Stop Letting Social Anxiety Control You

In this video, join us for an insightful discussion on overcoming social anxiety. We'll explore practical strategies to short-circuit the cycle of social anxiety and overthinking, empowering you to navigate social interactions with greater ease.

Social anxiety often presents challenges in various social situations, affecting our confidence and interactions. Our conversation aims to dissect this issue, offering actionable techniques to mitigate social anxiety's impact.

▼ Timestamps ▼
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00:08 - Struggling with social anxiety
00:40 - Disabling your inner voice
01:35 - Animals are very social creatures
02:16 - We don’t use any social circuitry
03:31 - Animals use the full suite of their senses
04:19 - Understanding social reassurance
06:27 - The Visual Association Cortex
07:32 - The three ways to disable social anxiety
10:29 - How to have natural eye contact
11:30 - Why smiling is important
12:55 - Instituting these practices
13:46 - How long should you smile
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All guests of Healthy Gamer are informed of the public, non-medical nature of the content and have expressly agreed to share their story.

#healthygamergg #overthinking #socialanxiety

[funopticongaming]

I really do appreciate this approach of "Try this out and if it doesn't work, let me know and let's try something else." A lot of channels will commit to the bit as if it's the final answer to solve our problems but Dr. K really gives the sense that he's going on the journey of finding what works for you with you.

[erayozdemir]

Social anxiety has ruined my life in a lot of ways. l grew up with selective mutism. it's a severe form of anxiety disorder where you're unable to speak in certain settings like school. l know that the anxiety is irrational but it is very real in my mind. it is like having all the equipment necessary to produce sound but words refuse to come out. İn addition to that, l couldn't drink, eat, go to the bathroom or even bring myself to leave my desk during recess if there were other people around. Obvsiouly that put a big target sign on my back for others to bully me. There would be times when i would just cry and ask myself why i was unable to speak. l seriously felt like something was wrong with me. l was anxious, odd and mute. All the bullying l had to endure for several years took a huge toll on my soul/mind. Two years ago, l strated university and realized things didn't change much and i was still quite frustrated, lonely and anxious. A typical day at university was just me sitting through the whole lecture and going back home without uttering a single word to anyone. So last year l decided i'd go see a psychiatrist. l got diagnosed with dysthymia, a milder but long-lasting type of depression. They gave me some meds and put me on cognitive behavioral therapy. l never took the meds for personal reasons even though i should have. Now l'm 22 years old, still very young but l'm extremely skinny, got a couple of bad teeth and losing my hair. l live with my parents so the only in-person contact i get is with my parents. l've stopped taking care of myself. l'm usually paranoid, nervous and angry around people. l'm a bitter and envious person. l have no friends or even acquaintances. l feel hopeless and rejected by the whole world. l'm pretty much used to spending my days sitting at a computer. l'm unable to function in social situations. This doesn't come from a defeatist mindset. l still have good days here and there and those are worth living for in my opinion. l still have a lot more to say, things that i left out but it'd take me an hour to mention all the ways in which i've struggled with anxiety. l feel very deeply for anyone who has to deal with this condition that shrinks your entire universe. The only thing i know is that life goes on and we are here to enjoy it with the hand we were dealt.

[Aspartamebraintumor]

I think the hardest part is when you develop that thought of, "do I actually want to connect with anyone here? is it really worth it?" you get to a point where you lose interest in other people as a defense mechanism

[Lil.LonLy]

The hard truth of overcoming social anxiety or anxiety in general is that you HAVE to dare yourself to go out there and face what scared you

[KillerCat]

It's so fascinating to me as someone with SAD that the analytical overdrive doesn't happen in most people's minds

[lakitu]

Anxiety controls way more than my social life

[nightbrand]

My mother dealt with social anxiety for many, many years. She is now the most socially adept person I know, and I learned to overcome my social anxiety by learning from her. And she does exactly everything you just said to do, to the letter. Can confirm it works

[Desteroyah]

About "theorycrafting in a game you've never played": I think social anxiety manifests when you tried to play the game (after all that game is mandatory in our society) and you lost most of the 'engagements' - you encountered indifference, rejection or bullying. So we fell compelled to theorycraft based on that data.

I'm socially anxious almost exclusively when it comes to making friends, especiallly meeting girls, so SA is coupled with the fear of rejection, as I was met with bullying from people I wanted to make friends with when growing up and indifference/rejection when I wanted to talk to girls.

[mitthrawnuruodo]

My situation with social anxiety is summed up like this:
-Past experiences with adhd had led me to be mocked or ridiculed for being “social” so my brain/body is VERY hesitant to speak
-I’m a very quiet person and I don’t want to talk 80% of the time so when I’m put in a situation where I’m forced to I’m thrown off or not in the mood
-I have adhd and think too much given most situations. For example you say hi and automatically my brain thinks of 5 different responses and given only a millisecond I have to choose so it comes out jumbled “hi-ey, how’s you doin toonigh-day-“🤦🏾‍♂️
-I have very little experience in life being a loner all my life so when people ask about my experiences I don’t have any
Whenever I talk about myself I sweat if it’s “personal” so it’s hard to put myself out there.

Overall my problem is that I struggle with my past, my adhd and my uninteresting personality and this manifests into social anxiety.

[IAmPamPoovey]

I had severe social anxiety until I went to college. I went into broadcasting, and we were just thrown into it. Just had to get on that mic and sink or swim. I took the midnight-3AM shift because I thought, "no one's listening. I can screw up all I want and no one will hear me, so I'm good, " BUT, because the bars closed at 2AM, I ended up hosting every after party in the tri-county area. 😂 People would recognize my voice when I'd go out to eat or something and they'd come up to me and ask me if I was the chick from the radio and I'd get to have some really cool encounters with people I didn't even know. I even got out of a traffic ticket once because all the cops listened to my show too. We're in the middle of nowhere. There's not a lot of crime here. They didn't have anything else to listen to at that hour. My headlight was out, so he pulled me over and asked me why I was out driving at that time. I told him I was coming back from the station and he had me sign a warning slip. He said, "cool! Now I have your autograph, " and he sent me away with the promise that I'd get that headlight fixed before the week was out. I accidentally made myself the town rockstar because I was scared to do the one thing I always dreamed of doing. Now, we have YouTube and I have a stalker who's obsessed with my minor child, so the whole local rockstar game has DEFINITELY changed for me, but I learned a lot from what happened at that radio station and I met a lot of really cool people. You can't practice for this. You really just have to throw yourself into it. And, YES, SMILE. That's a really important thing that I learned too. Even when people can't see you, but they can HEAR you, they can tell when you're smiling. You can HEAR a person smile! That's a real thing!
Great video, Dr K, as always! Thank you for posting!

[dend]

This is one of my biggest issues. I know I'm not alone

[xCrusaderx]

It’s difficult to overcome social anxiety through recognising body language and social cues when you have a deep-seated idea that no one likes you and there is something fundamentally wrong with you, which ultimately results in any positive signals being interpreted as negative.
A really difficult cycle to break, because those thoughts cause you to close off, which pushes people away and reinforces the belief that they never liked you in the first place.

[ulabula]

Last few years I've been pushing through my social anxiety with brute force, which works but it's very mentally exhausting. I feel proud for pushing and doing the socialization I do but it's a constant war inside my mind the whole time so I end up not having a good time as I could. Will definitely make a shift to this 'shutting down' kind of approach, it looks far more sustainable. Thanks Dr. K!

[Victory]

I have struggled with mental illness and my mental health since I was a kid. Before I even knew what those terms were. After years of depression, anxiety, and even an attempt to take my life, I never thought I would be able to live without SSRI medications. I clung to them because it was the only thing that made my mind quiet, but it also made me a zombie. Microdosing has given me control of my mental health for the first time, and they essentially gave me my life back.

[ClearBlueSky]

I actually used to smile whenever I was anxious in college . And like a charm people would smile back whether we were friends or not and made the environment really comfortable for me.

It feels wierd to say it now and I was known to be really friendly but I literally smiled more for myself than "to be friendly."
It

[iqbsan]

I just got back from a 7 day trip to a Cancun resort with the guys. All around me, guys and gals were socializing and hooking up. Everyone at the resort club got turnt up every single night, getting on stage and dancing, dancing with all the attractive girls and even taking them back to their rooms. Everyone but me, I never spoke to any girls on the resort, even the ones who showed interest in me. And I never danced at the club, just stood at a corner and watched the whole time. I hate it. I'm now coming back from a vacation full of regret of all the fun and romantic experiences my social anxiety kept me from experiencing

[hildir]

If making eye contact is still too much for some of you there's still something you can do to help yourself in those situations; try looking at the bridge of the nose, or the forehead between the eyes. For years now, this has helped me maintain face-to-face contact with people and feel so much less awkward about it while still showing respect and receiving that visual/empathic feedback.

[AH-zonn]

Dr. K just living rent free in your brain writing a script on how to solve your current problems

[TheCosmicGypsy]

Social anxiety has taken over my life. It has sent me into isolation for the past 3 years I haven't had a single friend. I'm 30 years old and I feel like I completely forgot how to have a conversation with anyone without feeling like a burden to people. The only time I speak to anyone is if they approach me first. I cannot bring myself to approach anyone.

[thgrdrz]

important points

- humans have an inner voice overthinking situations, and we try to push this down when trying to overcome social anxiety.
- we try to fix our social anxiety with logic, analysis, and reassurance, unlike other animals. when we focus on other senses besides our thoughts, it'll disable some of the circuitries causing social anxiety
- we look at our phones when we're anxious at a party, so we can't notice the visual socially reassuring signs we need from others.
- adrenaline causes more panicked thoughts, so deep breathing with slow exhalations will help with this. + rolling your shoulders back can expand your lungs
- making eye contact is scary, but it'll give you visual reassurance instead of leaving your brain to overthink. look at whoever's talking and make brief periods of eye contact. if you're talking to someone one-on-one, you can stand at a 45º angle so you'll be able to switch between turning towards them and looking back at the room
- smiling is important because the other person usually smiles back, which can relax you because it reassures you that they like you. you can practice this with cashiers etc. and then use it in social situations.
- the main point is that animals can overcome social anxiety and have healthy communities because they use the parts of the brain that we're suppressing by focusing only on our thoughts or our phones. if we just calm ourselves, look at people, and take in the situation, we can see that people like us