How you make Social Anxiety worse - Post-Event Rumination #shorts

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You know the feeling, you come out of a work meeting or a hangout with friends and start thinking “Why did I say that? I should have responded this way! I am such an idiot! What did he mean when he said…?” Or you think “I was the most awkward person at the party!” Or “I overshared, way too much personal information” or you worry “Did I hurt someone’s feelings!?”
This type of overthinking can be a symptom of social anxiety disorder, it can also just be a symptom of anxiety in general. But when you overanalyze your personal relationships to the point that you are afraid of an emotional connection with another person you’re essentially slipping into a mental rut called Rumination. It’s really common and there’s a lot you can do about it. In this video we’re going to learn 4 ways to stop overthinking every social situation.
1. Learn to notice your cognitive distortions about social situations and social anxiety
2. People aren't nearly as obsessed with you as you are with yourself, social anxiety lies to you
3. Catch yourself when you catastrophize about social situations
4. Social anxiety is fueled by underlying beliefs like:
I must be perfect to be accepted
I must never make anyone else uncomfortable
I must never make a mistake in front of another person
I must never be weird
You can learn to combat social anxiety by learning to challenge your thoughts.

Therapy in a Nutshell and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.
In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction.

Copyright Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC

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"We suffer more in imagination than in reality."
—Seneca

Belief_Before_Glory

Now let’s imagine it’s not just social events, it’s all day every day at work. Every email you send - did I say the wrong thing? Every meeting - did I say too much, too little? why did I make that joke? I think I really offended someone. Every phone call - oh no everyone in the office can hear my conversation. did I answer their question properly or have I got it wrong? Lunch break - why did no one speak to me in the break room? Should I have sat at a different table?
😅

travelwell

Physical signs and symptoms can sometimes accompany social anxiety disorder and may include:
Blushing.
Fast heartbeat.
Trembling.
Sweating.
Upset stomach or nausea.
Trouble catching your breath

dailydoseofmedicinee

It's actually hell. Esp when you live alone and have no one to discuss it with. I was fine when I was there but now I think i talked way too much. Overshared way too much and answered questions i didn't need to answer. 😭🙄😩

Themis

I’ve spent ALL day worrying if I left my bedroom door open (I live in a multiple residency hostel) and was talking to my neighbours downstairs with my room key in my hand. As my key was going into the door I panicked and wondered if my door was locked the whole time and worried someone went in my room even if they didn’t

Once I got over that doubt I started doubting if I had my scarf on whilst talking to my neighbours downstairs. This thought only popped up now 8 hours later 😭 . It’s like once I’ve gotten over one anxiety rumination another starts

danniellejohnson

I have social anxiety but mor important I’m in middle este wher there no knowledge about it or some therapist to go to ..your videos are helpful and precious for me . Thank you ❤

ftomft

Can you post a link to the full video? Seems like it’s cutting out at the end

reakwon

I had a job interview where I solved the brain teaser correctly... I know I did I took a picture and looked the answer after... still did not pass the interview, for some reason, now I am feeling judged, I feel as if I have to justify everything and anything to an imaginary interviewer in my head... I try to stop doing it but its been a week and I cant, feeling crappy about the whole thing.

RolopIsHere

You are helping me almost more than actual therapy

masonofcamelot

"You can fight post-rumination with CBT"
What we fight - we will make worse.
Jung said - what we resist will persist.
Anxiety and pureOCD worry is like urticaria or skin rash - the more you scratch it - the worse it will get. If you let it be and anoint it with love and protection and health, validation, respect - it will soothe down.
If you label it as crap - you will equate being one since it is in your head.

"You go to social event, then you evaluate yourself. Then you ruminate"
That is due to trauma. We were traumatized.
OF course we will have post-symptoms if we were criticized all the time when our psyche was forming. Trauma is normal reaction to abnormal people, abnormal events and abnormal situations.
IF we choose to label our reaction to trauma as sickness and something that is weird and unacceptable - we will develop deep toxic shame, self hatred and self blame - and this means more rumination and brooding.
If we have power to overthink -- this means we are clever, we have higher IQ than other folks - being smart is not sickness. Self pathologizing is not good route. CBT is therapy of errors, causing self pathologizing, self blame and self hate and more anxiety- which will CBT then label as our "Laziness" and unwillingness to comply to narcissistic abuse (invalidation of our trauma), and that it can be cured only by pharma mafia medications.

"You come to the conclusions you are the most awkward person in the world and cycle continues"

We will come to conclusions that deep down we are broken because we ruminate - as CBT instructs us and initiates us into toxic shame. CBT is focused on the symptoms and thus joins into hysteria.
Humanistic therapies focus on our goals and accepting ourselves as we are.
We do not need to be like other people.

Quotes to consider:
Lundy Bancroft:
"Abuse is NOT caused by bad relationship dynamics. You can't manage your partner's abusiveness by changing your behaviour. But he wants you to think you can."

Carl Jung | Psychology and Philosophy 🧠, TWITTER:
The foundation of all mental illness is the unwillingness to experience legitimate suffering.

Since most non-HSPs do not seem to enjoy thinking about solutions, they assume we must be unhappy doing all that pondering.
Preferring toughness, the culture sees our trait as something difficult to live with, something to be cured.
The Highly Sensitive Person,
Elaine N. Aron

"Any attempt to dictate what thoughts, feelings, and sensations are proper or improper creates a breeding ground for guilt and shame"
Peter Levine

Carl Rogers: “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself, just as I am, then I can change.”

Self-regulation, writes Ross Buck, “involves in part the attainment of emotional competence, which is defined as the ability to deal in an appropriate and satisfactory way with one’s own feelings and desires.”
Dr. Gabor Maté,
"When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress"

Escape attempt from pain creates more pain.
We get addicted to it.
Dr. Gabor Maté

"I have to be strong"
The core belief in having to be strong enough, characteristic of many people who develop chronic illness, is a defense.
When the Body Says No - The Cost of Hidden Stress
Book by Gabor Maté

Many of us live, if not alone, then in emotionally inadequate relationships that do not recognize or honour our deepest needs.
Isolation and stress affect many who may believe their lives are quite satisfactory.
"When the Body Says No", Dr. Gabor Maté

For anger to be deployed appropriately, the organism has to distinguish between threat and non-threat.
If I don’t know where my own boundaries begin and end, I cannot know when something potentially dangerous is intruding on them.
"When the Body Says No", Dr. Gabor Maté

See that anxiety is normal response on their part to what actually happened to them. And it can be relieved and recovered if they look at its sources.
YT What Causes Your Anxiety? | Dr. Gabor Mate

“What we call the personality is often a jumble of genuine traits and adopted coping styles that do not reflect our true self at all but the loss of it.”
Quote by Gabor Maté

Almost every mental disorder originates in childhood experience and originates as coping mechanism. When you are threatened with something, you would not be anxious, you would be afraid - as you should be.
YT Dr. Gabor Mate

Cry for help begins as coping mechanism and that becomes generalized. So under certain circumstances there should be fear and anxiety. But when I have anxiety and there is no immediate threat, what is that about?
YT Dr. Gabor Mate

Look at childhood. Anxiety is really the cry of some desperate childhood part of themselves for help and to learn to get help with that part. Not just to take tranquilizers, drink or go to Internet to soothe themselves.
YT Dr. Gabor Mate

The desire for self development stems from "narcissistic" desires, a tendency to self-aggrandizement and superiority over others.
Sigmund Freud

Neurosis is the avoidance of legitimate suffering.
JUNG

The first half of life is devoted to forming a healthy ego,
the second half is going inward and letting go of it.
Carl Jung

Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual's conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.
Carl Jung

“To be normal is the ideal aim for the unsuccessful.”
JUNG

Improving our relationships is improving our mental health.
William Glasser

Interpersonal strife with those close to us leads to rifts and resentments that produce symptoms of mental illness; these problems are, in fact, the logical consequence of troubled relationships.
Glasser emphasizes that lasting psychological problems are usually caused by problems in our personal relationships (rather than signifying a biochemical abnormality in the brain), and distress can be remedied through repairing these relationships without recourse to psych drugs.
WILLIAM GLASSER

Controlling Habits:
Blaming
Criticizing
Complaining
Nagging
Rewarding To Control
Threatening
Punishing
William Glasser

William Glasser "What's my Choice" Connecting Habits:
Listening
Supporting
Encouraging
Negotiating
Respecting
Accepting
Trusting

They see us as timid, shy, weak, or unsociable. Fearing these labels, we try to be like others. But that leads to our becoming overaroused and distressed. Then that gets us labeled neurotic or crazy, first by others then by ourselves.
The Highly Sensitive Person, Elaine N. Aron

Learning to see our trait as a neutral thing-useful in some situations, not in others-but our culture definitely does not see it, or any trait, as neutral.
Be careful about accepting labels for yourself such as "inhibited", "introverted", "shy"
The Highly Sensitive Person, E. Aron

"Sooner or later everyone encounters stressful life experiences, but HSPs react more to such stimulation. If you see this reaction as part of some basic flaw, you intensify the stress already present in any life crisis.
This deeper processing of subtle details causes you to consider the past or future more. You "just know" how things got to be the way they are or how they are going to turn out. It can be wrong, but your intuition is right often enough that HSPs tend to be visionaries, more conscientious, cautious and wise people.
It is important not to confuse arousal with fear.
And often we think that our arousal is due to fear. We do not realize that our heart may be pounding from the sheer effort of processing extra stimulation.
I really suggest trying to view it as neutral.
HSPs must spend far more time trying to invent solutions to human problems just because they are more sensitive to hunger, cold, insecurity, exhaustion, and illness.
Since most non-HSPs do not seem to enjoy thinking about such things, they assume we must be unhappy doing all that pondering.
Spend enough time putting yourself out there in the world - your sensitivity is not something to be feared.
Carl Jung believed that when highly sensitive patients has experienced a trauma, they had been unusually affected and so developed a neurosis.
Preferring toughness, the culture sees our trait as something difficult to live with, something to be cured. HSPs differ mainly in their sensitive processing of subtle stimuli. This is your most basic quality."
The Highly Sensitive Person, Elaine N. Aron

Goodness is chosen. When a man cannot choose, he ceases to be a man.
A Clockwork Orange (1971)

We didn't know until recently that c-PTSD is an injury to your brain and nervous system. And a lot of therapist and clinical professionals still don't know this.
YT Crappy Childhood Fairy

Somebody made you feel bad about yourself for expecting a normal respectful interaction with people. Somebody planted this idea that you are damaged.
YT Crappy Childhood Fairy

Narcissists get exhausted at playing nice, they are not naturally empathic. Your form of supply is being their punching bag. They use charm to get supply from people with power or attract new people. And rage & abuse to regulate their exhaustion.
YT DR Ramani

You learned that boundaries weren't necessary. You learned that boundaries equal pain. So as an adult you don't know how to set a boundary. And in fact your brain is going to send you information that tells you – boundaries are bad.
Lisa Romano

If you come from dysfunctional family, you don't have tools you need to gain perspective. It is not your fault. If it is difficult for you to disengage, when narcissist get angry, you must know this is not your fault.
Lisa Romano

ranc

Ah yes.... I've been up in head concerned about things but also because although many are going right, few others did not go as I thought it would and I have been on a self-doubt/questioning cycle. Also, feeling like not many people (though they may care/try), do not know how to help me...but our head can try to fool us in these situations. And it's difficult when you feel like you're dealing with it on your own, even if you're not technically "alone". Worries and concerns can get to a point where it becomes difficult to bear. Your videos made me realize that even though I usually am someone who wouldn't, I've like hermited or because socially anxious due to thoughts on people probably not wanting me around or fear of rejection(?)

Mari-hbdo

I love her... I miss seeing MORE of her longer videos. I feel like there not as often. But she's gotta new baby so I get it. More long videos please when u have time again.... 😃

nahkalahdeyoung

Yesterday I wrote my physics practical exam in Viva
Physics asked me: what is Boyels Law?
Me: At Const. Temp, Volume of a given mass of gas is -directly- (oh sorry) inversely proportional to it's Pressure
Then she asked: What is Temperature
"I didn't gave answer"
So she gave me 2/3 marks
Later when I was going to home I realised that I know the answer
I was thinking that for whole night

ReignBreakker