Living with Social Anxiety || Mayim Bialik

Hey, it’s Mayim, and I have social anxiety. Maybe you do, too, and that’s ok! For those of us who suffer from debilitating social anxiety we usually know what triggers it. Recently, for me, it was a wedding. Today I’m talking about how I cope with my social anxiety and continue to live my life. How to do you deal with social anxiety? Tell me in the comments!
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You may know me as Amy Farrah Fowler from The Big Bang Theory, or from Blossom, but hopefully, these videos allow you to get to know me better as Mayim, too! Subscribe to my channel for video updates. I upload new videos every Thursday!

Find Mayim Bialik:

Grok Nation

About Mayim Bialik:
You ​might know me as Amy Farrah Fowler from The Big Bang Theory or from Blossom​ but there are so many other parts of me that you might not be aware of​!​​ I’m trained ​as a​ neuroscientist, ​I'm ​a passionate activist, an observant Jew, a​ perfectly imperfect​ mother, and ​I'm a complicated human being​ like many of you​. This is the place where I wear ​all of those hats - and none of them have a flower on them! ;)

[cilenegoncalves]

"Expectations are planned disappointments"
Hit me like a slap in the face

[timothywilliams]

For me, it's just his horrible feeling of dread just to talk to people. I feel like if I lend my voice, give an opinion, or even state a preference in something mundane, I'm open for attack. I'm going to be insulted and shamed for what I feel and/or think. Consequently, I don't want to talk to people, so I just let them prattle on and nod my head. Meanwhile, feelings of frustration and anger build up, while my brain is screaming at this person, "Why can't you just shut up?!"

[macaronifanatic]

As a person with pretty severe social anxiety I greatly appreciated this video. I just have an intense fear of larger social gatherings even with my own family. I dread being asked the surface level questions "what's new with you?" "are you in college?" "What do you do for work?". I have an intense fear of being judged negatively by people and I am incredibly sensitive to negative criticism. These questions often make me feel like I'm being interrogated and often judged by what my current situation in life is and I hate it. It is so bad that I will often avoid many social gatherings or events for those reasons or leave one I would already be present for. I have very few people who I really open up to and tell everything to and I have struggled with this my whole life. Sometimes I just have to force myself to go and get out of my own head but it is like nails scratching a chalkboard it makes me so uncomfortable. I met another person at my job who also has social anxiety and it just feels so nice to have someone who relates to me.

[mymanson]

It's also very important to realize that social anxiety can differ for many people; it should actually be seen as a spectrum disorder. So someone can have severe anxiety before an event, find avoidance tactics, sobbing parties and still make it to the party and have fun without medication; there are also MANY people who simply cannot go to these events. Or those who do but have to leave very soon after. Or those who also suffer from severe anxiety once the event is over, going over and over and over and over about what happened, how you said things, how you looked, how you smiled, did you talk enough, did you smile enough, were you kind, were you mean, were you ... Good luck to us all.

[cstar]

Is it social anxiety if you say "yes" to an event and then immediately dread it and start getting more nervous as the event gets closer to the point where you want to find an excuse not to go? While at the event you feel incredibly awkward and can't wait to leave. After, you can't sleep because you go over every conversation and action because you are sure you looked like an idiot and that others think you are in the blank).

[petrinaanderson]

I have a very dear friend with SA she is the sweetest nicest ppl I know... I look at how truly lovely, kind and generous she is and am so sad that she has such a struggle in owning that... I often wish she could see herself through my eyes and be fearless. I know her struggle is real and I am happy to hold her arm and reassure her they aren’t looking/laughing/judging and that I am proud to be with her

[fionajackson]

I think it's important to point out that social anxiety doesn't manifest itself the same way for everyone. The distinction you made at the beginning of the video is important - too many people think that experiencing any anxiety in a social situation means they have social anxiety disorder which is false. But I'd say that what you then provided as what is social anxiety is a really personal look. I think sharing our personal experiences is valuable but there are many ways social anxiety can manifest, many ways it can effect people and present itself. It isn't limited to how it makes one person feel or act. For instance, not everyone with social anxiety will have fits or rocks back and forth.

I think it is fantastic that you share what you are going through. Especially as someone in the public eye, sharing your experiences with life's challenges is powerful. But it's important that when you are sharing your own experiences, you make that distinction clear in order to avoid invalidating someone else's experience. It would be a shame to cause someone to assume that they don't have social anxiety because theirs doesn't affect them in the same way yours affects you.

As someone with social anxiety disorder I am grateful for you lending your voice, thank you. I would just urge you to be careful that you aren't making potentially damaging generalizations. If you are going to define social anxiety, don't limit the definition by your own experience. If you want to share your experience, don't present it as the definition of what social anxiety is.

[christineyork]

It is comforting to know that someone as awesome and powerful as you also suffers from this. To me the hardest part is people, friends and family not understanding, assuming I am faking or exaggerating matters. I self talk, self soothe a lot like a mother would sooth her child. I avoid situations that will bring on panic attacks, but that makes me feel like my own prisoner. It’s not easy but I deal with it the best I can. In the end it’s a lot of pretending to be ok, acting in fact. I act on a daily basis, on a stage called life.

[sarahstill]

This is literally the first time I’ve ever commented on a YouTube video...I have social anxiety and it makes life so frickin hard sometimes. I seem to have it the worst with acquaintances or people that I only sort of know. I’m fine with strangers, and I’m fine with close friends (although even then I get anxious) but the in-between stage is the worst. Especially if it’s important that I get to know those people and that they like me (ie my boyfriend’s family). I just wish I could be consistently myself in front of everyone but I can’t. I don’t know if it’s some sort of subconscious sabotage or if it’s a shitty positive feedback loop, but it’s always worse during times of stress. Thanks for the beautifully honest video, it really does help to know we’re not alone 💛

[steeliahmann]

My method of handling social anxiety is drag. I basically dressing up as someone else makes any insecurities not matter. No one would be judging you. They would be judging a character. It completely frees me up. And that confidence is slowly creeping into my everyday life making social settings a little bit easier to deal with. (Just a little)

[jennifersweet]

OMGosh Mayim....so encouraging to know I’m not the only person on EARTH who avoids the shower (pre-social situation)!🙈 Thank you for sharing! FYI- Dealing with this S*** DOES make you bold and fierce and strong!💪💪💪

[elizas]

Uh, I think in a parallel universe, you're my best friend.

[CharHardy]

I have never heard someone else explain the showering thing like that, I have extreme social anxiety and panic disorder, and one of my ways of coping sometimes is "I just won't shower today, then I don't have to go out or answer the door". I loved this video, to know someone as famous as you had the same issues was eye opening. Thank you, Mayim. I've been a fan of yours since the start of Blossom and have always looked up to you ❤️

[frstchan]

Hmm, my social anxiety at its worst was like this: Imagine walking into a room with 4 people. You sit down. Your heart is racing as if you are chased by a flock of lions. All your muscles are tense. You have a cold sweat. You are filled with fear and you have tunnel vision. And your face is burning red. Intense fear. Just by sitting in a room with 4 other people. Everyone else with "social anxiety" seems to have extremely mild problems.

[Dloudon]

Thank you for speaking about this and embracing it as one of the things that make you the amazing person you are! No plugging the ears for me. Instead it's a little reassuring pat or consoling rub on the arm for me while repeating "you're you're ok". Or sometimes while actually having to communicate with someone when the anxiety tries to drown me, wringing my hands and either talking much about nothing or staring mutely like a complete crazy person! Lol I absolutely adore your videos and your real discussions. A lot of them, especially the one about being different and nerdy, hit close to home for me. Thank you for giving us "weirdos" a voice and making people realize that these are the kind of traits that sometimes hinder us but, for the most part, make us special, fun, interesting, endearing, and awesome.

[pumpkinmomma]

I do have social anxiety. Just talking on the phone makes me panic. I stay home 98% of the time because the thought of being around people makes my anxiety go through the roof, even if I want to go somewhere usually I won't because I just can't deal with it. I've done the putting off showering thing too. And when time came to go, I ended up staying home, I just couldn't bring myself to go. I wasn't always like that, when I was younger I loved going out but my anxiety has gotten so bad over the years I actually developed panic disorder. Now I'm extremely reclusive. I hate that, but I just can't seem to quit being that way. Ugh....

[olive]

I have social anxiety and this is so spot on! I always feel better when around complete strangers, but terrified around acquaintances. If I could go without taking medication for mine that would be great, but I don’t think I would be able to really socially interact at all if I stopped taking it. Thank you for explaining what social anxiety really is for the rest who don’t understand!

[AhappyteacherAtruestory]

Thank you so much for sharing your own personal issues. Showing yourself vulnerable and how you fight or cope with that will help a lot other people. You're an inspiration. Thank you Miss Bialik.

[chrispig]

Being so uncomfortable at social events, it’s like being on fire but then when you leave you feel so disappointed in yourself because everyone else looks happy but you can’t cope with it. Also trying to explain to people what it’s like. They just don’t get it

[shabytin]

Oh gosh. Thank you for talking about this. Thank you for always making us realise that we are not alone. That someone as awesome as you sometimes struggle with a lot of things too. You are a beacon, a light, an inspiration. Thank you, Mayim ❤️