so you have a crush

Songs used are from Housecat:

SOURCES

Unrequited Love Study: Baumeister, Roy & Wotman, Sara & Stillwell, Arlene. (1993). Unrequited Love: On Heartbreak, Anger, Guilt, Scriptlessness, and Humiliation. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 64. 377-394. 10.1037/0022-3514.64.3.377.

[MrSandManBringMeADream]

having crushes really sucks. it's basically not even my choice, it's my subconscious weirdo feelings. i feel vulnerable

[contextwithjohnmalone]

Have you heard the parable about a man who searched the world to find the woman of his dreams? In short he journeyed all over the globe to finally find the woman of his dreams and when he explains this to her, she responds, “but you’re not the man of mine”.
Crushes can be quite the conundrum.

[jaetrnn]

This is quite interesting. If you find yourself constantly preoccupied with crush in mind, it could stem from a lack of intimacy in your life. This could also be a result of a fear of emotional closeness and vulnerability with others. If you fall into this category. Having a crush and daydreaming about a crush is sort of your minds way of meeting a need for intimacy without the nitty gritties.

[sheilaya]

i remember once hearing that a crush is just a lack of information. i’ve kept this perspective in mind since then and it’s helped not to idealize people/ view them through rose colored glasses.

[BipinbhaiDadhav]

The fact that nobody talks about the forbidden book Flirtosphere Seduction on Vexoner speaks volumes about how people are stuck in a trance

[notsadsisyphus]

ITS DIFFICULT IMAGINING SISYPHUS HAPPY THESE DAYS BRO HELP

[okay]

It is funny how our crushes prosper in our dreams.

[Alexander-ncvy]

It is quite scary how well timed these videos are.

Edit: Why am I getting so many likes for stating the obvious? Is what I said really that original?

[ginogonzalez]

It seems as though the ones we crush on have traits that we may desire within ourselves. Realizing this feels nice

[tactical_asterisk]

tip to talk to crushes: DON'T talk to them through text all the time. It's better to talk to them physically so you can connect with them more.

[sunken]

Hey so I want Sisyphus to know that he probably was a large chunk of pulling me out of being in a almost depression like state, the smooth jazz with the philosophy is just so nice to hear keep up the work

[balazsadam]

Dude, I think you just saved me.
I've had (hopefully in past tense) a massive crush on one of my best friends for a while now. It has gotten really bad lately and I had a breakdown just yesterday. And then I watch your video, and recognize that I've been feeling exactly the way you described. When you said that the person being crushed on often times suffers more than the person having the crush, my heart sank. I would never want to hurt her, and I didn't realize that maybe I was.
I did indeed experience massive personal growth thanks to her, and that is exactly why I owe it to her to let her go.
Thank you so much for this wake up call, I sorely needed it.

[yare]

I had a crush on a girl for years, we were good friends, but our friendship consisted merely of chatting online. I know it's cringy but I used to daydream about her. And since I was at the lowest point of my life at the time, she became my motivation to get out of it.

And at some point she started to show interest in me, so, when I realized that she was flirting and that she was probably into me it felt as if the doors of heaven had opened as if all my illusions and dreams could finally come true.
But quickly I had the shocking realization that my feelings were in fact not true love, but a desire to feel validated by that person I had over-idealized in my head for years. This made me feel terribly guilty as if I was betraying her for not being able to love her fully.

However, I took the courage to ask her out, and we had a few dates. "Oh, she's a real person after all, she's not a product of my imagination" That's what I thought every time I saw her. And then, after getting to know her in a real, physical, context I can say that I fell in love with her as she truly is.

But things were not going well, we were both very uncomfortable with each other's presence (not at all times, but more on a subconscious level), and neither of us had the courage to assert the problem and discuss it directly.
So, as I realized that I was losing her, I started to feel extremely anxious and disoriented. I was under so much stress that all of my insecurities that I was so desperately trying to hide, shouted in my face. At this point, it felt like all my fears were coming true.

I told her how I was feeling and then she simply rejected me lol XD. In the end, she was into me, but she didn't have the same level of commitment that I had, and I completely understand the reasons why.

Accepting the fact that all was lost was probably one of the hardest things I've ever gone through. And although it hurt me to the core of my soul, I felt a relief that I had never felt before, now I can finally be at peace with myself like all of my problems and my traumas are gone.

10/10 experience, would never do it again, but I learned tons of things about myself that otherwise, I would have ignored forever. Looking back I can see all of my mistakes, so I know can solve my future (or at least I hope so).

Would I date that girl again? Yes, I know that I could completely fall in love with her again, but I think that I could also fall in love with other people. And she has probably lost all respect for me so I know I have no chance.


Edit:
Ok so, after all this time I realized that I was feeling desperate to date her because months ago she had shared posts on Facebook about suicide. I never asked her directly about it because I was too scared to talk to her about such a sensitive topic, but many times I tried to speak about it with her without success.

I fell into the trap of "wanting to save her life", but in the process, I stopped treating her like a woman and I started to behave more like a therapist, and I caused a lot of trouble and confusion to her. She was trying to open my heart and I was trying to open a pandora's box. That's the reason why we were so uncomfortable at times, and why her rejection was at the same time so crushing and so relieving.

So, three months after she rejected me, I ran into her at the cinema by chance, and in a rush of adrenaline and raw courage I spoke to her. At first, she was mad at me because of how I made her feel (I had never seen her so angry before), and I apologized. Then I asked her about those Facebook posts and she was like "why didn't you ask me before? Those were simply memes", and to be honest after hearing those words I felt a huge relief. Then, we kept talking and I asked her if it was over, but she didn't give me closure.

So, once again I don't know how to feel about her. I'm happy that she's alright (that's all that matters to me right now), and I think it would be extremely disrespectful of me to keep pursuing a relationship. So, for now, I think it is wiser to let time dictate our fate.

[WaterAirandZinc]

every time i have been involved in a crush, it's been unrequited. i've been on both sides and honestly they both suck. either you have to turn someone down and thus hurt their feelings (terrible experience if you already are friends/generally have a good view of them), or you're the one who has to deal with all the self-inflicted repercussions of a fantasy you made up in your own mind. there's no winning :')

[FLopesVieira]

Crushes are the best. They motivate you to work on yourself they drive you to be better and become a better person. You just have to respect that the other person is an actual person and not an object of your fantasy. Be nice to them without needing their love back towards you. Appreciate the qualities that make you crush over them. Don't let your feelings explode out on them. Max you can do is check if they would be interested in hanging out or moving the relationship to a more romantic step. But never tell them you love them or that you want to spend your life with them. Be respectful of their individuality.

[purplehaze]

Am I the only person who's never actually had any negative feelings during a crush? I've never felt depressed, obsessed, or anything like that - never had a strong feeling of longing - just being attracted to them and very happy that they were in my life regardless of whether they felt the same.

[mitthrawnuruodo]

In my current situation, it’s a workplace crush. Over the past 4 months she caused me to get out of my shell, overcome my social anxiety, become better at managing my life, etc, . She literally is making me a better man. Yet at the same time i feel like it’s the “right person at the wrong time” situation. I can’t seem to get over her yet I feel like im not quite ready to pursue anything yet. I’m not the man I want to be yet, I still have to focus on my career, still so much to do. Most of all im worried that if I don’t do anything now, I might lose the chance of something potentially great. It’s a mental battle between love and logic. It’s frustrating to be in love…

[bigboibebop]

“Life is pretty boring without a crush”
Damn sis, you’re really gonna start this one of with a kick to the balls?

[officiallyjk]

I love the reframing of a crush as something that you feel is lacking in yourself. Self care and improvement go so far. The right person will add what you never knew you needed instead of filling a void

[Psychalgia]

Remember yall, texting is for setting up time to see each other. It is nigh impossible to foster conversation and reciprocal feelings over text.