6 SIGNS AN AVOIDANT PARTNER LOVES YOU

//HOW DO YOU KNOW IF AN AVOIDANT PARTNER REALLY LOVES YOU?// Kara is in a heterosexual relationship with Tim--whom she describes as emotionally unavailable. One minute, he’s full of hand holding and future talking, and then it takes him more than 48 hours to respond to a simple text message, with no more than three unemotional words and no emojis!

Tim seems conflicted about it. The sexual chemistry is amazing, but Tim always pumps the brakes and wants to take it slow. One minute it seems like he’s into her, but then gets tongue tied when Kara asks for clarity on the status of their relationship.

Kara can tell he cares about her, but the question is...how much?

Here are 6 signs it's likely your avoidant partner loves you--or at least, may be getting there.

👉Breaking Their Own Rules
Rolling Stones will have a lot of rules, spoken and unspoken, constructed around how much time they will spend with a romantic partner. If they love you, they will start breaking those rules.

👉Taking things slow
If your partner has hyper-sexuality, and they're hands off, but haven’t friend zoned you yet, they're serious about you. If your partner is hypo sexual, and they want to have sex with you eventually, this is actually a tremendous show of investment from them.

👉Leave you alone in their apartment
If an avoidant partner lets you spend the night at their place without locking up their phone in the safe, and then leaves before you do, you can be sure that Rolling Stone is smitten...and probably testing you.

👉Traveling with you
If a Rolling Stone agrees to travel with you, trapped in an unknown place with no where to hide, they are very serious about you.

👉Introducing family
Avoiant partners keep you away from family for one of two reasons: 1) they don’t actually see themselves in a long term relationship with you, or, 2) they are afraid their family will drive you off. If they really dig you, they will get over the fear.

👉3 Specific Love Languages
Avoidant partners show affection through acts of service, followed by sexual or physical contact, followed by gift giving. Quality time and Words of affirmation are at the bottom of the list, as many of them view words as cheap.

How do you know your avoidant partner loves you?

[kguqesu]

FA will do all of these, then friendzone you instantly out of the blue. Crazy

[pooreditedvideo]

Actually quality time is my top love language followed by physical touch.
Going out and spending time together is already a form of intimacy for me lol

[rupertperiwinkle]

Gift giving is so they can further avoid sharing their feelings. Spending quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch are mine. His are acts of service (he likes being needed, but wont rely on others), and gift giving. I dont want money bring thrown at me with gifts. Learn to process and clearly articulate your feelings instead!

[idiomaxiom]

She said yes without hesitation when I proposed, still gives barely any sign she is into me

[sonias]

The last one would be a deal breaker for me

[Demiyah]

My DA - SO does all these things, and I have no doubt he adores and loves me

[sifublack]

Hmmm...I rated as a "rolling Stone" on your attachment style quiz, and I can attest to all of these. The one exception is that quality time is definitely high on my list.

[PaigeSquared]

I see a lot of acts of service, but it's things I didn't ask for. We have traveled together, I have become a part of his regular schedule. There is sexual contact, which I have to initiate, and no physical affection outside of sex after the first few months. I do get gifts for holidays.

But because he won't actually say anything that expresses fondness towards me, I'm convinced that he is not fond of me. I don't get it at all. I don't know why he keeps showing up, I have no idea why he likes me if he does, because there are no positive words. I don't know when I do something he likes or something he hates, and it became painful to navigate. I had to make him "not" my person, to stop feeling hurt by his lack of interest and appreciation. I stopped talking to him, and he didn't seem to notice.

How do I get this rolling stone to realize that if there are no words, there is not an actual relationship?? That people have to express words to know each other? The only way I have been able to tolerate this has been to consider myself single, to not think of him as a partner. I know that would hurt him if he knew, but I can't take much more of the ambiguity and pretenses. I don't know what to say to let him know it isn't working for me, without him taking it as an ultimatum or manipulation. Because intellectually, we click. seems he would just keep following his schedule with zero input from me and wouldn't notice he isn't actually interacting with me at all.

[MM-pbik]

MY JAW DROPPED at the end. I’ve been so confused why he does acts of service, then got sexual with me, and I still haven’t gotten the gift he said he got me due to time and distance - and why he hasn’t given me words of affirmation or enough quality time. For me, I usually start in the opposite direction. This blows my mind.

[Zeverinsen]

Honestly, I think I will avoid introducing them to my family out of a combination of reason number 2 and the fear of me messing everything up so I'll have to tell them that I ruined it all and that's why it's over.
My family living far away is a good cover for that... But, I've worked a lot on this and I have met their family, so I definitely think I'd let them meet my cousins for now...

If it goes too fast, that's when I get spooked, like a little squirrel and I'll want to run away.
But I've told them this honestly, and they understand.
I don't think I could've let them in as far as I have, if I hadn't done any introspective work beforehand so I could explain it to them.
Taking personality tests also helped tremendously, as it gave me a sense of security in knowing some cornerstones of who they are...

[karenlynch]

Excellent, practical advice 🎉thank you

[nellautumngirl]

My partner does all of these, yay 😊 Except gift-giving and words of affirmation :) I would love to hear words of affirmation, but I'm slowly learning that I can't expect him to fulfill all my needs all of the time.

[KB-ihgf]

I never figured those rules out in 17 years. It would have helped to have a manual. It became way too much work. I left.

[earthwormj]

This is such accurate, accurate gold.

[ShadaeMastersAstrology]

Makes sense. Culturally women are especially encouraged to place more emphasis on nurturing others even to the expense of self. In fact women are shifting in American culture to tailor this dynamic.

[painoftheheart]

Avoidant person.
Usually takes things slow. Instead ran straight into relationship
Leaves my phone open at all times and available.
Went on a 10 hr roadtrip through 3 states with them
I dont even talk to my family. So skip.
Yeah, those are my very specific love languages in that order.

[frankastisk]

He recently took me to his daughter's resting place. I never got the chance to meet her when she was alive bc he kept that distance, but 1, 5 years after her passing (we've known each other for almost 5 years), just a few weeks ago, he asked me to go with him to visit her. The next time I was at his place I stayed for two nights. I think the record for hanging out (without interruption) was 18 hours and that was probably 3 years ago. He's been back and forth with how he feels (we've never been a couple) and since I'm fearful and he's dismissive I find it hard to trust him when he's drunk and says emotional things. A couple of weeks ago he told me he loves me, but I didn't feel it. It was anticlimactic and wasn't meant in a romantic way. I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't remember and I've told him I don't have the same feelings as I used to. It's a lie, but it feels less complicated if he thinks I only have strong friendship feelings. Don't think he really believes me, or if he doesn't want to. I don't know anything, but it feels like it doesn't matter anymore. We can't be together and his friendship and survival is the only thing that matters. ❤

[Pumpmaximum]

This is so interesting to me, I am in a confusing "situation-ship" with someone who is a DA, through no fault of her own, coupled with some bipolar tendencies. Some days I never know what I will get, some days I'm scared to even greet her because I dont know what the response will be. This though, shows me something. Her love language is only small moments of physical contact but they are clear as she struggles with verbal positive affirmation, she will go places with me, and we even go places with her baby also, the 3 of us. I remember many times when we have been together at work, and she will walk away and leave her phone right there in front of me. In the moment, I do not see these things for what they are. Given her personality, I know that the fact that we talk daily, we visit once or twice a week, that she periodically engages in physical contact, tells me something.

[georgesaunders]

Well she was all of those but still caved in when she pulled away and i got annoyed about it

[ninjamonkey]

Hmm... She was willing to let me me meet her family till she feared they would drive me away. She made plenty of quality of time and words of affirmation but not into gift giving but wanted to. Talked about traveling with me alot. We were supposed to do that alot this year. I've been in her house but I was never alone in So maybe I was in the process of her falling for me at first.???