3 Keys to Co-parenting with a Narcissist

00:00 3 Keys to Co-parenting with a Narcissist
00:45 It's not about "Co-parenting"
01:54 Be a Secure Attachment
03:13 Protect Reality
04:21 Protect Your Child
06:23 Just Listen!

3 Keys to Co-parenting with a Narcissist

A lot of people write and ask me how to co-parent with an extremely narcissistic partner or ex. Here, I break down the best way to nurture a relationship with your child under these extraordinarily challenging circumstance, based on my clinical experience and decades of research. I should have added here (next video) that as long as you have even minimal contact, you can still model these behaviors --*even if your child doesn't seem to welcome you yet! Keep being a caring presence or voice even when they're being rejecting (but model self-protection: correct them if they're hurtful by saying something like "just tell me your angry with me. You don't have to name-call or put me down to do that."

Be consistent even in the face of lies and your child will see you for who you are over time as they become more independent and confident in their own perspective!

[sherifaissal]

I gave this a thumbs up before I even listened to it!! Exactly what I needed to hear and understand right now as my divorce nears finalization:
-“There’s really no such thing as co-parenting”.... Don’t get caught up in how to coordinate with them. Priceless!
-“Protect reality”
-“Protect your child. Stand up for them.”
-“Just listen.”
Thank you so much for these amazing videos!

[mariacolwill]

I had this same question about what to say to my boys when their father lies to them about me. "Protect reality." Thank you for this!

[jennifermalky]

Fantastic points for parallel parenting situations. Thank you for reaffirming the attachment application with a child. As long as he/she has that one solid unconditionally loving role model who reaffirms their reality they can eventually come out from under the blanket of cognitive dissonance. 🙏🏻💪🏻
But a sad and tough journey no less.

[leahk.]

As I listen I wish I had this advice when raising my kids. I did do a lot of what your saying. But I also spot the imperfect parts of my reactions at times by hearing this. Thank you for providing valuable information and guidance for the parents today 👍🏼💗

[HunterWillis]

This was so helpful! I've felt like I've had to say things like, "Oh -your mom didn't mean that" or similar. I love the freedom to just give reassurance that **I** love them, see them, and hear them.

[LesliWebandMediaSvcsonYouTube]

Of course some may call this counter parenting not co parenting 😜

[jans]

The best thing I have heard is that it only takes one parent! I have a baby daughter with a covert narcissist, and she is also of the malignant type. Luckily I escaped the horrible relationship but I have to protect my daughter and only have her part of the time. I have a wonderful contact with my baby daughter but am worried about how the mother can damage her emotionally/psychologically. She uses our daughter as an instrument. Covert narcissists are truly evil! This video gave me hope for my daughter. Thankyou!

[Denmark]

Now I understand why it was so difficult to parent with my husband who narcissistic traits.

[modernwoman]

The last point: it’s not your job to preserve relationship with ex. The court systems think otherwise- at least in my state. Can you help explain how to balance the expectation that it’s the primary parent’s responsibility (per court) to foster a relationship with the other parent- while dealing with a narcissistic ex?

[donnahuscroft]

I grew up with a narcissistic, toxic mother I cut out of my life as a adult parent a few years ago. She spoke about my uncle and anyone that had cut her out of their life just like this, obviously discovering the truths as a adult I see things differently. I have a narcissistic partner of 13 years I have children with I'm still learning.
My parnter doesn't like me having independence or friends he will turn any social event with friend in to a massive argument, even about a job. He hates the idea of me doing anything for my self he will turn anything in to some thing about him this is really the only issues we gave currently with covid life has been put on hold. I struggle with anxiety and the further is triggering 🖤🖤

[m-mcwrath]

Thank you for your words of encouragement.

[melacord]

So reassuring to hear that what you feel and had done is validated by a specialist!

[mudbeauty]

Thank you so much for doing these videos!!

[lytlewave]

Hi Craig, my ex is keeping one of my three kids who is 14 years old. He is emotionally about 8 years old and just buys and spoils and allows everything. He never disciplines them. The teen seems to also be narcissistic and my other 6 & 8 year olds are empathetic and sweet.
Would you suggest to still keep up with authoritative parenting? When the second there’s any corrections it’s sympathy and dad to the rescue? We’re in a extremely nasty custody battle.

[LindaOberholzer-tnuz]

I hve sern many videos but you are one word Awesome thank you rhis videi heloedcme alot

[redmushroomQA]

Thank you Thank you thank you. I need that to help me children to survive a relationship with a narcissist father. My ex