The secret to being more likeable

Big thanks to @DemetriosLevi for helping me edit this one.

My productivity desk:

[BigAirr.]

“don’t actively participate in something that ruins your opinion of yourself” that’s a hell of a quote

[y.christine]

“Because if you dislike yourself, the curiosity in other people is hard to come by. You can’t afford to be curious in other people because you *need* their validation”

Needed that

[farhanfm]

Summary
1. Nobody cares about what you say they care about how you make them feel
2. live a life you like and love yourself

[bruhh]

i cant believe i've reached this point

[Mslh]

My boyfriend is the most likeable person I’ve ever met. He tells me when he was a boy, his dad made him go say hello to every relative at the family parties. He says that made him comfortable with social interactions and made him realize that asking questions and smiling makes people instantly love you. And that’s what made me so interested in him in the first place! Very well noticed, video man!

[phantasmagorial]

This is so real. When I was very socially anxious I would sometimes force myself to practice talking to people, but I felt like I never made any progress. It took a long time to realise the problem wasn't the words I was saying, but it was the lack of eye contact, the hunched body language, the self-consciousness - the whole negative attitude just puts people off. It's really fucking hard to change it if you're socially anxious and don't like yourself, but realisation and self-awareness is a start.

[heyowassup]

1. Appreciate yourself and your life, to the extent that you no longer need others’ validation.
2. Show them your interest in what they have to say. Be genuine.
3. Make them feel good about themselves first, and then they’ll probably do the same to you later.

[konantj]

I had a friend who was very much loved by others. She was like an influencer but better because she was real to herself.
She deeply cared for people, was funny, and she loved everything she did, And because of that everyhting she made was pure art. Even if that was just food, notes, drawing, outfit, insta-story.
Impossible to hate her even if you were jeleous of her, because when you meet you just feel calm, happy, and loved.

[anetherealpursuit]

"How you make them feel, " I've found this to be particularly true. Not many people seem to notice that I don't say a lot, all they notice is that I'm actively listening and being interested in what they're saying which makes them feel special. It wasn't even an intentional tactic on my part, I'm just awkward, don't like talking to people I don't know well, but love learning from others. I think there's a quote that goes something along the lines of "everyone knows something you don't." I truly believe that and that's why I seem genuinely interested in almost anyone, because since hearing that quote, my interest in others has been genuine and people can feel that. My connections with others since that quote have been so much stronger and widespread since, quite by accident!

[nikhilkumarpatra]

As someone who has tried his best for almost 20 years of his life to make people feel good about themselves, and take genuine interest in them, and ask them questions, and everything that Joey has said in this video, I believe there comes a point when you realise that being respected is more important than being liked. Not to disrespect what Joey has said in the video but people do take advantage of your kindness and never reciprocate your kindness. So for example, I have usually found myself in a myriad of situations where I genuinely took interest in people, and asked a lot of questions about them but rarely found myself in a situation where I was asked the same things about me. People usually have told me before that I do make them feel comfortable and good about themselves but ironically, I never felt the same. Pieces of Advice like the ones provided in this video have to be taken with a grain of salt. When taken to extreme, things can turn out to be very ugly for yourself. As of now, for me, it is respect that is more important to me than being liked or loved.

P.S: This has been typed not to discredit or disrespect what Joey has said in the video. It is my personal experience and I thought of sharing it.

[sarahg]

Likeability is about more than just being curious about others. My dad never asks questions about others, but people love him, give him stuff, do stuff for him, etc. Its about aura, humor, a deep love for yourself, a good memory, talent, an inherent ability to connect with others, , etc. Believe me, I grew up invisible next to likeable people. Our peers LOVED my brother. He was outgoing, smart, , funny, , talented. It was so bad, he was always invited to everything and had all of the friends. I was a tagalong. Its been a slog to shed the feeling of being a shadow, a fake, a reject. Being desperate for approval amd doing my damndest to hide it was a halmark of my life up until about this last year. I just ended up dropping everything I had done up until now, and am starting over on my own terms. It is extremely difficult.

[ashleysalazar]

I have always been very unlikeable, and I never really cared too much but as I've gotten older I've realized likeability is sometimes more beneficial than skill. You need likeability in the world. I'm working on it. I think I'm just read wrong. I'm very shy and I think maybe people think it's strange.

[fev]

The most likable people I've known are very good at asking questions. They get to the root of the issue in the right away for the conversation context and like to keep their remarks short as to let other people talk.

[BrianHGarcia]

One thing I learned recently:

People want to be heard and share things they love or even something that's on their mind. If they share an issue that's on their mind, DON'T go in trying to solve their issues. That's not the point. They want to be heard and empathized with. Not be given a solution you think is good for them. They don't want that. They want to be heard and understood.

[upstatenewyork]

When I was in high school I remember being likable because I was “genuinely” friendly. However, I was young, impressionable and had not experienced the traumas that were about to unfold in the years and decades ahead. Trauma changed my personality. It also changed my perspective on life. I became angry, bitter and intolerant. How could someone that once got along with literally almost anyone, morph into someone entirely different. At 70 I no longer want to live a life of suffering, pain, anger, isolation and so forth. I’m on a journey to recapture some and maybe all of the good qualities I once had. I didn’t choose to let hate and anger lead me, but I gave them the green light when they appeared. It’s natural to have strong painful emotions after tremendous loss and misfortune. Please help yourself and know that you can begin to emerge from that personality who became someone that shocked you. It takes hard work. We believe our hurts have the right to dictate to us how we should proceed. Don’t let pain and suffering call the shots for too long. Put them in their place and tell them that they can’t run rampant in your world forever. Tell them there is a time and place for most things but that catering to trauma and it’s pain and suffering is a place where you have decided to be just a visitor. You aren’t moving in and taking up permanent residence. Good luck. Don’t give up hope. If it can happen, it can happen for you too. No matter how hurt you are.

[AJuresic]

Something which I really needed to learn is to let others speak and listen more. People tend to like to talk about themselves. Also, remember the small stuff is the big stuff. Let me explain: If you talk to your colleague and she mentions her kid doesn't feel very well, you should ask her how her kid is doing the next time you speak to her. Why? Because you care about the kid, but also because you're genuinly interested. Noticing these ''small'' things in conversations was a game changer for me.

[ivelinakiprina]

Another thing very likeable people do is they acknowledge everyone in a group and they are genuinely interested in the shy or more quiet people and ask them questions so that they open up! In other words, they make EVERYONE feel included!

[ravindumirihana]

I used to be this likable guy in my early 20s. When I had very few responsibilities. I genuinely liked helping people. I used to listen to people and genuinely enjoyed their company. I uplifted them and helped them as much as I could. In return people used to trust me, they loved me and they helped me back even without asking. I even got some rare opportunities such as promotions without working hard. There were several girls who liked me. Some of them confessed their feelings for me. But now that likability is gone. I think the reason is that I started to focus on myself more than anyone else. My ego has grown big. Instead of listening I started teaching them things and fixing their problems quickly because I have my own things to worry about. I've become more selfish, anxious depressed, and jealous of others. This happen as soon as I started being proud of my achievements and worry about losing them.

[MikosMiko]

Likability is subjective🤷🏻I’ve seen MANY horrible people who are bullies, manipulative and cut throat get promoted and put into positions of power. You can be a nice, warm person, good listener etc and still be disliked if bias is applied to how a person assesses you. People can dislike you if they see you as a threat, if they are envious of your accomplishments, don’t like your race, don’t like your personality, don’t share your values, etc. Love your points about liking yourself and liking your life and not being desperate for other people’s opinions.

[ThethMastermind]

I’d like to add two things to this. The first is that to be like-able, a lot of times it’s not what you’re saying but HOW you’re saying it. I’ve seen a lot of arguments between friends and family and coworkers start because of not what necessarily someone is saying, but how they’re saying it. Especially if what’s being said is truth or criticism. Secondly, to be likeable, yes it’s important to be that person that listens and hears others, but also know when to talk about yourself. Some people sit back too much, don’t want to come off wrong and they don’t talk about themself enough, and therefore are not relatable or likeable. If you’re secure in yourself and your life, don’t be afraid to talk about yourself in moderation! Don’t be afraid to share something intimate or something that is deeper than surface level. I’ve noticed more times than not when I do that with new people in my life, it helps foster a deeper connection faster because they think “oh wow this guy is comfortable talking about this, it’s probably safe to share my opinion even if he disagrees with it”. By you being the comfortable talking about yourself, they feel comfortable talking about themself.