Most people DON'T WANT RELATIONSHIPS: understanding the decline in romantic relationships

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The rates of sex and marriage -- especially among young adults -- have fallen to historically unprecedented lows and show no signs of stopping. Why is this happening? My theory is that most people don't really want relationships. Rather: they want what relationships can get them. And if they can get those things more easily, more cheaply, and more safely in other places than relationships, they will do so. In this episode, I make a case that this is precisely what men and women are doing, albeit in different ways.

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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.

#relationship #psychology #dating

[psychacks]

The rates of sex and marriage -- especially among young adults -- have fallen to historically unprecedented lows and show no signs of stopping. Why is this happening? My theory is that most people don't really want relationships. Rather: they want what relationships can get them. And if they can get those things more easily, more cheaply, and more safely in other places than relationships, they will do so. In this episode, I make a case that this is precisely what men and women are doing, albeit in different ways.

Social Media



Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community:

Book a paid consultation:

Sponsor an episode:

Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com

Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.

#relationship #psychology #dating

[Onlooker]

You summed-up in 9 minutes what all the talk shows, relationship channels and the government can’t figure out. There’s nothing of value for either party in relationships anymore. We are truly a broken society.

[hannahk.summerville]

Most people also don't really want friendships anymore. They want someone to entertain them when they have time.

[Vapourwear]

Not just relationships but generally, I often find myself thinking “there’s nothing for me, here.”

[karochan]

Once upon a time I dreamt of love, companionship, just really sharing a deep connection with that special someone...I totally gave up because of stupid mind games, hookup culture and insincerity....being single is so much more peaceful

[randm]

Absolutely spot on. I'd also add that instead of wanting a relationship, too many people nowadays just want their own personal validation provider.. They want all of the perks of having partner without any of the sacrifice, compromise, self-improvement, and understanding the other person's needs. Not enough people truly know how to GIVE anymore, it's all "me, me, me"

[SPACEDOUT]

I wont lie, i just love being single, its so peaceful

[trueblue]

I'm a loner and I love being single. From what I've seen and experienced, the majority of Men and Women seem to be good at betraying and deceiving each other. I'd rather be alone then go through that.

[ProJMFPWT]

People carry a lot of unresolved traumas that makes it difficult to build healthy connections, bonds, and a sense of trust.

[sideman]

Relationships are hard work in most cases. It takes both parties giving it 100%, but oftentimes one party is giving more than the other—and not the same one every time. The unrelenting drama can be debilitating.

[orsoloro]

Wow, the first time I can hear a real explanation of how social media is a horrible trap for so many women. And for us all...
Thank you !

[Snoop_Dugg]

In the past, when marriage was sacred and protected, divorce discouraged, it provided the guard rails for both men and women to not only get together, but also stay together.

[theharshtruth]

I've been in relationships throughout my 20's and into my early 40's.
I looked back at how my happiest and most productive years were
when I was single. The longer I stayed single, the happier I was.

Now I'm 55 and my mortgage is paid off, I run my own successful
business, I'm healthy and fit and life is very good. I credit that to
staying single and avoiding the stress of living up to someone
else's expectations of me while being in a relationship that I get
absolutely nothing out of.

Life is only as good as your life choices.

[LaneTheBrane]

We crave human connection and relationships but not with toxic and abusive people

[SteelSaint]

Every day I wake up, I regret social media, the internet and all of the mechanisms that facilitate this paradigm.

[chadguindon]

I have never wanted romantic partnership, I never had the desire for marriage either.

[jakelesnake]

Everyone's bemoaning this state of affairs as if relationships always used to be great and we're just too lazy to bother these days. I remember seeing my grandparents relationship and finding it depressing even as a small child. My parents spent a lot of time shouting at each other, even though we had some good times too, but in the end my dad left for someone else and has had a completely miserable relationship for the last 30 years. My own limited experience has been extremely lacklustre. People are doing what's rational, the same people that maintained what I'm sure were often very unhealthy relationships in the past would act precisely the same as the people rejecting relationships today given the same circumstances. People are just people. If people are rejecting relationships it's very likely because in fact most relationships suck and it's a good thing there are less of them.

[marcomarterer]

"It would never leave him, and it would never hurt him, never shout at him, or get drunk and hit him, or say it was too busy to spend time with him. It would always be there. In an insane world, it was the sanest choice." Sarah Connor

[tigerbear]

This is a good video especially when you talk about how men are afraid of the risk. I hope women understand that if a man is hesitant in investing financially into a woman (whether it's paying for dates, dinners, marriage, etc.), it's not necessarily because he's cheap or stingy but because of the financial risk that's involved. In an alternate universe where I am offered an absolute guarantee that the love of my life will stay with me forever but this guarantee costs me more than half my net worth, I will take this offer without hesitation and without skipping a beat . But since in our reality, the risk is too high, which forces me to be more prudent with my finances, I am accused of being cheap and stingy by women. I also hope women understand that if they want men to spend money on them then they need to find ways to make a man feel secure about his finances and this could mean making the man feel like you're not a leech.

[monkeymule]

The fact that we've reduced our relationships, and not just our romantic, to "transaction opportunities" is, in itself, rather the problem.