Neglectful narcissists & co-parenting

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[addy]

The hardest thing is being a single parent when you are married—which means that you have to be BOTH parents: stretched thin, always ‘on, ’ exhausted.

[MsShannaK]

It’s very exhausting realizing you’re the only safe parent. I refuse to get this wrong for my girls. They’re watching this go down so intently and I am breathing through this stage in our lives……. Very carefully . These videos have helped me confirm that I’m really not crazy and sensitive. Sensitive…. Yes but not crazy . It hurts when you love so hard and try to keep picking the pieces up only to wake up and take a look around and seeing you’re completely alone.

[smiley]

This quote tho!!! “Narcissistic people cannot be bothered by other people”.
Being a co-parent with a neglectful narcissist hurts so bad! Seeing the lack of interest and over time seeing the children have the realization their father has minimal or no interest in their lives. It is heartbreaking and exhausting!!!

[milanaschaffer]

Just thankful that his neglect allows for the children to be with me more. His neglect has become a blessing - my predetermined choice is that I am happy to always take the kids. It’s hard for them yes, but they have me and community and we will survive

[dragonflyerikson]

In the last 8 years of self-imposed celibacy I haven't felt as lonely and hopeless as I did when I was married. Watching videos on narcissists is explaining everything I experienced.

[Reimidust]

It feels so good to hear someone talk about the struggles I’ve gone through having a baby with such a person, thank you. I thought I was just crazy.

[bioalma]

My parents are neglectfull narcissists. It was horible being 'raised' by them. No love, only "do this, do that, smile!" We had no bond, only obligations, they convinced us that we owed them everything, and should thus do whatever they told us to do. No celebrations unless it was to impress others. Family pictures were manditory with smile, no choice. *They really only had kids to make themselves look better.* Add "being a good parent" to their resume. They never wanted to raise us, only let us live, so we could say "We have good parents!" to their friends. They really had the audacity to make us say that, and tell us not to "lie" when we said the truth. I have cut contact with them, and have no intentions of reconecting with them

[janettravers]

And there it is. I’m divorced now for 3 years…the 18 years of raising our children I did alone. Everything you said is correct, unfortunately, however, now I can truly admit I had to work twice as hard for my kids to make up for their father’s unfathomable lack of interest in them. Thank you as always. It was so exhausting and sad to see my kids look to their father for attention, so I amped it up x2. The only thing I would add, is the uninterested narcissistic parent will ALWAYS say they did a “great” job if (as was my case) they supported the family financially OR they made more money than the other parent, hence they are more important. It takes more than money. Also, they have kids because their family of origin expects them to and they want to look good. Sorry. Sad but true.

[True-w]

They don't want to be seen as deadbeats but they are. If it inconveniences him any way to do something for his son he won't do it. He wanted to get a new job that made it impossible for him to have time with him. He didn't care. Said his other two didn't ever see him so my son was the only one he had to worry about so no big deal. Luckily my son is 5 and doesn't really care if he sees him or not anymore here lately.

[abluemuse]

Neglect and abandonment are horrible emotions to endure for anyone... a child, a parent, a partner or spouse.
The intention of the neglect is pain.

[kk_med]

This is incredibly true. Their neglect is so damaging to the kids. Years of neglect and my ex sabatoging me to my kids took tons of therapy and love to undo. Getting these people out of your life is the key. My oldest son was suicidal and labeled with emotional disturbance at age 12. He is now a normal 16 year old who enjoys friends, swim team and is trying hard at school. He wants only very limited contact with his neglectful father. My divorce perhaps saves my son’s life.

[Oreocare]

My mother was a neglectful narcissist and boy was it tough growing up. Plus I was the scapegoat so I was even more alienated and damaged. Now that I have a child, I struggle with being present and paying attention BUT I do the work and I am nurturing and attentive most of the time. I struggle to be the parent for her that I never got to experience. It’s hard but thank God I have empathy and I’m not a pathological narcissist. That generational curse stops with me. 🙏🏽❤️

[michellew]

I am sitting here in tears. Living through it and someone validating that this can be and is a reality. Simple validation means the world. Thank you.

[trishharris]

I'm in tears, this is everything I've been saying for 25yrs. Really the 30yrs I've been married. He has never been able to give me the things I need from him. I've begged for years for him to speak my love language to no avail. I'm so relieved that I'm not crazy and there is finally an explanation of what our relationship has been like.

[Simonisfat]

I am feeling so relieved now. I have just left my neglectful narcissist husband. It's been a decade of years feeling so lonely and feeling like a slave. I had to beg for intimacy for 10 years. I feel like a shell of what I once was. My children too were starved for affection. He acted like we didn't exist.

[mirunapopescu]

My dad is a neglectful narcissist (and vulnerable too, so unfortunately, he bothers me way more than I'd prefer). My parents have been divorced since I was 15. I'm 22 now, and my mom is still surprised to discovered my dad has no real care for what we need. If he ever gives us anything, it's so he can brag about it to anyone who'll listen that he did the bare minimum.
Thank God I was a smart kid. I cut that guy off the moment we left home. He didn't like it, but he mostly learned to stay away from me. My mom's lawyer said he's probably scared of me 😂😂

[butlergirl]

I used to credit his neglectful behaviours to his anxiety and depression and borderline alcohol use issues. I’d hold onto the hope that If he would be more consistent with his meds and not depend of alcohol for mood regulation he might be more emotionally available and present with the kids. The painful part is watching the kids process the rejection, watching them scramble to try and be worthy of his love and attention. He’s very occasionally so damn charming and tender and loving it keeps us all longing for his love. Vacations are a shocking nightmarish disappointment. I take comfort in hearing one attentive parent is sometimes enough. I will hold onto that. You are an earth angel for climbing down in the soul-sucking narcissism battle trenches with us Dr Ramani. ❤️

[PlatypusGuitar]

Im not co parenting with a neglectful narcissist, I was raised by one. My mom was a covert, neglectful narc and was a single parent for most of my childhood. She dated a lot but nobody stuck for long, until she met my stepdad, who turns out to be a grandiose narcissist. How I didnt turn out to be a criminal/ junkie/ hooker is amazing to me. I wasnt given ANY attention. My life was so empty from everything and lonely too. We would move a lot, I didnt have a sister until I was 14 and I didnt have any toys. I was eager to go to school to escape my toxic home but I was bullied a lot so I went home to escape the bullies, only to get bullied by my own mom. Rinse and repeat. It was so fucking horrible

[scorpiolove]

Being both mother and father is draining but there is nobody else so you just have to level up and be that rock and role model for your kids no matter what. Much respect to my fellow survivors ❤

[Jennyrari]

I am "coparenting" with a neglectful narcissist. I got out a year ago. Our daughter just turned 16. This sums up my life perfectly. If you aren't needed in the moment you are an inconvenience. They show up to make it about themselves. Couldn't be bothered to watch a kids movie, ever. Would make the child watch what he wanted to watch, generally inappropriate for the kids age.