Stop Trying to Be Nice All the Time

Nearly all of us wish to be known as 'nice' people. Yet our happiness may depend on a willingness to be — at points — strategically selfish.

FURTHER READING

“It’s natural and beautiful to strive to be a nice person. In a world full of cruelty and thoughtlessness, nice people are committed to being generous, sympathetic and gentle. They never want to cause anyone to feel defeated or to lose sleep. They will go to great lengths to spare others tears. It sounds especially lovely. Nevertheless, it seems impossible to go through the whole of life being nothing but kind. Sooner or later, we are all called upon to take decisions that, even as they protect things we very much care about, will ruffle feathers, generate upset and may lead us to be (at least for a time) violently hated in some quarters.”

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CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:

Gemma Green-Hope


Title animation produced in collaboration with

Vale Productions

[trinaq]

"I would die for you, but I won't live for you." After years of growing up as a people pleaser, and putting everyone else's needs ahead of my own, I'm going to finally do what's best for me.

[pancholopezpaz]

I learned to put my needs and disires in priority, this helps a lot when you grew up as a people pleaser.

[JeffNixonComedy]

1) wake up
2) drink coffee
3) get violently hated

[mastervee]

I learned that no matter how much I sacrifice to be nice and kind to people, many of these same people think am weak and own them. They've become too familiar with my kindness and generosity, thereby taking it for granted and so there was need for me to rethink✊✊

[mrsmarlasinger]

I learned that being too nice to everyone can lead to being trampled on and being taken for granted. Working my way out of this position is still hard, as it confuses people very much once they are suddenly confronted with boundaries they are not used to. People who are used to use others often seek those out who will bow to their will and entitlement unconditionally. It is very much important to distinguish when and with whom it is worth to share your niceness, and it is very much ok to select carefully who is really worth it.

[vahgeuvje]

As a kid, whenever I told the truth I got slapped or hit with a wooden spoon. Well guess what, I Turned into a hypocrite. You don’t know how timely your video is as I’m dealing with this exact issue. Thank you.

[jeremymenning]

A truthful "no" is vastly more important than an untruthful "yes".

That one may hurt the most but it is an important discipline to have.

[DannySharkas]

I love being nice to people, but being nice all the time comes at the cost of my own well-being... so in a way, we need to be nice to ourselves first, and put our needs first before worrying about others'

[TristanWilliamsonMusic]

Probably one of the biggest things I'm having to change about myself this year. Unfortunately, not everyone deserves the best/nice side of me. I have to put myself first.. Which is difficult for a people-pleaser

[ac]

If you recognise yourself as a people-pleaser and have decided to put yourself first, don't feel bad about it. Afterall, how many people do you know who can be abrasive or irritating, but are seemingly oblivious (or just don't care) about it? And yet, they're still liked and loved.

[noahhradek]

Everyone is selfish. Those who think that they themselves are always selfless are themselves not self-aware. There's nothing wrong with being nice to others but be aware of your own motives.

[patinoa]

Growing up you're taught to be nice and treat others the way we want to be treated...and well that makes you become a doormat to friends and family. Because of this "Nice person" trait I've been disrespected by friends and family. People will always test your limits when you carry this trait.. took me years to get over this and started putting my foot down. Never feel bad about saying No to people. Why do you think many assholes get respect?

[thebigdude]

This truly hit hard, and reminds me of the transformation I am constantly effecting. I love you guys.

[JohnnyBautista]

My old boss once told me, "You can't play the good guy in your story all the time."

[ReC]

be a kind person but if someone tries to take advantage of your volunteering kindness, show them that you got teeth and are ready to bite.

[AuRoaraAnimations]

im still one of those people that will delay moments of truth just so people can get to sleep at night
-thank you the school of life 😊

[felipeyoutube]

This is really timely. There are so many things involved, social factors, cultural factors, self esteem, expectations, when being conveniently nice to people, but what I have learned from my own experience is that some people deserve your kindness, some don’t. We sometimes misunderstand not being nice as to being selfish or individualist, but it’s really not. Being nice when you feel it’s the right time to the right person at the right place is being truthful to yourself, and that means being free. I now know, after so many years, how to distinguish this and I feel no regret at all to say “sorry I can’t help you now” or “I’ve got personal commitments and won’t be able to help you until xx day”. I feel people are more respectful towards me and don’t take me for granted anymore.

[RoseRoseRoseRoseRoseRose]

I try to be nice not for being popular just to be fair but I also know that not everyone deserves my attention, love and affection.

[J-uw]

I learned this lesson a few years ago. My life was hell when I was like this. Everyone treated me like a doormat and never took me seriously. Moment I started saying no and taking my stand people started finding me interesting and more honest.

[peipeixi]

Thank you for this video! I've been feeling down recently because I always feel the need to do something nice for others. I feel dejected when I'm unable to meet their needs and demands. I admit being told I'm nice boosts my confidence, so being told otherwise is kind of an insult for me. But I realized that there's more to just being nice and that being nice doesn't always solve everything.