Why do narcissists put you down or hurt your feelings for no reason? | The Narcissists' Code Ep588

Why do narcissists put you down or hurt your feelings for no reason?

Welcome my channel! If this is your first time seeing my face or hearing my voice, my name is Lee and I am a self aware narcissist. I have narcissistic personality disorder ( NPD ) and I've been in therapy for my personality disorder since 2017 and it has definitely changed my life because without it, I would have lost everything.

The point of these videos is to help bring awareness from the other side of the narcissistic *buse spectrum. All my videos give perspective on why many narcissists do what they do and the possible different reasons behind them. The victims and survivors get validation and the Narcissists (those that are willing) get to see that you can get help and that you are not alone.

Thank you so much

[covert_warrior]

D.E.E.P.= don't engage, don't explain, don't personalize

[barbarahering]

Can’t elevate yourself by putting others down

[katharinagroe]

I used to just laugh at his insults, because they were so ridiculously not me, that I didn't even feel insulted.

[angelakeely]

My guess is, the reason narcissists put you down is because no 1 they don't like themselves very much, no 2, if they can project onto you their feelings of inadequacy, they then can feel better about themselves. Just a guess 😏

[brianf]

I always wondered why my older brother would say negative things about my modest success and was never happy for me. Thanks Lee.

[kathie]

Because they are envious of the character that you have that they don't have. They don't understand why but they just don't have it. I had to learn this and accept this about my own daughter..she will put me down but then copy what I just said or did. It's heartbreaking and hard to accept.

[Clevelandsteamer]

They are jealous of you. They can’t actually believe that a person can genuinely be happy. Misery loves company.

[loiswhite]

I watched a loved one deal with a narc for over a year and suspected that what you were saying was true. He was dismissive about her successes, he seemed negatively triggered by her happiness, and absolutely hated it when she got compliments, which was often. He knew who she was when he pursued and married her. He presented a completely different character that changed abruptly when they got married. Maybe he thought marrying a high value woman while pretending to be a high value man would
actually make him
a high value man. It doesn’t, or at least it didn’t in his case. The good news is that she escaped that situation and her life is SO much better. It’s a relief to see her happy and flourishing again.

[quinnemilepoe]

My narc is half-aware. Admitted he needed to always be 2 steps ahead of me without me knowing. I said “do that all you want, you’re alone playing that game, I’m just sat here in my bubble not looking at you”

[serenadonelson]

Yep, Lee is spot in. This is especially true when a narc can’t accept their own faults/weaknesses. Say if they have some type of anxiety, they sill project that onto you in some way shape or form. This is especially damaging when it is a caretaker to a child, and like what Lee said, consider the source. Jealousy is also a culprit. You get a new great job opportunity, they will shoot it down. It is sick, but narcissism is a mental illness.

[toniwilliams]

I stopped telling him about my successes towards the end. He was very negative…

[Cellia]

My grandmother always told me consider the source Kris. That always stayed with me too and that makes perfect sense to me Lee. When he was yelling at me and calling me all kinds of names, I told him. I'm sorry that you feel that way about yourself. I know what you're saying to me, is how you feel inside about yourself. I have learned not to take it so personally even though it does hurt though. Thank you for this video Lee!

[komatsu]

Told the narc ex I am graduating he just kept quiet. So yeah they will never cheer you on. Not because they can't but they just won't to hurt you.

[salema]

It takes their flaws away. The "insecure, low self esteem" isnt there anymore. They will lie about themselves doing amazing and being in an amazing space just to make you feel powerless and inferior. But I felt embarrassed for my m.i.l . It's evil as well... they're competitive. They run themselves into the ground, unless you're lee who actually has the guts to do the work

[Fatemaforlife]

Being emotional means you're passionate about your work. That's a good thing.

[mzlaniet]

“Look at the source”. Absolutely true.

[mag]

My narc brother does this. I posted a picture on FB and he made a degrading comment. I ended up blocking him and he has the nerve to call me up like nothing asking when he's going to meet my newborn son. He's never going to change, he's grown. I kept the talk short and I hung up without a good bye.

[surlif]

You are amazing. Why on earth would anyone say you are too emotional!! Jealousy?? That is what I think. Whoever said that is so GREEN!! Or just wanting to take their hurt out on you like you explained this very day.

For the first time in decades of narc abuse from a whole family of in-laws, I am going to say they were envious. In the beginning, it did not occur to me to be competitive and constantly think about if I was one-upping. I didn't brag to them about some very successful members of my family. The insults started the week of the wedding when they started meeting my family and seeing the gorgeous church, my friends, my wedding dress, and especially the expertly done reception. I had not see this side of any one of the narc family I was marrying into. I was humiliated and hurt. But that was just the beginning of the craziness. I look back now and see it is like they went to a University whose specialty is covert narcissism and got triple PHD's in it and minors in passive aggressive tactics. How did I let those people get me to where I barely functioned enough to just make it through the day doing a bit of cleaning and a bit of cooking and so depressed I wished I was dead every day. One thing that was so awful is I couldn't make decisions and got fat and wore whatever I could find at a garage sale. They got me!!! They KNEW how to get me down and they did it. I am better but sometimes I still wished I was dead. Thank you for all you do, Mental Healness!!!!

[SR]

This is timely I was just think about the put downs I endured when he didn't get what he wanted. It was so hurtful. I use to internalize it. It brought me down so much. I loved him and cared so much about this person so I took it on. As within so without. They feel bad so they project that. So glad he's out of my life. I've been understanding the source and detaching.

[cathyh]

That 1 star review/attack is an ideal example of what you are talking about in this video.