How Being A 'Nice Guy' Is Sabotaging Your Relationships

The Nice Guy Paradox: How Being A "Nice Guy" Is Sabotaging Your Relationships And How To Get More Of What You Want In Life.

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The "Nice Guy" gets harpooned in today's society. We're told that nice guys finish last, that nice guys can't get the girl. And this is true of nice women as well.

I completely disagree. I think that might be true of a weak person, an indecisive person, someone who lacks confidence or people skills.

A "nice guy" can be an incredibly charismatic, strong leading, attractive person.

Now that being said, there IS a habit that I see from "nice" people that is sabotaging your relationships.

And there's a better way of doing things that can help you get more of what you want while conveying extreme levels of confidence and will make people respect you more.

* I'm appreciative to the book No More Mr. Nice Guy and to Landmark Forum. Both contributed to my learning this about myself and starting to observe it in others *

1:12 Build confidence and stop scorekeeping as Dr. Robert Glover say
2:08 As Dr. Robert Glover said about the nice guy syndrome where guilt is instilled
3:58 Nice guys finish last because of the reply no and present being a nice guy
4:42 Not necessarily how to stop being nice or how to ask for love but a tip for common case

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[rayali]

"Being needy is different from having needs"

[DBZMacky]

Be a nice guy, but don't expect anything in return. Because then you're not being nice, just fake.

[notoriouswhitemoth]

If you want to ask for something, ask for it. If you want to negotiate, negotiate. Passive-aggressive isn't nice.

[BrettMaverick]

I dig the mindset series. I'd love to see your take on "public speaking" if you haven't already. Keep it up guys

[SaudiHaramco]

I've always found it irritating to hear guys say stuff like "why do all those sluts always date douchbags and not a nice guy like me?"

Not being attractive does not automatically make you a nice guy...

[icrafthappiness]

this was so relevant and right up my alley toward the things I need to work on internally. I love how vulnerable you were here and shared something personal and how it worked out for you. it is so true that we sabatoge perfectly good relationships by not being honest and giving with reciprocity in mind rather than from the heart and simply asking for what we want. way to go on this video!!!

[Artanicman]

This channel is just pure great advice. Great to listen to, always true, never boring

[Lodizhka]

As a "nice" girl I know I can be manipulative sometimes and I try to catch myself doing it and be more direct. The downside is that my family doesn't always appreciate me being straightforward.
Maybe you can do a video about being direct without being rude? I have trouble with that sometimes
PS: Thank you for your videos, they're entertaining and always helpful!

[vimtor]

The term "Nice Guy" doesn't refer to being kind or a good person. In the aproppiate definition the opposite of 'Nice' is dishonest. The term refers to a person who uses nice behavior to get what they want, Nice Guys manipulate, are ashamed of themselves, they try to hide his mistakes...

Read the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy" for futher reading.

[swaguilar_]

Bro these past videos have felt like they are personally for me!! Thank you so much for giving out tips I've never heard of!! ❤

[yiklongtay]

You really got me to realise that I'm needy and that I'm guilty of the first crime. Thanks so much! I am not looking for a relationship, but I see how this is really destructive towards my interactions with my friends and family. Thanks for being a really thought provoking channel. Keep doing what you are doing. The world needs these kind of lessons.

[DraKulisCG]

The ugly truth is that being a nice guy isnt a bad thing, its actually a great thing, the difference though is when to be nice with people you got to be selective, you have to create a perception of which people will actually be grateful of you being nice to them not taking it for granted and as a sign of weakness, , , The nice guys finish last theme is mostly related to guys which have lack of confidence lack of selfesteem, are insecure, ,so to compensate they are just nice to be accepted to be validated, , if a nice genuine guy has confidence than id say that hes the pinnacle of alpha males..

[Grayhome]

Yes, more mindset videos please. This is super helpful.

[quineaus]

If you haven’t you should do a video on jealousy

[ryanperi]

Dude, you're speaking my language. I thought there was just something wrong with me, but knowing that there's an explanation for the problems I have is comforting and gives me an idea of what i can work towards. Thanks!

[Bladeclaw]

Awesome Video

This is a topic I learned a lot about.

The the score keeping that you talked about is called Covert Contracting. It is a nice guy paradigm that is developed usually from early childhood, that teaches the boy when he does nice things, good things will happen. Mix this with abandonment, pain or fear and it develops into a habit and mindset of trying to do nice things with intention of having something nice come in return. At the end it turns into a manipulative attempt which can backfire on the nice guy.

The second example is a fear handling consequences. Nice Guys learn for a large part of their life not to tip the boat and instead to run around, or push and pull certain things, or say something clever to get a reaction, justification, approval, or change an opinion. They are afraid they can not handle the problem since they have to own it and they don't know how to support or stand up for their belief especially when someone challenges or conflicts with them. They feel any conflict of such is someone against them or their belief. This is why they go around to avoid conflicts.

I recommend you to read the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover.
It will tech you about the nice guy syndrome, the mentality breakdown and understanding of the roots of this behavior.
It it will also give lots of great examples and practices.

I grew up with nice guy syndrome and this book was very accurate. It helped me. Hope it helps you.

[chocolate]

A tip for guys: most girls know all about "Nice Guys"(TM). We avoid them like the plague. Ask girls you know if she ever dated a guy who claimed he was "Nice".

[yousefsobhani]

I've also been guilty of this but have overcome it thankfully.
The video gives lots of insight on why we do this though.

[mattiej]

There's a difference between being nice and being a pushover.

[chasehayden]

It's nice to know that there are people out there that actually try to improve themselves on a daily basis with success and with no fear of failure. I try to improve myself on a daily basis and find myself losing focus of what I'm trying to improve. I try to make myself happy and look at the bright side despite constantly failing but it's hard. I guess I can understand the struggle. Because of you I have developed a new source of inspiration because you seem so happy. I thank you.