had. Averting problems [protection] due to emotional outbursts or misunderstandings has always been a big part of parenting because children need to learn emotional regulation in order to survive as adults. These demands go back to before Bible days and are mentioned in the Bible. Maybe most folks were not psychoanalysts in the making, and they didn't use the same terms we do, but they knew that forming emotional maturity was part of parenting. Because how else would your sons and daughters go on to have their own jobs and families?

The parents who I know to be emotionally neglectful also tend to be selfish all around (something they tend to hide from others, so they know it is not admirable). To the point where they are willfully unaware because they will ignore breakdowns in front of them. Or when the parent gets a clue that there is a problem, then because they have not tended their own inner life, they have no practice tuning in to others' emotional lives. Therefore they are too immature to actually help. But they don't see themselves as immature. They see themselves as enlightened. In their pride, they spout platitudes and call it great wisdom on their part. Then when their simplistic solution doesn't cut it, they throw up their hands in defeat and claim they "did all they could.". Other adults nod and make sympathetic murmurs, but now I wonder how much they really concur. When I was a kid I thought everyone was taking my folk's side, but today I see that people know crappy parenting when they see it. It is just the complexities of adult social life that keep them from remarking on it and that confuses the matter for kids.

[octaviahh]

Yup, my sister and I have experienced all three. My mother was emotionally deprived too but it doesn't make me any less angry at her for continuing to pass on trauma KNOWING what it feels like and doing nothing to change it.

[vlyeskj]

Praying for our healing and deliverance!

[eim]

Here's one: my parents gave me direction, but didn't have any follow up my emotional needs when I'm trying to walk the path they wanted.
Again: my parents taught me about God and righteousness in keeping his commandments, but whenever i had a problem or episode it was always, "go to God, " which i DID & DO to this day & I always will..
But as the went by, the intimacy disappeared becuz they made themselves useless other than physical care (food, rent, clothes, etc) so when i became distant af my remaining parent was very confused while I'm tryna explain YOU DID THIS!😅

[AbiBrown-qk]

no support, no hugs or kisses, no love- seen but not heard. As my parents grew older, they wondered why some of my siblings had a hard dealing with them

[passinthru]

Yep, from childhood and expanded into adulthood with narc hubs. We have a tendency for hookups with mates like the narc parent(s). Life has been so challenging.

[minooluna]

Protection is needed in early adulthood too and also later in life when you face difficulties and family is needed.

[South_Heat]

My father actively despised and was disgusted by what I had to say and ultimately who he believed me to be. Which is pretty wild given I was a child but in his mind I was foul. Projection really cos the truth is that he had a pretty warped mind when all’s said and done.

[catherinewilson]

I had a psychologist briefly about 7 years ago after I finally got out of an abusive relationship. I told her that I was neglected when I was a child. Her response; no you weren’t!!! How do I deal with a professional that behaves like that??? I believe that she simply didn’t like me. I also researched what kind of training psychologists have in the province I was living in and discovered that psychologists did NOT have to undergo their own 😮😮😮
Yes, I was emotionally neglected! I was adopted at 6 months for starters and my Mum must not have received any emotional love herself. I received no physical affection, no guidance, no empathy whatsoever. WTF!!!

[lilaccilla]

my mom was demonstrating only to her boys really . They got all the physical hugs and emotional support. She did not know how to relate to her female children. She mentions that her brother Bob was verbally abused at the dinner table by her Dad . She said she couldn't eat it upset her as a child . I know that is why she wanted to pour love into her little boys . But I was treated like her brother, she repeated his verbal abuse onto me . Everyone went along with it and demonized me too . She would not ever admit to hurting me . One day her own mother got very angry at her . She stood up and pounded her fist on the table . She said to my mom , "Don't You talk to her like that !!!! " I was completely caught off guard as No One Had Ever Called her out on it before ! her own mother could see what she had been doing to me though. Finally I had a support system . My dad had divorced her when I was 14 . and she got much worse with overreacting to everything I did . or said . My Dad had never called her out but he had a great calming effect on her so she never went crazy . But when he left all her projections on me became more severe. Sending me away . to 3 different places .isolated me from my own family .

[ancabostinariu]

Criticizing me was my father s definition of love.

[ЛаврентийИбрагимов]

this video literally came in the perfect moment in my life, love you

[CreativeArtandEnergy]

I’ve been processing heavy stuff around this and trying protect my own sensitivity.