How Do You Make Friends if You Have Social Anxiety? | Kati Morton

Hey everybody! Happy Thursday, now today’s question is all about making friends when we have social anxiety. But before we jump into that, are you new to my channel? Welcome! I am a licensed therapist creating educational mental health videos, and I release them on Mondays and on Thursdays, so make sure you are subscribed and have your notifications turned on so that you don’t miss out.
This week’s question is: Hey Kati, how does someone make friends when they are over 30 and have social anxiety? I always hear of advice about joining groups or clubs, but that just feels impossible to me. But I do want to socialize more and make friends, help!
I thought this was a great question, and although I have talked about how we can make friends as an adult, I haven’t addressed the very important issue in this question, what if we have social anxiety. Now for those of you who don’t know social anxiety disorder otherwise known as social phobia is diagnosed when we experience fear of anxiety about one or more social situations in which we worry we could be judged or scrutinized by others. This could be if we have to give a speech in front of the people we work with, or even if we have to eat in front of other people. We must also fear that we will act in a way or show anxiety symptoms that will be negatively evaluated by others. Social situations almost always provoke fear or anxiety, we avoid social situations as much as we can, and our anxiety or fear is out of proportion to the actual threat posed by the even. Meaning that even though the fear and anxiety is very real and warranted to us, if we had to explain it to someone else they wouldn’t understand why we were so worried or anxious. Does that make sense? And our social anxiety must be persistent lasting for 6 months or more, and as always, it must impair our ability to function in our lives. So that’s how social anxiety is diagnosed based on what the DSM which is the diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders. Now I know it’s not the end all be all of things, but it does ensure we are all talking about the same thing when we say social anxiety...

Links I mentioned:

Anxiety Playlist

Making New Friends

I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!
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If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.

[lozza]

Ahh such good timing! Been feeling lonely but too anxious to meet people. Thanks Kati xx

[holidaygamer]

i dont avoid social interactions but i am quiet around people and even when there are people that i see regularly i feel like they dont actually like me they just tolerate me

[Hushpuppy]

I've seen plenty of people talk about how to make friends but I would find it interesting to see something about how to keep friends. I always end up isolating myself from any new friends I make.

[WeirdHeather]

Stuff I’ve done. 1) Joined a running group. It was terrible when I first turned up, I was physically shaking, but once I started running then conversations just started happening. It’s hard to stay anxious when you’re doing something physically demanding. 2) Go to the events that feel safest, promise yourself that you will stay for an hour regardless of how awkward it is, and bail afterwards if you still want to leave. It’s easier to bear if there is a fixed end time you can call “enough”. 3) Try to talk about how you feel. My boss once asked me what my problem was and I wasn’t expecting it, so I told the truth, that I was always scared everyone would think I was a loser and not want to talk to me. He didn’t laugh like I’d always imaged someone would. He acted like it was a totally normal thing to say and told me very matter-of-a-factly that it wouldn’t happen and that he’d talk to me, so not to worry.

[ryantrue]

I dont have bad social anxiety but I dont like being in large crowds without my headphones or something to do, I do struggle making friends but that's because I'm just generally seen as awkward and weird by people

[coreyjacq]

Honestly find another person with social anxiety and bond over it

[tweetoc]

lol but my social anxiety is the biggest reason why i'm not in therapy even though i probably need it oops

[sagegreenheart]

This Video screams my name, I just HAD to leave Netflix for this
No but seriously I recently started therapy because of my social phobia, thank you so much <3

[KyleS.]

Needed this desperately. Can't keep letting generalized anxiety disorder run my life. Thank you!

[JaneyImaaniEmotionalAwareness]

I use to have so much social anxiety that I was convinced I was an introvert! But after therapy I got over my fear of people and realized I was actually an extrovert ❤️

It’s amazing what you learn about yourself while trying to heal yourself 😊

[dommywommy]

God, why does life have to be so complicated?

[mrsslibby]

You know you have social anxiety when just watching this video and thinking about these things makes you anxious 😬🙃

[laurah]

I love you! For me, it's more that I'm an introvert. I can make eye contact and conversation, but if someone wants to hang out, I tend to avoid it. I'm not sure I can maintain friendships, as I need very little time with people. It physically exhausts me to be social for more than a couple hours. Lots of acquaintances, no real friends....

[mahsamaghferati]

i am 19 and i have social anxiety. social anxiety really sucks for anyone who is dealing with it, but it's even worse when you're young and you're expected to be partying and having fun with your friends every day and night.
I wish there was a pill that could take it all away in a second...

[laurah]

I volunteer at an animal shelter. It helps me feel connected to something, but at my pace. I've met some wonderful people who share the same values as I do. Honestly, I feel awkward a lot!! But I just fake it till I make it! I think complimenting someone can help with the awkward feeling of meeting new people.

[KahnShawnery]

Social anxiety + work at home job = rarely ever meet new people who aren't cashiers.
Five years in a new state and city and it's extremely hard to find people with similar interests.
I tried some gaming group meet-ups but never clicked with anyone. Growing older sucks.

[somethingyousaid]

I'm afraid that my extreme social anxiety will be my undoing. I really don't know what to do about it.

[AmeliaOak]

The tip about getting together with people whom you have something in common with is really good. I have social anxiety, but I joined a writing group. My husband encouraged me to go, because I almost flaked out. I didn't talk at the first meeting, but the more I tried interacting, the easier it got, and now they call me the favorite of the group! I've never been the favorite anything before.

[christinem]

As she describes social anxiety and phobia I feel like crying. I hit every single point and it’s incredibly validating to know that what I’m feeling is real and acknowledged. And there are people out there who understand! It’s such an isolating feeling sometimes. I’m starting a new job and some anxieties I have about it include not being able to hold conversations or strike up a conversation, people thinking I’m too quiet or young, eating lunch awkwardly lol, or just not doing my job well or like I’m not a good fit for the job. It’s just so debilitating at times. These videos are helping me so much🥺

Also, this job has benefits I’m hoping I can go to therapy about these issues soon. It’s really exciting. Even though this job has a lot of triggering new experiences, it’ll also opening so many doors for my healing.

[zetagamings]

Thank you for this video I struggle so much with social anxiety, and I’ve lost a lot of my friends recently and feeling extremely alone 😔🖤