Why You Feel Anxious Socializing (and What to Do about It) | Fallon Goodman | TED

In crowds, at parties, meetings, get-togethers with friends, everyday interactions: social anxiety can show up as an unwelcome guest at any time. But why? Psychologist Fallon Goodman digs into the source of social anxiety, setting the record straight about this common condition with practical solutions to help you feel the most authentically "you" while out and about.

Follow TED!

#TED #TEDTalks #anxiety

[nqpgmcx]

The thing is, we hurt where we care. Most people with social anxiety are the ones who actually strive for deep connection. You can barely find a person with social anxiety who doesn’t want to have deep relationship with others. Our deepest desires are often hidden within our biggest fears.

[jamesvaughn]

I've never been in a social situation where I felt I truly belonged. Even within my family I feel like an outside observer more than a member.

[matchalover]

I feel like my social anxiety developed when I was being rejected by others throughout the years.
I was quite bright and talkative as a kid but not now. I honestly took the time to reflect about myself, most of the time I did not do anything wrong, I've always assumed people deemed me as someone "uninteresting" as the reason they left me. But truth to be told, sometimes what they do has nothing to do with us. I have no idea how other people constantly have the energy to socialize and hang out with a group of people daily without feeling exhausted.

[FTLNewsFeed]

I severely lessoned my social anxiety by accepting those things about me that caused my fear of rejection. I did that by interacting with my critical internal voice differently. Before I would run away from it or try to suppress it, but I realized (with some help) that it was in its own messed up way trying to help me. By acknowledging that it was valid and that it had a place at my internal table of voices it then knew that it did not need to speak because I always had its' best interests at heart. Since then it has largely been silent when I look in the mirror and by extension going out and being in social situations has largely been anxiety free -- not zero, but very manageable.

[creativityworkoutsforartan]

Best explanation of what social anxiety is that I have heard. HOWEVER, the solution is what doesn't work - she essentially said "buck up" and "deal with it". That is exactly what drives socially anxious people like myself further into our holes.

[mrZed-kozs]

This is one of the most well put ted talks I've come across recently. social anxiety should be more and more addressed.

[confidencediaries]

So...I came down here in the comments section...I began reading what people think ab this and most speak ab going thru it and how it feels. Then I realized that many of these people are actually suffering from the same thing, I realize how many people are down here commenting, it made me feel relief a little bit bc then I know m not alone, then I began to wonder if all these people were my friends bc ya'll are so many and we're going thru it all at once...it's crazy how this video gathered all of us here, imagine how it would if all of us in here knew each other 🥲🙉❤ wouldn't it be perfect!

[wintermataa]

I really apreciate what you are doing for people strugling with social anxiety. I heavily strugle with social anxiety and i feel like i will be like this forever. It has messed up my life in many ways but this video makes me feel better. God bless you for what you are doing.

[TychoKingdom]

If you switch embarrassment with rejection is is still social anxiety. I hate feeling embarrassed. All I know is I don't like talking to people I just want to be able to do it without the negative side effects. So I can be comfortable at work and not feel like I need to quit or have a breakdown because people keep asking me questions.

[kaursinghi]

Surprisingly, facing my fear, doing what I feared took my fear away and made me confident.

[Nrnrnrnrnrnrnr]

"Don't be pushed around by the fears in your mind. Be led by the dreams in your heart." - Roy T. Bennett

[golden.lights.twinkle]

I hate it when people say "Humans are social". They just don't get it that some of us aren't. Some of us prefer our own company. Personally, I hate parties or any kind social get together. I like to relate to other people one-to-one but never in a group. I don't consider this something wrong with me, it's just who I am. But other people cannot accept it, they want everyone to be sociable and look on me as abnormal.

[eastside]

It's the insecurity and blushing that is really difficult to overcome.

[orikakuli]

it's funny that i really don't fear anyone rejecting me yet i still have social anxiety. i really don't fear being rejected, i don't give a damn about what others think, yet i still have it. even if you do the stupidest thing on public, people will forget it after an hour.

[hipsib]

I feel like i’m missing out on life and I have such big dreams for myself but can’t manage to over come it. I’m also scared to take medication

[evanli]

I agree so much with osaka, public speaking with a script is so much easier because I am totally prepared for it and very excited. But just talking to a few people after going off stage is nerve racking cos you don't know what they would say and what to respond

[dahliaschultz]

I love this! what is very interesting is that I recently got my DNA ancestry results and it says I am most likely to be introverted which was empowering because I always thought I had a problem and that I was abnormal for having certain social anxiety. At the end of the day life is too short to not get yourself out there. I always say what's the worst thing that can happen. Usually it is our silly thinking that stops us from living life

[mohammedarmanulhaq]

I also think that most people with social anxiety disorders find difficult in convincing other people who may otherwise be convinced by those people who are extroverted, without social anxiety disorders and have much deep bond or familiarity with them.
Also most of the time people with social anxiety have to accept and follow others orders or instructions without questioning if they may as the fear of rejection or unacceptance is ingrained so much in them. They might think that If I try to say 'no' to this person, he/she wont interact with me or leave me in a rejected state.

[warriorgp]

She is correct. I used to have severe social anxiety, but when I played football, this was my strongest suit. I absolutely loved showing off my football skills on the field. It made me feel confident because I was so skilled. Off the field? That was a totally different story... Lol. I'd have a panic attack and nearly have a medical emergency if you put me in front of a crowd of people to give a speech. There's a big difference between performance anxiety and social anxiety.

[raimundoortins]

I've always been bullied by girls since I was little because my jaw was too far in, I developed social anxiety, I literally have no friends, I can't even look girls in the eye. I'm 26 years old and I've never had a girlfriend because I'm afraid of being rejected.