Why Crushes are So Painful

Crushes are a fascinating aspect of human life. They have a tendency to reduce even the most rational person to a neurotic mess. But what exactly is it that makes a crush so powerful and so painful, and why do we get them? Well, this question is explored in detail in Stendhal's magnificent book On Love. And we will explore this very topic in this video.

00:00 A Touch of Irrationalism
01:43 Crystallisation and Fantasy
08:24 Love's Labour's Lost (and Won)
15:09 Identity, Vanity, and Ego
21:26 Dignifying the Crush

[adamc]

"If you spend your time chasing butterflies, you will never get any. If you are instead spending your time into building a beautiful garden, the butterflies will come, and if they don't, you will still have your beautiful garden."

[jerryshanecoldwell]

This is why the “ick” is such a big thing today. People have these wild fantasies about their crushes and soon they see that they are merely flawed and human, and then they no longer see them as they once did. They gave them the “ick”.

[BlackVulcanX]

People told me to treat crushes like I would treat others. So I did, by avoiding them, knowing that they're not attracted to me.

[Hannah-yxmb]

Someone once told me "a crush is a lack of information"

[giniwelle]

I was hurting for months until I read a quote online which goes; "You can knock on a deaf man's door forever." And that hit me hard. Now Im getting back slowly.

[idriskvr]

I read "why crutches are so painful" and still was interested enough to click on the video.

[toscadonna]

I’ve never had a crush like me back, and once I realized that, I just enjoyed the crush for what is was, a fantasy, and didn’t let it get to me. It’s like your own personal movie in your head that is far better off never coming to life, anyway, because your fantasy of someone is always better than the reality of them. The issue is when you take your crush so seriously that you assign deleterious meanings to the lack of reciprocity. It doesn’t have to harm your self esteem, since self esteem comes from within.

[ASEEKEROF_TRUTH]

THE TIMING, I WAS LITERALLY JUST FEELING THIS

[jegr]

Do not build a fantasy about your crush in your head, that's a bad mistake. I'm talking about imagining going out with this person, falling in love, getting married, having kids, etc.. As far as your mind might take it. Because you build up this delusion and your crush has no idea about any of this. Then the person who built the fantasy can feel betrayed and feel irrational anger when the crush rejects them, it can lead to harassing, stalking, and other bad behaviors. It's a bad road to go down

[keiththorpe]

When first we fall in love with someone, we imagine them standing on an idealized pedestal, with soft, golden light illuminating their features to optimum effect...Not sitting on the toilet dropping a deuce.

[eatpraybrightboquet]

You've been absolutely crushing it lately

[_aconite_cj_]

Imagine your crush telling you that crushes are painful like yeah I know UnsolicitedAdvice 😔✋

[lizardofthestars]

The most gratifying thing was telling my friend that I had a crush on her, and hearing that she felt the same. Looking back, we were both incredibly obvious about our feelings for one another, but we were both so intensely in our own heads that we couldn’t fathom the idea of it being mutual. We have been dating for over half a year lol.

[randomguyontheinternet]

Its weird realizing how even just thinking you might like someone or having an interest in them can be entirely different than crushing on someone.

[Tiffany-ovjf]

Once we develop a crush but realise that it's being unreciprocated, it's no longer about genuinely liking them but more about validating our ego

[ashley-vzdt]

7:13 "the day after you stole my heart, everything i touched told me it would be better shared with you, " says a great poet 🙃

[ms.chicolato]

my (ex) crush introduced me to this channel, legit crying

[ninanano]

Best thing against crushes? Telling your crush you have crushed. It will be painful if you get rejected for a night or two or longer, depending on how long you secretly crushed but you'll also feel relieved and back to yourself and your heart will be healed soon enough. Far less pain than the everyday thoughts 'if we were together' and you finally stop distracting yourself from yourself, your life, your own stuff. You'll otherwise forever be stuck with your one-sided attachment, without the chance to resolve and evolve into new connections wth other people who may share your feelings

[tedcleveland]

Crush is your imaginary lover. Any imagination that doesn’t matches with your reality is hurt..

[wellberightback]

Didn’t need to explore my heart like that, but I’m grateful nonetheless